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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be livid over this lazy awful excuse for parenting last night

274 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 26/05/2019 05:15

I wnet out for girls night and was drinking, baby is normally breastfed but will take formula as I struggle to express.
We havbr used a bottle for several months so I told dp they probably need washing and re sterilising. He said he checked and they didn't need washing just sterilising.
Checked this morning as baby now. Awake and I can't breastfeed yet due to alcohol, last night, and there three bottles with black mould on them in steriliser. I've hit the roof. How lazy is it not to check?
He thinks it isn't a big deal but I'm freaking out that he's put the baby at risk just because he cba to wash up 4 bottles before starlising them!
I know he has ds while I was out but wtaf
I'm panicking that I need to take ds to Dr now.

OP posts:
Howzaboutye · 26/05/2019 21:29

If you can drive a car legally under the limit then you can breastfeed safely. No need to not bf or dump the milk.

And yes he was lazy

AbbyHammond · 26/05/2019 21:31

You can breastfeed safely even if you have drunk too much to drive.

Cryalot2 · 26/05/2019 21:36

No wonder you were upset. But some men are like that sadly .

AppleKatie · 26/05/2019 22:11

Bingo! Full house!

PatricksRum · 27/05/2019 01:44

@ladyflower23 You don't need to sterilise if you're expressing.

ladyflower23 · 27/05/2019 07:19

@PatricksRum the advice on the NHS website says to sterilise whether you are feeding formula or expressed breast milk.

resisterpersister · 27/05/2019 07:29

I've never prioritised alcohol or a night out with the girls over my kids

ODFOD. Again, what do you want, a medal?

Leaving your DC with their father while you go out for one night is hardly not prioritising them.

Do you expect fathers to never go out, also?

What are you going to do when your DC leave home and you find you have no life because you've not kept up with your own friendships?

avocadoincident · 27/05/2019 07:41

Breastfeeding and Alcohol • KellyMom.com kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/alcohol/

No need to pump and dump as explained in the above link

GPatz · 27/05/2019 07:42

'I've never prioritised alcohol or a night out with the girls over my kids'

And I've never prioritised my DM over my kids. I would certainly not go abroad without all of them.

See how stupid that sounds?

BuildBuildings · 27/05/2019 07:51

Haven't read the whole thread, but of course you deserve a night off. AND when having a night off you should be able to trust the father of your child to not do fucking stupid risky shit.

BenWillbondsPants · 27/05/2019 07:52

@TheInvestigator I understand what you're saying but what I'm saying is that I've never prioritised alcohol or a night out with the girls over my kids.

Hands down the most ridiculous post I've seen in a long time. Talk about missing the point of the thread. Well, done @hellooosweetheart for trying to make another mother feel shit just for daring to go out with her friends. Slow handclap for you ...

woollyheart · 27/05/2019 09:24

He might just have thought the steriliser would be up to the job if he just used that?

As it is now causing confusion, I would get rid of the steriliser and rely on a good washing to clean bottles on the rare occasions that you need them. Your baby will be fine without the steriliser at this age - far better to have fresh clean bottles than ones going mouldy in a steriliser.

WeWantJustice · 27/05/2019 09:44

I've never prioritised alcohol or a night out with the girls over my kids

What do you mean by prioritising in this context?

Do you mean just doing something while not doing something else?

So I have often prioritised other things over my kids: having a shit, brushing my teeth, cleaning the sink, going to work, getting dressed, brushing my hair, reading a book, watching a TV programme, posting on Mumsnet, phoning my sister, answering the door. Etc. ad nauseum.

Which things are acceptable to prioritise over being in the same space as your children and which are not?

Think about what you are saying. Really think. Using the word priority there, is purely and simply designed to imply that by doing something other than looking after her children, a woman is not living up to acceptable standards of motherhood. Ask yourself whether you really believe that and if so, why. Be honest with yourself. And then maybe admit just to yourself (not to Mumsnet, that might be a bit of a stretch) that the only reason you used that word, was to be nasty to the OP. Then ask yourself why you feel the need to be nasty to other mothers.

