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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do about Social services anymore!

234 replies

UndertheCedartree · 26/05/2019 04:03

I had a breakdown a couple of years ago and SS became involved with my children. They were put on the Child in Need register. From the beginning I was very open and compliant and initially found them helpful and supportive.
About 6 months later I met my boyfriend and told the social worker who said they would need to do a background check which was no problem. So I thought the background check had been done but a year later I suddenly get told that they have just completed the background check and they need to do a risk assessment. While that is completed he mustn't be alone with the children.
We were a bit annoyed that it was completed so late and that it would disrupt the children's routine as my boyfriend picked them up/dropped them and looked after them for a bit every week. But we sorted that out and the SW said thаt it would be completed in a few weeks.
So we waited patiently but then the SW went off sick and a new SW was allocated to our family. She made the decision that my boyfriend couldn't be around the children atall while the risk assessment was completed (she had never met us at this point and has never told me the reason for this.)
Deadline after deadline has been agreed and each time I'm told we will definitely get the result of the risk assessment but it never happens. It has been 6 months now. When it was meant to be completed in a few weeks. It has caused me a lot of upset as I want to be able to spend time together with my children and boyfriend. My children have also been upset as they'd formed a bond with him and they really notice he's not there at special occasions.
Anyway a month ago the SW told me the report was complete and she would discuss it with me at the next Child in need meeting. I begged her to tell me the result on the phone but she wouldn't. (I have no worries about the result as all the professionals have said there is no problem with him being around/looking after the children. Also my SW has said the result will definitely be positive)
She didn't turn up at the meeting and I was told by the duty SW that I would be told the result within a week. That came and went. So now our SW has gone off sick and we have yet another allocated to our case (our 6th). I spoke to her on the phone and asked her to give me the results of the risk assessment. She told me she would need to complete her own enquiries starting with an appointment with my boyfriend.

I really just want to scream! I feel I just can't take it anymore. We all need/want him to be with us. They have taken my support away. They were meant to be helping but they have just made things worse. My relationship with SS has completely broken down now. I just don't know what to say anymore to put across how harmful this is to me and my children.Sad

OP posts:
widowmaker · 26/05/2019 04:06

I understand your fury with SS, they can be an absolute nightmare. One thing I have leant is that being on a child in need plan is voluntary. You are perfectly within your rights to say that you no longer want their involvement.

Original poster
UndertheCedartree · 26/05/2019 04:24

@widowmaker I didn't know that! Thank you very much!

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 26/05/2019 04:24

Have you asked to speak to the team manager or made a complaint? You've been compliant but what strikes me is the total lack of any handover between sws so when someone goes off sick you're back starting at 0 as if none of the other work has been completed. Obviously sw's are making a professional opinion and need to form a judgement themselves but they should also be checking the notes made by the last worker not starting from scratch. Equally, you informed them that you had started a relationship and then they came back a year later wanting to do checks. I would be telling them that I want to know the results by the end of the week because this is totally unfair on your children who need stability and have formed a bond with him over the course of a year.

Smurfy23 · 26/05/2019 05:28

Agree with PP it is entirely voluntary and needs your consent. It sounds like they're not that worried about it so if I were you I would withdraw my consent. I'd also consider making a complaint for the way in which they've handled your case.

herculepoirot2 · 26/05/2019 06:48

So there were no issues at all? Why did they need to complete any assessment?

ANewDawn10 · 26/05/2019 07:41

I would definitely be looking to make a complaint. Make a note with details of every single time they have delayed or deferred you. I can imagine how stressful this is.

hidinginthenightgarden · 26/05/2019 07:44

If there was a problem then they would have said you need to get rid of him.
I didn't know you could withdraw consent but it sounds like you should, citing the reasons that you feel they are hindering your recovery and not helping.

magicBrenda · 26/05/2019 07:46

Make a complaint. That’s awful service

Myusername2015 · 26/05/2019 07:50

You absolutely can withdraw consent for a CIN but as this is the one before child protection (which definitely isn’t voluntary) you need to be sure they won’t step up to that.
It sounds awful can you make a complaint to the supervising social worker?

Bluntness100 · 26/05/2019 07:51

It's odd that the pp are more keen to help you get rid of social services and totally ignoring the major red flag about your boyfriend being round kids.

Social services don't do risk assessments like this for no reason. Something is very wrong here, and it would appear your children are likely at risk from this man.

