To not know what to do about Social services anymore!

[UndertheCedartree]

I had a breakdown a couple of years ago and SS became involved with my children. They were put on the Child in Need register. From the beginning I was very open and compliant and initially found them helpful and supportive.
About 6 months later I met my boyfriend and told the social worker who said they would need to do a background check which was no problem. So I thought the background check had been done but a year later I suddenly get told that they have just completed the background check and they need to do a risk assessment. While that is completed he mustn't be alone with the children.
We were a bit annoyed that it was completed so late and that it would disrupt the children's routine as my boyfriend picked them up/dropped them and looked after them for a bit every week. But we sorted that out and the SW said thаt it would be completed in a few weeks.
So we waited patiently but then the SW went off sick and a new SW was allocated to our family. She made the decision that my boyfriend couldn't be around the children atall while the risk assessment was completed (she had never met us at this point and has never told me the reason for this.)
Deadline after deadline has been agreed and each time I'm told we will definitely get the result of the risk assessment but it never happens. It has been 6 months now. When it was meant to be completed in a few weeks. It has caused me a lot of upset as I want to be able to spend time together with my children and boyfriend. My children have also been upset as they'd formed a bond with him and they really notice he's not there at special occasions.
Anyway a month ago the SW told me the report was complete and she would discuss it with me at the next Child in need meeting. I begged her to tell me the result on the phone but she wouldn't. (I have no worries about the result as all the professionals have said there is no problem with him being around/looking after the children. Also my SW has said the result will definitely be positive)
She didn't turn up at the meeting and I was told by the duty SW that I would be told the result within a week. That came and went. So now our SW has gone off sick and we have yet another allocated to our case (our 6th). I spoke to her on the phone and asked her to give me the results of the risk assessment. She told me she would need to complete her own enquiries starting with an appointment with my boyfriend.

I really just want to scream! I feel I just can't take it anymore. We all need/want him to be with us. They have taken my support away. They were meant to be helping but they have just made things worse. My relationship with SS has completely broken down now. I just don't know what to say anymore to put across how harmful this is to me and my children.

so why do we not give him the benefit of the doubt rather than going "well, they did a risk assessment therefore there has to be something

Becaue SS complete a background check before deciding if a risk assessment is needed.

We have no information about the man - so why do we not give him the benefit of the doubt

Because they did a background check that flagged up the fact that a risk assessment needed to be done. Because after the background check they said that the man was not allowed to be alone with children until the risk assessment had been done. Because if there were no concerns the man would not have been banned from being alone with the children. Because the children need protection.

I'm sorry but who the hell gives the benefit of the doubt to man man flagged as not safe to be alone with children

@Frouby have always thought social services were a professional service with children and vulnerable people their first priority.

OP dsis has been advised to put a formal complaint in to head of ss in our area. I suggest you do the same.

There's no point, they close ranks. Formal complaints generate an apology, but no improvement. Even progressing through to the Ombudsman doesn't work - you get another apology, perhaps a token amount of compensation, but no improvement. After four years of complaining about Children's Services and escalating, I beginning to lose the will to live (metaphorically). IMO they are completely and utterly hopeless when it comes to support for disabled children.

It may be technically true that you can decline 'child in need' help but my experience with social services is that non-engagement is a red flag. Tell them to piss off and they will, rightly, likely escalate this to child protection.

I have always thought social services were a professional service with children and vulnerable people their first priority

Me too - until I met up with an old school friend who told me her job was to go ‘snub out’ family members who try to apply for residency when children family members are about to go in care. She even did a pincer movement with her fingers when she said ‘snub out’

Made me feel sick tbh.

If you withdraw from CIN be prepared for SS to escalate the case so it is no longer voluntary. You have continued the relationship in spite of their misgivings, and now you want to fall below their radar without knowing the conclusion, which may raise questions about your judgement. How much do you really know about your bf?

I would be contacting the police for a Claire’s Law request for your partner ASAP.

I would then be making an official complaint.

You had a breakdown that needed SS input, 6 months after started a relationship where you very quickly had a man involved in your children’s lives and then after a background check they said he couldn’t be around children.

You’ve been a bit daft to even carry on this relationship tbh. Huge red flags. I would be very very wary of any man wanting to integrate into my child’s day to day life and care so quickly. I’ve a feeling you have been targeted by a predator

I would be contacting the police for a Claire’s Law request for your partner ASAP.

Once you have done this, you will be much better able to make a good decision.

If anything is flagged up, you will know to cut him out of your life completely.

If it's not, then you're in a much stronger position to show that you are prioritising the safety of your children and that your bf is safe to be around them.

You've involved a new man quickly into your children's lives and are more concerned about how to get your new partner more time with your children after being told that a background check means social services want him to have no contact until they risk assess him.

