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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be narked that every weekend is taken up WITHOUT me

280 replies

treehousemaster · 25/05/2019 16:36

Simply that ... every weekend over the last couple of months my boyfriend of one year is busy . Occasions such as a wedding( that I was invited to but not brought) to family big birthday parties to friends events and sports .there is no reason for me not to go to any of these but I simply haven't been invited or even seen him before or after . So for example, the sports event may be on Saturday afternoon so he says he isn't free on the friday night having seen him only once during the week ... or later Saturday evening as he is tired and so I may see him for the afternoon on Sunday. AIBU or am I being demanding

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 26/05/2019 09:30

Gay.

GarthFunkel · 26/05/2019 09:34

Given your complete disregard for the advice you've been given, do you think you could at least give us the courtesy of not name changing every time you post the same OP again? Because that way I could simply not waste my time cut and paste the advice from your last 3-4 threads. Or oooh I dunno you could just update one of your many previous threads - given they all have the same OP and are all filled with the same advice.

ballsdeep · 26/05/2019 09:36

You know all of this so why don't you get some bloody self respect? It's cringy reading threads such as this where a woman will stay with a man with whatever scraps (and they are scraps) he is willing to give her.

HE IS NOT INTO YOU

However many threads you starts, and hundreds and hundreds of replies you get, it's not going to change.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 26/05/2019 09:37

I have sympathy with the OP but think it would also be polite to be upfront about the number of times she's sought advice from people who give it freely not realising how much time she's already been given.

This - although my sympathy is running very low...

Exact same issues, presented as though for the first time, and without any acknowledgement that all the responses are exactly what she's been told before.

Move on, OP.

Original poster
treehousemaster · 26/05/2019 09:39

Thank you all so very much. I have been embarrassed about this and second guessing myself for the last year . I see from the thoughts and opinions of the majority that I have been an fool and wasted the majority of the past year .

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 26/05/2019 09:43

I'm scared that he wants me as a ' front' . That he wants the idea of the girlfriend more than an actual girlfriend . That he's doing this for appearances

But that is exactly what everyone is telling you he is doing!!

Hasn't anyone in RL pointed this out to you yet? Friends? Family?

TheCakeCrusader · 26/05/2019 09:44

You are wasting your time with this man and are constantly defending his actions over and over! If you wish to continue enjoying his leftover crumbs of affection, then quit complaining, otherwise have some respect for yourself and move on...

chipsandgin · 26/05/2019 09:44

Maybe re-read the thread OP because you come across as utterly in denial & there is some great advice..,

Mainly though the very very obvious fact that he’s just not that into you.

Nanny0gg · 26/05/2019 09:45

I see from the thoughts and opinions of the majority that I have been an fool and wasted the majority of the past year

And now, stop wasting time. Dump him, move on and tell yourself that only a self-obsessed arse would treat someone the way he's treated you.

So no loss.

Whoops75 · 26/05/2019 09:48

Walk away, he’s not that into you.

Doesn’t matter what the reasons are, friend, gay etc

If you stay with him you would be a fool.

iano · 26/05/2019 09:49

This thread is just bizarre. Everyone on this thread is telling you the man isn't into you yet you persist in analysing his behaviour and making excuses for him. Who gives a monkey why he's doing this, he's just not into you! Cut your losses you can't change him or how he feels about you.
Have you read 'women who love too much'? I think that might help you. Perhaps spending your energy on analysing your own behaviour and reactions might help you find the right man who respects and loves you...

TheCakeCrusader · 26/05/2019 09:56

@iano

This thread is just bizarre

Indeed, not once has the OP made any effort to deal or confront the issue. It a constant stream of consciousness going nowhere! Confused

BumandChips · 26/05/2019 10:02

You want marriage and babies. You aren’t going to achieve that with him.

You’re 26. You have plenty of time to find someone who truly adores you. Stop wasting time with him.

He is only throwing you crumbs, you can do better than this and deserve more. I agree with the pp who said you are his beard. He trots you out for the family and then puts you away again.

After a year you should still be in the honeymoon period, having loads of sex and spending lots of time together, going out on dates etc. You haven’t even got that far.

What is keeping you with him?? Is this really better than being single?

