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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know what to do about Social services anymore!

234 replies

UndertheCedartree · 26/05/2019 04:03

I had a breakdown a couple of years ago and SS became involved with my children. They were put on the Child in Need register. From the beginning I was very open and compliant and initially found them helpful and supportive.
About 6 months later I met my boyfriend and told the social worker who said they would need to do a background check which was no problem. So I thought the background check had been done but a year later I suddenly get told that they have just completed the background check and they need to do a risk assessment. While that is completed he mustn't be alone with the children.
We were a bit annoyed that it was completed so late and that it would disrupt the children's routine as my boyfriend picked them up/dropped them and looked after them for a bit every week. But we sorted that out and the SW said thаt it would be completed in a few weeks.
So we waited patiently but then the SW went off sick and a new SW was allocated to our family. She made the decision that my boyfriend couldn't be around the children atall while the risk assessment was completed (she had never met us at this point and has never told me the reason for this.)
Deadline after deadline has been agreed and each time I'm told we will definitely get the result of the risk assessment but it never happens. It has been 6 months now. When it was meant to be completed in a few weeks. It has caused me a lot of upset as I want to be able to spend time together with my children and boyfriend. My children have also been upset as they'd formed a bond with him and they really notice he's not there at special occasions.
Anyway a month ago the SW told me the report was complete and she would discuss it with me at the next Child in need meeting. I begged her to tell me the result on the phone but she wouldn't. (I have no worries about the result as all the professionals have said there is no problem with him being around/looking after the children. Also my SW has said the result will definitely be positive)
She didn't turn up at the meeting and I was told by the duty SW that I would be told the result within a week. That came and went. So now our SW has gone off sick and we have yet another allocated to our case (our 6th). I spoke to her on the phone and asked her to give me the results of the risk assessment. She told me she would need to complete her own enquiries starting with an appointment with my boyfriend.

I really just want to scream! I feel I just can't take it anymore. We all need/want him to be with us. They have taken my support away. They were meant to be helping but they have just made things worse. My relationship with SS has completely broken down now. I just don't know what to say anymore to put across how harmful this is to me and my children.Sad

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 09:16

Slow? It took them a year to do a background check!! 6 months and several social workers more and still no risk assessment or any indication of what might be wrong.

If that man was dangerous the children could be dead by now!

Slow my arse..they've been reckless and irresponsible.

freshstartnewme · 26/05/2019 09:16

If that man was dangerous the children could be dead by now!

That's not really how it works.

brummiesue · 26/05/2019 09:18

For goodness sake op, they dont do risk assessments and forbid visits with a partner if there is no problem there!! Open your eyes! Yes ss have been dreadfully incompetent but clearly there is some issue with him, your poor kids Hmm

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 09:19

I'm not saying he's not,he might be and he might pose various risks ,some worse than others.

But worst case scenario? Yes they could be dead in a year.

freshstartnewme · 26/05/2019 09:28

Apologies for last post I misread the prt I quoted Blush

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 26/05/2019 09:31

@freshstartnewme that's ok, I can see how it could be misinterpreted like that,that's why I clarified wha I meant.

nojust · 26/05/2019 09:37

I work in a school in a deprived area and we have a lot of families with complex ss involvement. I can tell you for a fact that a lot of the time ss are disorganised, ineffectual and have no idea what they are doing. SW come and go and often the whole process has to start again. We also have a lot of parents who outright refuse to engage with SW and apart from in cases of extreme danger to the child, the ss involvement just peters out. We have also had parents who have researched their legal rights and refused in writing for ss to have any contact with their children without a court order. People who have no contact with as assume they are all knowing superior beings who are always right, but this is often not the case, and cock ups are common.

wishingforapositiveyear · 26/05/2019 09:47

They wouldn't do a risk assessment unless something came up in his background check . Does he have a violent background or criminal history? Does he have kids who have been on CP plans ? I get your frustration about the length of time this has taken and would complain about that but they wouldn't do this unless they found a risk.

