To not know what to do about Social services anymore!

[UndertheCedartree]

I had a breakdown a couple of years ago and SS became involved with my children. They were put on the Child in Need register. From the beginning I was very open and compliant and initially found them helpful and supportive.
About 6 months later I met my boyfriend and told the social worker who said they would need to do a background check which was no problem. So I thought the background check had been done but a year later I suddenly get told that they have just completed the background check and they need to do a risk assessment. While that is completed he mustn't be alone with the children.
We were a bit annoyed that it was completed so late and that it would disrupt the children's routine as my boyfriend picked them up/dropped them and looked after them for a bit every week. But we sorted that out and the SW said thаt it would be completed in a few weeks.
So we waited patiently but then the SW went off sick and a new SW was allocated to our family. She made the decision that my boyfriend couldn't be around the children atall while the risk assessment was completed (she had never met us at this point and has never told me the reason for this.)
Deadline after deadline has been agreed and each time I'm told we will definitely get the result of the risk assessment but it never happens. It has been 6 months now. When it was meant to be completed in a few weeks. It has caused me a lot of upset as I want to be able to spend time together with my children and boyfriend. My children have also been upset as they'd formed a bond with him and they really notice he's not there at special occasions.
Anyway a month ago the SW told me the report was complete and she would discuss it with me at the next Child in need meeting. I begged her to tell me the result on the phone but she wouldn't. (I have no worries about the result as all the professionals have said there is no problem with him being around/looking after the children. Also my SW has said the result will definitely be positive)
She didn't turn up at the meeting and I was told by the duty SW that I would be told the result within a week. That came and went. So now our SW has gone off sick and we have yet another allocated to our case (our 6th). I spoke to her on the phone and asked her to give me the results of the risk assessment. She told me she would need to complete her own enquiries starting with an appointment with my boyfriend.

I really just want to scream! I feel I just can't take it anymore. We all need/want him to be with us. They have taken my support away. They were meant to be helping but they have just made things worse. My relationship with SS has completely broken down now. I just don't know what to say anymore to put across how harmful this is to me and my children.

I'd be accessing any information via Sarah's Law, tbh.

I agree with all those saying that it's a red flag that he wants to be in a relationship with someone with current SS involvement. Most reasonable people would see this as a red flag themselves and avoid.

And that's before you even get as far as the LA saying he can't have contact with the children until the RA is completed.

I agree that it's taking too long but this whole relationship/situation (including the fact that the children have a close bond and are missing him at important events; and that he appears to have been 'immersed' fully in family life within a year) is flying flags.

Well yes. There is every reason to keep a child abuser away from children, no reason to keep someone on anti-depressents with previous homelessness and crime on record.

I meant does it matter because it obviously isn't any of those things. There is no way SS banned all contact over someone being on anti depressants.

I meant does it matter because it obviously isn't any of those things. There is no way SS banned all contact over someone being on anti depressants.

Which is why I was asking what sort of things flag up on a background check that would cause a risk assessment....

Which is why I was asking what sort of things flag up on a background check that would cause a risk assessment....

I still don't think it matters. We can't decide. SS have deemed it serious enough to ban all contact.

But not serious enough to actually complete the risk assessment,inform OP of what the issue is or as she end her relationship?

Oh and on the point that other posters are making about a background check meaning there's a risk - something re this doesn't add up, and that's why I'd say to push to get clarity.
The type of info we get when we do background checks includes things like:

Convictions (obvs worst being child abuse, violence, but also things like burglary, driving convictions)
Intelligence - eg re links to crime, drugs, links to households with issues, known offenders etc
Contact with the police eg as a victim of crime, rough sleeping, MH involvement where police have been present

As well as our own checks, eg whether someone has had SS input before (eg in SS care, or has children who have been known to us etc)

Even in a struggling authority, I would expect that if there were the really serious end of the concerns that the SW would have taken action and done so sooner, eg requestibg a police disclosure (where the police share the info they hold directly with the partner) because they absolutely need to know. Or that the partner is told very clearly that the info we hold isn't likely to be mitigated by a risk assessment and they should be aware that a continuing relationship is likely to mean CP involvement.

Agreeing tolerable risk is hard, and delaying something for a risk assess COULD be an indication of risk, but it could equally be an indication of noone having the time/confidence/guts to make a judgement and put their name to it. Because in a busy struggling service it's easier and less risky for the SW to say a RA is needed than to make a decision that could backfire.
Please understand it could be either of those things so don't latch onto the latter because it's nicer, but do push to get the answer.

