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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be narked that every weekend is taken up WITHOUT me

280 replies

treehousemaster · 25/05/2019 16:36

Simply that ... every weekend over the last couple of months my boyfriend of one year is busy . Occasions such as a wedding( that I was invited to but not brought) to family big birthday parties to friends events and sports .there is no reason for me not to go to any of these but I simply haven't been invited or even seen him before or after . So for example, the sports event may be on Saturday afternoon so he says he isn't free on the friday night having seen him only once during the week ... or later Saturday evening as he is tired and so I may see him for the afternoon on Sunday. AIBU or am I being demanding

OP posts:
Original poster
treehousemaster · 26/05/2019 00:15

I'm 26. Never broke up.

OP posts:
Theworldisfullofgs · 26/05/2019 00:19

To be honest having kids is great, hard work and a life time commitment. You need to be doing that with someone who will prioritise you over everything else.
You are not even prioritising yourself. If you were you wouldn't put up with this. He treats you badly because you allow him to.

bluebell34567 · 26/05/2019 00:22

treehousemaster you sound naive.
listen the very good advice here. one day you can meet someone you deserve.

Reaah · 26/05/2019 00:22

Actually, I'm starting to think he may partake in cocaine usage and will only see you once he's over the comedown from it.

bluebell34567 · 26/05/2019 00:24

have some respect to yourself and dont let him treat you like that.
as pp said have a talk with him about him leaving you out at most of the things and then decide.

UnderC0verAg3nt · 26/05/2019 00:29

He is not that into you
Find someone new, who wants to spend time with you

Weenurse · 26/05/2019 00:33

You are convenient for him but not a priority.
Find someone who makes you their priority.

Butterymuffin · 26/05/2019 00:36

Stop going to family events with him. Tell him you think he is taking you to those to keep the peace in some way but it's not enough for you now, and you want to spend time just with him or at other things.

Sladurche · 26/05/2019 00:49

Tell him straight. You expect more from him. If he's not willing, then move on.
I fully expect him to walk away. Because he really isn't that bothered.

MakeItRain · 26/05/2019 01:26

I was with someone once (years ago) who was exactly like this. He would be oddly attentive at big events and would see me just often enough to keep me imagining it might go somewhere. It never did. I always suspected he was gay actually as he had this very flirtatious relationship with one of his male friends. I never did find out though.

My advice would be to stop dwelling on it and get out. I've had a few relationships since then, but when I look back on that one I always remember it as a time when I felt very lonely and sad. I had very little self esteem and if I could advise my younger self I would say walk away and never look back.

Rocketgirl1 · 26/05/2019 01:33

I assume lack of intimacy is still a problem. How would you have children with him anyway?

1forAll74 · 26/05/2019 01:40

Just say goodbye and move on, You could,and should be,having a great time with some more lovely,and suitable man.

k1233 · 26/05/2019 01:50

Treehousemaster you deserve someone who loves you, who wants to be with you, who sees you for the wonderful person you are. You don't deserve someone who treats you as a convenience, sees you when THEY feel like it, does not want to share their life with you.

He is not going to change. Can you live with this distant, practically non existent relationship for the rest of your life? If you ever have kids with him what do you think he's going to do? My bet would be he'd piss off to his own little corner and leave you to do everything, only venturing out when he felt "rested" enough to deal with his own kids and that would be extremely short lived.

You deserve more. You deserve someone who will share their life with you. That is not him.

YouBumder · 26/05/2019 01:58

That all sounds pretty hurtful. I’d just split up.

dodgeballchamp · 26/05/2019 02:15

He clearly doesn’t want marriage and kids, at least not with you. I know it’s hard and you want to excuse someone’s behaviour if you have deep feelings for them but he’s never going to give you what you want. If he wanted those things as well, he wouldn’t be disappearing for days on end and switching off his phone - he’d want to be around you as much as possible. End it. Whether or not you love him and hope he might change, it isn’t worth hanging around in a situation that’s upsetting you

LagunaBubbles · 26/05/2019 02:22

Do you have sex OP? I'm beginning to think you're a front for his family and the durst reason thst springs to mind is he may be gay?

AlexaAmbidextra · 26/05/2019 02:26

Do you have sex OP? I'm beginning to think you're a front for his family and the durst reason thst springs to mind is he may be gay?

OP has said previously that he doesn’t like sex. The conclusion arrived at on the last thread was that he was gay and is using OP to throw his family off the scent. ☹️ Nothing anyone says to her makes any difference. This is the third almost identical thread she’s started.

itsnotallbbqsandshrimp · 26/05/2019 02:48

Christ this again.

No you're not special to him.
No you're not in a relationship.
No he's not interested.
No it's not going anywhere.

Alicewond · 26/05/2019 02:58

Tbh you sound like a thing or something to do whilst waiting someone else more acceptable to the family. Walk away

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 26/05/2019 03:01

You're being used.

You shouldn't let a man treat you like that.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/05/2019 03:22

I just want to be loved

You clearly don't love yourself. How can you expect anyone else to?

Alicewond · 26/05/2019 03:41

He is looking for something better in his or his parents opinion. You are here to pass the time

Blondebakingmumma · 26/05/2019 03:54

OP he’s just not that into you.

He’s not going to give you the things that you want because he doesn’t want them with you. You are a fill in until he finds the one.

Please don’t waste any more time hoping things will change because I doubt he is going to miraculously change.

Pinkvoid · 26/05/2019 04:55

He’s not that into you. I know it’s painful to accept but it’ll be far more painful to waste more years of your life with someone like this. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has been unfaithful tbh, he doesn’t seem overly committed.

Cut your losses now, don’t waste any more energy.

KC225 · 26/05/2019 04:58

Back burner.

He is still keeping an eye out at all the events and occasions you don't to to.

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