You say the children have already built up a bond with your new man, but that can't be a very long time given that in that them he's been told not to have contact, so how have they had enough involvement to build a strong bond? Unless it's too intense too quickly?

The sad reality is that manipulative men target vulnerable women and their children. Your priority needs to be working with social services, however annoying and fragmented the process is, and not trying to get them off your case.

I can understand why you’re frustrated but I think you’re missing the bigger message here, which is there may be something in your BF background which has caused SS to say you’re BF must not be alone with your kids.
Honestly if someone said that to me, I’d run a mile from the BF. You can’t rely on support from someone who may be a risk to your kids.

Have you asked the police is they have any concerns under ‘Sarah’s law’?

I'm just wondering what kind of man who was completely ordinary, stable, not a risk at all I don't think I would welcome a relationship where I had to undergo a risk assessment from SS. I think I would move on.

Oh come on, the OP has done everything asked of her and SS have been entirely incompetent. If there is a problem with the boyfriend the OP should have been told so she can get rid! The SW has already told her it’s going to be fine...if it later comes out that there is an issue then how is OP going to feel? And if there is an issue, why the fuck has it taken them years (12 months to start the process and so far at least another 6 to give her the results) to get off their arses and tell her?

SS have really failed here; they have failed the OP and her DC.

I would make a formal complaint OP. You need this information from them, I can’t understand why they are withholding it. If there is an issue they are allowing you to unknowingly continue a relationship with someone unsuitable and if there isn’t an issue then they are disrupting your family life unnecessarily.

Ok it’s frustrating but I’d think maybe about stopping and putting the relationship on hold. If you ‘need’ your boyfriend that’s not a healthy parameter to start or be in a relationship. No would I think that you would allow your boyfriend to start parenting duties so new into relationship. Maybe make a complaint about the way it has been handled yes. But don’t withdraw that will set of alarm bells and they will pursue

I think you need to look at this from different angles,

Firstly your boy friend has become involved with your family quite quickly this itself is a concern.

The fact that they want to risk assess him doesn’t happen all the time so it suggest their is a problem . You need to be showing that you are able to protect your children and make the right choices for them which often means you put your own interest second .

I would go to the please and artistic background check on him myself and you can see if there’s any problems in his back on his history .

I would also complain to social services and take it higher to the next level explain the situation and ask them for an action plan of what needs to happen next .

If you do end up on a Child protection plan I’ve always found the chair people to be really hot on social services incompetency it might not be a bad thing to end up on a action plan as social services are much more accountable at this level.

^^ I mean if I were that man.

Or let's say I got involved with someone who had recently had a breakdown and had ss involvement and that person needed me.

Why would I be interested in that level of need? I don't think people should enter relationships from a position of need.

Please and artistic. - police and ask

If there is a problem with the boyfriend the OP should have been told so she can get rid!

She was told. She was told they are not allowed to be alone with him. How much more do women need to be told before they put their children first?

I agree OP should complain about SS, the timescale here coupled with her vulnerability has enabled him to be with her for much longer, which will mean she has become more attached and dependent upon on him.

Have you ever escalated it to a manager ? They should have told you something by now.

People who haven’t had recent contact with children’s services may not know that in many parts of the country the system is in complete meltdown. It may be that there is something wrong with ops partner, although in that case they would, I think have visited, or told her on the phone. But it’s more likely that the info was never checked, or lost.
We had to tell them who visited our home, for DBS checks, included Dds dp, and then a year later they said he should stop coming because the checks weren’t done. We’ve known him for 15 years, since childhood and he is totally respectable., and we knew he was DBS checked as he is a teacher!
However, I saw in my years as a sw, far too many dodgy partners to not think that she should get a definitive answer before allowing him near the kids.

If there really is something wrong with OP's partner,then SS have utterly failed those kids. A year for a risk assessment? Faffing from ok to not unsupervised to not at all? Not passing on important information and details,like what's actually flagging up from his past? Passing the files from pillar to post ,starting over each time?

They are seriously failing those kids and ignoring their duty of care, because while OP might comply with their unsubstantiated demands, a lot of other women don't and wouldn't without proof and support.

It may be that there is something wrong with ops partner, although in that case they would, I think have visited, or told her on the phone.

They have told her. They did a background check and told her he isn't allowed to be alone with the children. Now they have failed timewise to do the risk assessment in terms of what happens next, but OP has also failed as she hasn't got rid.

You need to prioritise the safety of your children. Yes SS have been slow but you have a duty to your kids to make sure they are safe.

I have had a lot of involvement with ss and from what I have learnt, some sws come into cases and almost try to show their power from the off. They change everything in place, what's working for the kids and they can make ridiculous decisions that aren't always for the best.

Find out the head chief of ss for your authority and write to them. I find this works better than just putting in a normal complaint.