But not serious enough to actually complete the risk assessment,inform OP of what the issue is or as she end her relationship?

Oh SS have totally failed in this by not completing the risk assessment, I have said that right from the start. OP is vulnerable this man is only getting deeper under her skin the longer it takes for them to act.

The problem is though, OP doesn't seem to realise how serious it is. She is waiting for the green light for her relationship rather then saying WTF bye.

There must be a reason for them wanting to do a risk assessment though, surely?

I don't know how it all works. But me and DH had to have background checks when I was pregnant with DS1. DH was adopted as a child and is now no contact with his family which is apparently an instant red flag, he has a criminal record, had been in prison, history of drug abuse. I had mental health issues as long as my arm, had been sectioned, homeless. A family member had a sentence for attempted murder. On paper we look totally unstable! But after 4 meetings, they signed us off. When I was pregnant with DS2 we were asked if we'd like involvement from SS again but we declined. The past is the past.

Could it be something like that OP? Has he got a dodgy past in some way or another?

What risk assessment have you yourself done OP? When did he start doing pick ups and drop offs and having them alone like a childminder? Did this not raise a red flag in itself, that he even wanted to do this? Do you know his family, or know if he’s got children of his own etc?

Definitely make a complaint. I work in social care and this is not acceptable at all.
In my experience the complainers are the ones who get the results.
Go as high as you can. Some people I have known go the a local councillor or mp.
Good luck this isn't good enough but a reflection on the job unfortunately.
I'm currently off sick and have had to call clients and my team to ask them to do things for my families. Not on really.

I dont know much about SS, but why would they say OP's partner cannot be alone with her children?

I'd be more concerned about what they have on your partner.

Go to the Police for an application under Sarah's and Clare's laws (this is the reason why they are there) and only when you are certain there is nothing for you to worry about, then make a complaint.

My gut instinct would be to protect my children.

"I agree that it's taking too long but this whole relationship/situation (including the fact that the children have a close bond and are missing him at important events; and that he appears to have been 'immersed' fully in family life within a year) is flying flags."

^This, how long was it between your breakdown, and meeting him? And how long after the children met him, were leaving him alone with them? How long from that until you were dependent on him for pick ups etc? Do they talk alone with the various social workers? Is there a chance one has doesn't like him as much as you think, and has confided that?

I could see my mother saying how much "we" missed my stepdad, when she adored him, but actually the rest of us thought he was an areshole and were afraid to say?

*were you

Sorry so many typos *one has said

why would they say OP's partner cannot be alone with her children?

They said he cannot have any contact with them.

I would imagine SS told the OP not to let her partner near her DC as an initial "let us check him out first" scenario rather than a "he is dangerous " one. Even if something flagged up on the initial check, it might be something which doesn't put him as a danger to the DC but they have to look into anyway as a precaution, which they are failing to do promptly.

I had it a few years ago where ss made out my dp then was Jack the ripper and banned him from seeing the DC because he had an attempted overdose on his record from many years prior. Oddly though, he lived in a different county to me so ss in that county did checks also and found no case to answer and he was not banned from seeing his own DC?

The CIN plan being voluntary is silly because if you don't do as they say voluntary and they escalate it to child protection, it's like them saying "you either do as we say voluntary or we will escalate it to CP so we can force you to do it..." so it's not really voluntary is it.

Complain OP. I took mine to stage 2 which meant independent bodies looked into it as stage 1 is just them self governing and covering their mistakes. Funny how once I started the complaint procedure, all of a sudden there were zero concerns and ss dropped the case. There have been no problems since with our family at home or at school.

If it was me and a risk telling me the BF could not be around children, I would want to know WHY. The outcome would likely be the same - he'd be out the door permanently - but I would want to know W.H.Y.

Wouldn't anyone?

Then I'd think crikey, I think I need to take myself off to therapy to figure out why I let a man into me and my children's lives so fast and what could I do differently next time.

But I think knowing why whilst it might not affect the ultimate decision about the BF - it's surely not a natural response to 'he cannot be round your children' to ask well why not! And to be told why - what's the point of doing the risk assessment and not sharing it with the person?