Original poster
treehousemaster · 26/05/2019 10:08

Thanks everyone. I have listened to all your advice and thanks for giving up your time to respond . I do agree with you all so I'm going to get rid of him even though it will break my heart. I really had hoped that we could have a great future together . I think he will be sad as I have been a front for him and accepted his disinterest in sex and allowed myself to be pick up and dropped off at his convenience rather than my own , so that will be a huge loss for him . I can't see another girl being as foolish as I was . I thought we could have had a good life . He never lit up around me . He was never excited to be with me . I think he pitied me .thanks once more

OP posts:
TheCakeCrusader · 26/05/2019 10:08

I’m waiting on the OP’s next instalment of ‘... but he’s so funny, charming etc. blah, blah blah...’ whilst never actually confronting the situation and making a decision based on this.

NotAgainKen · 26/05/2019 10:12

Look at the hard reality here. You were invited to a wedding by his friends. He DELIBERATELY OVER RODE that invitation so you wouldn't be seen there with him.

Why was that? Don't assume it's because he's embarrassed to be seen with you. It could easily be because those friends might have let things slip about him that he doesn't want you to know, or asked questions that you don't have the answers to.

I think you're barking up the wrong tree with the best friend too. There's a note of 'poor him, he's in love with someone he can't have' when you talk about his closeness with him - as if you feel sorry for him! From what you've said, and going on personal experience, I'd say it's much more likely that he's gay, she's his best mate, and if you actually met her, she'd tell you so.

You deserve way more than this, and there is definitely - 100% definitely - something better out there for you.

Original poster
treehousemaster · 26/05/2019 10:12

There won't be another instalment

OP posts:
Theworldisfullofgs · 26/05/2019 10:13

Last bit from me. People are right this thread goes round in circles. Its mirroring your life. You have the potential of waking up in 2 years...5 years time realising you wasted your life on someone who used you.

Or you can wake up now and think...the rest of my life is mine and in my control - what do I want to do with it?
You cant make him love you. You cant make him spend time with you. You cant control any of that. Get on with your life. Fill it up with wonderful experiences.
Otherwise you'll be that friend that people avoid spending time with because you cant stop going on about the thing you cant control. You'll be that boring person who spends their time moaning about the person who doesn't value you.

Rocketgirl1 · 26/05/2019 10:20

I think you are right to end it. That is sad what you say about him not lighting up when with you and him pitying you. But also that he won’t find anyone else who puts up with what you have.

Post as many times as you like but I agree it’s best to go back to the same thread. Then posters know the full story and can support you better.

NotAgainKen · 26/05/2019 10:20

OP, I hope you don't feel this thread's been a pile-on of people telling you you've been stupid - I know my exasperation is more towards him for being such a selfish cock. Once you've broken free of this you'll be horrified at what you were putting up with.

somecakefather · 26/05/2019 10:31

I have listened to all your advice and thanks for giving up your time to respond . I do agree with you all so I'm going to get rid of him even though it will break my heart

Listen, you are 26 - plenty of time to meet someone who will appreciate you and will give their time to you freely. I guarantee that when you meet someone decent, you'll look back on this arsehole and cringe at what you put up with - I've been there, done it. Take the power away from him, take charge and take pride that you're not allowing yourself to be used anymore.

crimsonlake · 26/05/2019 10:36

When are you actually going to start listening to people who are actually giving up their time to respond to you on here??

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 26/05/2019 10:37

Since you aren't particularly enmeshed in each others lives I would simply send him a message that he'll receive when he bothers to switch his phone back on. Simply saying, I've had a think and I'm ending our "relationship", good luck in your future endeavours.

wheresmymojo · 26/05/2019 10:37

I think you need to turn around the way you're looking at this.

Currently you're trying to understand his intentions, where you are in his priorities, what he really thinks of you and the relationship.

Bollocks to that.

Focus on you. Is this relationship making you happy? Are you happy with the way he's treating you? Do you feel like he's making you a priority?

I think you'll have your answer.

GarthFunkel · 26/05/2019 10:38

There won't be another instalment

You said that 2-3 threads ago. You were going to break up with him then. What happened?

I want another installment. I want the one where you dump him. I don't care if he's gay or sagging the woman from work or asexual or just not into you. I want the one where you find your self esteem and tell him he's a crap boyfriend and you will not put up with it because you deserve better. And the one after (where you update a thread) saying you've not begged him to come back and you've started counselling and you've got your eye on some hot bloke at the gym.

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