81Byerley · 26/05/2019 09:55

Ask for an appointment with their team manager, and tell him/her you need to know what is happening. I do know that when I was fostering if children were in danger from a new partner, social services were quick to jump in and warn the mother. In two cases I was involved with, the women were told to choose between the man and the children. One chose her children. I ended up fostering the other woman's children because she wouldn't get rid of the man. After he showed his true colours (extreme violence as well as being on the sex offender's register) she got rid of him and her kids were returned to her. this was in the 1980s but I doubt things have changed much.

sockatoe · 26/05/2019 10:03

Have you asked your boyfriend if he has ever had any dealings with the police or social services?
The time delay is disgusting and you should not be expected to put your stable loving family life on pause while they find the time to speak to you. I hope you get this sorted ASAP, and assuming that your boyfriend does not pose a risk to your children, that your relationship is not adversely affected by the situation

TacoLover · 26/05/2019 10:08

Am I right in saying that they would only have needed to do a risk assessment if something came up in his background check?

If so, shouldn't you be more worried about the fact that something in his background check has made him unfit to be around your children rather than about how unfair it is that your new boyfriend can't come back and spend time with your kids??

Freyasmum1 · 26/05/2019 10:16

The risk assessment would be to discern whether the new partner would be no greater risk, or an increased risk meaning escalation to child protection or care proceedings. The first stage would be background checks. If anything was flagged up then they would need to do a risk assessment. Or if anything seemed odd or inconsistent. So a risk might be that he has moved house multiple times so they are not sure any checks are accurate, or that he is on antidepressants, right up to him being a convicted abuser.

I would think that how quickly he has assimilated himself into a vulnerable single mothers life would be a red flag to social services on its own, so they might be doing the risk assessment just because of that. But I doubt that there was nothing on the background checks because SS have to justify the cost and time spent on a risk assessment, so they would need to show why there background checks thought it was significant enough.

freshstartnewme · 26/05/2019 10:17

Am I right in saying that they would only have needed to do a risk assessment if something came up in his background check?

Yes. The background check led to SS saying he couldn't be alone with OP children.

MenaMum · 26/05/2019 10:19

When she said your boyfriend couldn't be around your dc why didn't you ask why?!

Very strange that you didn't as it would be the first thing I would want to know!

And I would be asking the social worker also what was going on and escalating there and then immediately until you have all the information.

And what does your boyfriend say about it. Does he have a illegal history? And if he doesn't why isn't he demanding the truth be known and escalating it, getting a police records check or whatever it's called.

Totally unacceptable timeframe. But I don't understand why you are not questioning them both and not stopping until they give you clear answers.

Freyasmum1 · 26/05/2019 10:20

I would want to use either Clare's or Sarah's law myself though because sometimes social services checks aren't that accurate. Also, if there was nothing on the police data base it would support a complaint about the way social services have managed things.

Could he have mental health on his police record? Eg. If he's ever been sectioned under the mental health act.

freshstartnewme · 26/05/2019 10:26

Wait, i have read the OP incorrectly.

I have been thinking the children were not allowed to be alone with him when actual fact they are not allowed to see him at all!

It doesn't change much in terms of my responses, but for the many that are minimising this o hope they realise that this isn't a case of something minor coming up.

floraloctopus · 26/05/2019 10:28

Why on earth are you still in relationship with this man? Put your children first.

PolinaPansy · 26/05/2019 10:30

What sort of things would cause a risk assessment though? Is it solely past events concerning children (violence, abuse etc) or would things like a criminal record for theft/burglarly, mental health issues etc also flag?

Iris1654 · 26/05/2019 10:34

I would make a complaint. Give them a deadline for a definitive answer or you will be withdrawing consent.
I would also send a copy to a senior member of the team.

freshstartnewme · 26/05/2019 10:34

What sort of things would cause a risk assessment though?

Does it matter. The fact remains he isn't allowed contact with OP children. The risk assessment is likely to be what happens next in terms of OP and her children not OP and her relationship.

I get the impression OP thinks the risk assessment is about whether he can see the children. It's more likely to be about whether they need to escalate the status and intervene further with her and the children.

bigKiteFlying · 26/05/2019 10:35

Find out the head chief of ss for your authority and write to them. I find this works better than just putting in a normal complaint.

I was told to do this with NHS and problems with treatment - going high and complaint being passed down apparently means something happening.

I doubt a complaint with get an apology, but I would be hoping the information would be forth coming.

would want to use either Clare's or Sarah's law myself
I would do this as well - if only for your own piece of mind.

Until I had such information I would be very wary and do what SS are saying and allow no unsupervised contact and TBH I’d be limiting his contact with the children.

PolinaPansy · 26/05/2019 10:38

Does it matter.