Ok you could take it at face value and say well it must be bad but I don't like doing things based on assumptions and surely it would help illustrate to the OP that she's made (if it turns out to be the case) possibly a poor decision on having this man in her and her kids lives - maybe understanding the details of his past actions and how severely it could have impacted her children, would be a stark learning point that would have incredible value to her. And she'd do things differently in the future. Not ever knowing, only being able to guess, it just wouldn't cut it for me but then I like to have information and make decisions based on information. Any vagueness I would struggle with and in effect, SS have in this case ended up with someone continuing to want a relationship with this person because she doesn't bloody well know what he's supposed to have done! She's complied but what she's waiting for is the reason so she can herself assess if it's appropriate or not,

Given the length of time they've taken with it all she's never actually had an answer for what the problem is so no wonder she's questioning it. This potentially perpetuates a problem, it doesn't resolve whatever threat there is to the OPs children in a finite way - if she closes her CiN case and takes him back, at the very least based on previous performance, the children would be at risk for anything from a long number of weeks to a year before someone noticed and decided that they needed to come back in and see OP again, possibly on the basis of a CP order this time.

However, OP does have options to find out for herself through the two Laws and by taking the matter higher in SS and asking for the final conclusion of the risk assessment, why he's a risk, so she can make the appropriate decisions.

I agree with posters on the other hand that it does sound like your dp has been too involved with your DC too quickly, even if he is a decent bloke.

There is a big difference in introducing your dp to your DC within the first year, having the odd fun day out etc or evening together to him being your support network for them, him picking them up/dropping them off and looking after them.

That I would agree is too soon and not great for the DC because you don't know him well yourself and could split sooner rather than later yet your DC are forming bonds with him?

If this man is in fact dangerous then surely ss should have acted much more quickly than this?

Could it be possible they would have risk assessed any man the op got involved with?

As for people saying "ita a red flag that he wanted to be with someone with ss involvement" - some people are not so cold hearted and understand that people have ss involvement for all sorts of reasons.

Also "man helps with childcare of partners kids" isnt a red flag in itself either. Nobody would bat an eyelid if a woman did childcare for a newish boyfriends kids and as we all know that happens a lot.

Very judgemental thread this.

But this is what we have to be really careful of. The OP doesnt know if the statement 'no contact until a risk assessment is done' is based on concrete evidence of significant risk that has warranted no contact for six months,
OR whether a well meaning social worker has cautiously advised 'don't have him round til I do the risk assessment' expecting to write it up in 3-4 weeks and give a recommendation, has left the job, and this 'no contact' recommendation has been carried on by other social workers and copied into subsequent plans and notes without scrutiny.

It's something we are consistently reminded of with case recording and planning, to be careful that something repeated becomes truth. With changes in SW there's more chance of this happening.

SS are really awful in some areas, I have involvement as my son is adopted. In some areas risk assessments are standard, they aren’t where I live, but they are where my son was living so my partner at the time (who wasn’t going to be adopting but I was living with until my son arrived) failed his initial background check as he travels very regularly for work, we were told son couldn’t have contact with him until a risk assesment had been carried out.

Two and a half years later, adoption completed and the risk assessment is still ‘pending’ in sons LA! Then again the same LA also told my sons birth mum where we were living, so I shouldn’t be surprised.

I've worked alongside social care for a long time, yes they are under resourced and have high staff turn over in some areas which causes an absolute mess and ridiculously slow one step forward to steps back in cases. However they do not go into a full risk assessment for every partner of someone on CiN for their own mental health concerns, if they have OP they are worried about something. Have you been in abusive relationships before that could cause harm to the children? Or they've seen something in his background check that's caused an issue.

I have no worries about the result as all the professionals have said there is no problem with him being around/looking after the children. Also my SW has said the result will definitely be positive)

Plus the timeline,plus one sw saying supervised,another saying no contact at all ,plus not being given a reason or any info as to why, (assuming what op wrote above is true) I can see why OP might be confused and not able to see it as a serious issue.

Given her history and the very short timeline of their relationship and how depended she and the kids were on him,it makes them very vulnerable.

Which is what enrages me about this post and the incompetence of SS. It's also why I would definitely complain, this man might be a danger,might not..but another will definitely be and such a long time to sort things out could put other children and women at serious risk.

"Slow? It took them a year to do a background check!! 6 months and several social workers more and still no risk assessment or any indication of what might be wrong.

If that man was dangerous the children could be dead by now!

Slow my arse..they've been reckless and irresponsible."

^This too