What has caused them to do the risk assessment?

continuallychargingmyphone · 26/05/2019 07:52

Yes, they do bluntness

Bluntness100 · 26/05/2019 07:53

If there was a problem then they would have said you need to get rid of him

They have already told her he is not allowed to be around her children. The fact they wish to discuss it face to face indicates there is indeed a problem otherwise they would simply say it's fine.

And I strongly suspect if she tries to stop their involvement they will step it up. In fact I'd put money on it.

RosieLancs · 26/05/2019 07:56

Do make an official complaint, they should have given you a leaflet with all the information to do so when they first became involved.
If not the ring children's services and ask for one.

Please don't just take yourself off the Children In Need plan, it isn't always that simple and if they continue to have concerns (not saying genuine ones but depends what's in your file) they can escalate it back to Child Protection and then onto court.
I'm not trying to scare you and the way they've behaved seems shoddy at best but your best course of action is to make the complaint.
Social services are massively overstretched at the moment and would leap at the opportunity to get someone who doesn't need help off their books.
It may just be a case that due to 1 cruddy sw the paperwork is all muddled up and a complaint will force them to resolve it.
Please feel free to PM me if you'd like assistance with a complaint.

herculepoirot2 · 26/05/2019 08:00

I am with Bluntness100.

Surely if someone told you there was a suspicion that your partner should not be around children and started an investigation, you would be more concerned with exactly why they thought this, and you would be chasing them up for an answer and complaining about why you didn’t have one, rather than complaining that you can’t yet have him around your children?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/05/2019 08:07

Why are you more worried about him not being able to be around the children than why SS say he can't be around the children?

Frouby · 26/05/2019 08:07

I have always thought social services were a professional service with children and vulnerable people their first priority.

However having seen the absolutely fucking diabolical way they have treated my dsis and nephew (not at risk from abuse or neglect, he has autism, possible ADHD, other issues) I have changed my mind. He has also had numerous case workers, every time one leaves, they start again. This has meant that for the last 12 months he has had no school place and no support in getting one, no home tuition, nothing. Schools won't accept him without paperwork from SS. SS can't provide the paperwork as no one can do it as he has had numerous sws who all need to assess him. They assess him, then leave.

OP dsis has been advised to put a formal complaint in to head of ss in our area. I suggest you do the same.

If there is a problem with your boyfriend they will tell you. If there is no problem they will tell you. And you can hopefully ask them about whether or not they can discharge you and your children.

Babayaggatheboneylegged · 26/05/2019 08:08

You say you ‘need’ your boyfriend, but surely you have a greater need to keep your children safe?

Have you thought about what will happen I’d SS tell you he hasn’t passed the risk assessment??

redexpat · 26/05/2019 08:11

Equally if there was a suspicion about a partner I would expect ss to respond better and quicker.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 26/05/2019 08:12

Your priorities are a little wrong tbh. Slow down.

redexpat · 26/05/2019 08:13

Actually I would go to the police and ask about Sarahs law. Put your mind at rest and then confidently move on with your lives.

Fairylea · 26/05/2019 08:17

It all seems very odd but it also seems like your boyfriend dived head first into looking after the kids - all too much, too soon and that’s complicated things.

stucknoue · 26/05/2019 08:18

I suspect something flagged initially hence wanting to do a risk assessment - they wouldn't do this unless they had a cause for concern. It's recommended new partner later aren't introduced to children that quickly and certainly not in sole charge because single parents can be targetted

freshstartnewme · 26/05/2019 08:18

If SS told me my new bf wasn't allowed to be alone with my kids after they had done a background check it was raise a massive warning sign and I would end my relationship: your children need you.

I'm surprised as PP's that the initial responses are to try and get rid of SS, it sounds like you need their help, please listen to them.

They did a background check, found something they didn't like and based on that need to do a risk assessment. That's not normal OP, your bf isn't a good one.

notyetsleepingthrough · 26/05/2019 08:19

We have no information about the man - so why do we not give him the benefit of the doubt rather than going "well, they did a risk assessment therefore there has to be something". I admit that I do not know anything about ss and thus will be little help but I find the assumption that "there has to be something because they do risk assessment" very annoying. Theoretically a DBS check is a risk assessment and there is a lot of people out there who would object to the idea that because they got one done they have something in their past that makes them untrustworthy on principle. There seems a lot of administrative mix up involved - why not complain to the manager. Not necessarily to get anyone in trouble but simply to force the situation in which ONE person with the power to make decisions to look at things and bring together all the data.

Lovemusic33 · 26/05/2019 08:22

I agree with going to the police and asking about Sarah’s law.

For now you need to do what they are telling you to do even though it’s frustrating, these people like to take their time. If everything comes back clear I would put in a complaint.