Well yes. There is every reason to keep a child abuser away from children, no reason to keep someone on anti-depressents with previous homelessness and crime on record.
This is why I ask, I'm assuming it must be something to do with violence against children for them to claim he can have no contact.

Toms0909 · 26/05/2019 10:38

Hi OP. I'm a social worker fwiw (child protection and CIN). Sorry you've had the experiences you've had. If you've had lots f changes of worker it sounds like you're in an area where children's services are in crisis - when that happens workers come and go because the job is unmanageable and you get drift and delay. Unfortunately, as CIN cases are usually held within teams that also deal with child protection, Child protection naturally gets prioritised above CIN. If the social workers caseloads are so full of CP work they're not going to get round to doing a risk assessment for CIN. Not saying it's ok but it's what happens in reality.

First of all, as others have said CIN is voluntary. You can ask for your child's case to be closed. CP shouldn't be used as a threat to keep a case open - if there was enough evidence of risk for it to be CP the worker should have taken it to conference already. Yes you do get some arsey workers who forget that families have rights to say no but if that happens take it to the team manager, Iv yet to see a family stay open on CIN if they have insisted they want no input. I do get what others are saying about lack of engagement, but you have engaged! that would be more of a worry at the start of a case. For example, say a family were referred in for possible neglect and a few missed health appointments, it starts as CIN and then the family won't let SS through the door or see the kids, thats starting to head towards CP if the worries continue.

If there was a longstanding issue that a social worker felt was very likely to get worse, they could warn you that ending CIN prematurely could end up with you being referred back and on CP in future. HOWEVER I'm not sure of the likelihood of this from what you describe, given that it doesn't sound like you're getting much support from the service, so I'm not convinced that taking it away is going to mean a negative impact for your child/children. An example of this would be where SS and family support workers are providing a lot of practical support and we can see that a parent is likely to struggle once that is taken away and that it could well become a safeguarding issue for the kids.

Re the risk assessment - I genuinely can't tell from what's been said whether this is a procedural thing (a SW wanting to check a new introduction to the family, which wouldn't have occurred if the family didn't happen to be known by CS at the time) OR whether there is info that suggests he is a risk. What id be wary of is whether 'do a risk assessment' has been carried over as a task without the new social workers scrutinising the relevance. It certainly feels oppressive to me to ban someone from having unsupervised contact for that long without giving reason. In fact, I can't see that there would be any legal basis for doing so, though I appreciate that advice from SS whilst not legally binding, carries a lot of weight because of the power they potentially hold.

I'd recommend: contact the police and request info under Claire's law and Sarah's law - this will tell you if there are any known concerns re domestic abuse or offences against children, which would be two key things that may have shown on a police check (though be aware that other things eg organised crime/drugs wouldn't be shared under these)
Ask for an appointment with the team manager about the RA and when you see them, ask for their view re any potential risk to the child. Ask about their view re case closure and what any potential consequences of this would be.
If you trust your partner, take him with you to the meeting. They can't tell you about information they hold on him, but they can tell him, and discuss with him whether they can tell you with him present. I've had this work when for example someone has something in their history and they've been happy to share it to dispel rumours.

Oh and last point - be persistent about asking to meet with the team manager or practice supervisor (check that the person you're meeting is the person who supervises your child's social worker, as the level that will be can vary) Don't think you're being fobbed off if you struggle to get them on the phone just keep trying. I know that my manager spends her days chairing meetings back to back and people never believe us that they literally are at their desk for probably less than 30mins a day!

PolinaPansy · 26/05/2019 10:40

I mean me and DP had extremely rocky late teenage years, had to have a pre-birth assessment. He had a criminal record, both been homeless, I'd been in a psychiatric unit and we were both on meds etc. I have a personality disorder diagnosis. Etc etc.

But they said no concerns. So I don't think any of the above would cause a no contact order from SS, it must be related to neglect or abuse.

NotSoThinLizzy · 26/05/2019 10:45

When we had social While they was doing risk assessment on me and OH we wasnt aloud unsupervised access to DC took them a month to complete it all. In the end they had no concerns and the case is closed but we had the team leader as our social worker so things moved pretty quick thankfully. I would bring it up to your socials leader. Think it's just a case of they are over worked and struggling. If your on voluntary I would be wary of pulling out in case they make it a bigger deal than it is.