I don't mean this just to be nasty to you. I think it's important that women recognise their internalised misogyny and try to fight it. It is not good for them psychologically and it sours their interaction with other women.

sucresugar · 27/05/2019 09:55

Give him a cup of tea with gone off milk....

user1480880826 · 27/05/2019 10:17

Firstly, your husband made a mistake. You are very lucky to have a breastfed baby who will also drink for a bottle - it’s quite a rare thing and I am jealous of you! As such, this means your husband can help out and the bottles should be as much his responsibility as yours. You shouldn’t have to remind him to clean them.

Secondly, much is made of breastfeeding and drinking alcohol. It really isn’t as dangerous as some people will make you think. Some people just like to make new mums feel bad about every decision they make. And men like to control women’s bodies. You will be fine to breastfeed your baby.

www.laleche.org.uk/alcohol-and-breastfeeding/

FizzyGreenWater · 27/05/2019 10:28

You are with an arsehole, as you know.

Not at all surprised that he's had the heave-ho from the mother of his other three.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 27/05/2019 10:29

I know! Baby is really really good with eating and drinking generally, my mom had 4 and none of us were this good. But tbf he's my one and only so I see him as normal as I've notexpireneced anything else.
He won't take a bottle if I'm present though as prefers boob

OP posts:
corythatwas · 27/05/2019 10:42

a) of course it should be possible to safely leave a child with its own parent

b) husband is clearly useless and arrogant

c) as pp have said- black mould DOES NOT GROW OVERNIGHT. I know these things: I was a milk-drinking student who washed up once in a blue moon; I have a milk-drinking teenager; I travelled with breas-and-bottlefed babies and was not always able to sterilise straightaway. There is a longer, more serious problem here that could harm your baby quite regardless of any nights out.

AbbyHammond · 27/05/2019 11:01

You are very lucky to have a breastfed baby who will also drink for a bottle - it’s quite a rare thing and I am jealous of you!
Actually I think it's the other way round - most babies will take a bottle. I've only read about bottle-refusers on mumsnet, never met one in real life (and that's over the space of having 5 children).

AbbyHammond · 27/05/2019 11:02

Has anyone suggested mould grew overnight cory Confused

Thequaffle · 27/05/2019 11:04

I would hit the flipping roof! There is no excuse for laziness where a baby is concerned.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 27/05/2019 12:13

I just think it's lazyness as I've just remembered he was same with car seat.
I git baby new car seat last week as needed stage 1 not 0 as too big.
I fitted it in my car and it was secure no wobbling and fine. Dp needed it and fitted it in his, I. Told him instruction book was in glove box and to use it as they all. Fit differently.
He essentially didn't. He said seat wobbled and wasn't great - after taking baby out. I chdvevked and he'd fitted it wrong. I asked if he used the I instructions as some. Of the things he'd done it specifically said don't do in instructions. He said he'd not bothered as was busy and rushing.
Sigh....
I'm starting to think I'll have to. Double Check everything he does now which is ridiculous and tbh a bit condescending

OP posts:
boobirdblue · 27/05/2019 12:29

Eek the car seat issue is dreadfully dangerous... serious words needed OP.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 27/05/2019 12:53

Yep I did. I got I'm not arguing with you it was fine.
Annoying as it wasn't. I've settled it as buying a cheaper seat and fitting it in dps car myself as he is with him less often in car.
At least I know its okay then as I was worried.
Exhausting tbh though

OP posts:
KnitFastDieWarm · 27/05/2019 13:13

what I'm saying is that I've never prioritised alcohol or a night out with the girls over my kids.

I have. You should try it some time. It might help you remove the stick from your arse.

Jesus, the internalised misogyny is strong in this thread. A woman should not only never leave her child for a second or take any time for herself, but is also responsible for the actions of her (presumably adult, functional) male partner.
Meanwhile her partner, by virtue of having a penis, is excused from FEEDING HIS CHILD A BOTTLE OF MILK WITH MOULD IN IT because he’s only a poor ickle man and he’s doing his best at ‘babysitting’.

I despair.