To be narked that every weekend is taken up WITHOUT me

[treehousemaster]

Simply that ... every weekend over the last couple of months my boyfriend of one year is busy . Occasions such as a wedding( that I was invited to but not brought) to family big birthday parties to friends events and sports .there is no reason for me not to go to any of these but I simply haven't been invited or even seen him before or after . So for example, the sports event may be on Saturday afternoon so he says he isn't free on the friday night having seen him only once during the week ... or later Saturday evening as he is tired and so I may see him for the afternoon on Sunday. AIBU or am I being demanding

In his culture and home, homosexuality is not accepted

Ah. This ^^ is clearly the reason.
Bow out with dignity.

Have you posted about this 'boyfriend' before?
I'm sure I read something very similar not so long ago

It sounds like he doesn't want you as a part of his life as he's keeping you separate, and this isn't a good sign for the future. I'd be leaving I think.

OP, be kind to yourself, and get some therapy or counselling for what appears to be low self esteem. And maybe the Freedom Programme (available online) to help build those boundaries to keep users like this chap from hurting you.

I left my ex after 30 years, and with hindsight I can clearly see I should never have got involved in the first place. The only two good things I got were the DCs. Don't waste your time like I did.

In leaving ex, I realised how strong I actually was, and that all the crap he'd said about me was wrong. I have a much calmer, better life now.

You are his beard, to be paraded on family occasions so they don’t hassle him about his love life.
You are then put back in your box until he needs to reassure the family again.

I think you have hit the nail on the head.

I just read more of your posts

The " funny, charming, good company" is how men like this get away with the other shit.

If someone wants you in their life, they'll look for ways to include you, rather than excuses to keep you out.

Doesn't matter what all the " reasons" are, the result is the same.

OP, you are in a fortunate position.
You're 26 and you have the opportunity to use this awful experience as a mirror, a means to work on yourself. Strengthen you sense of self worth, your boundaries. You can now recognise bad treatment and you never have to put up with it again.

Sending a hug....

OP I think you have low self esteem which often results from Issues in childhood.

Counselling or CBT could really help.

You are setting the bar too low in your relationship for how you expect to be treated.

I'm not the only woman in his life... he is besotted with his mother, his sisters and his best friend .

Run for the hills. You deserve to be cherished and be the centre of his life.
Clearly you are not a priority. Sorry but time to cut your losses.

Yeh, he sounds like he isn't too bothered.

Sack him off. You're worth more than that.

This is my advice copied and pasted from your last thread OP

"I want so much to believe

OP you typed this in one of your posts and it sums up everything. You want so badly to believe that a lovely, caring, romantic life is going to happen with this man that you are willing to wait and see and excuse anything that happens. You will excuse away lack of intimacy, excuse away seeing each other one a week only when convenient for him and he gets no better offers, excuse away his investment of time and effort in another woman that he works with, who is married with kids and has no interest in him, excuse away his refusal of joint holidays so he can holiday with family or other friends, excuse away his offhand treatment of you as he is busy with "hobbies".

You come on here and make another thread with the same issue, you get the same replies from various posters all saying the same thing and still you excuse. You reply "but", "maybe", "what If" on and on and on.

This man is not the problem, your "relationship" with him is not the problem, spending no time together is not the problem, lack of sex is not the problem, the woman he works with is not the problem.

The problem is that I want so much to believe - you see things as you wish them to be, not for the way they really are. Until you see things as they really are, nothing will change."

This is your last post from the last thread OP

Look I know that anybody who comes on to mn tries to help and I do appreciate it very very much. I felt disbelieved at times and I’m sure in a years time, I will reread all of this and be less sensitive about It all . I’ve spent the evening with Him and he found me to be very quiet . He left his phone when he went to the bathroom and a message appeared on his screen from the queen saying.. aw that’s so sweet.. I miss you also, we will have dinner next week after work and catch up and discuss everything that’s upsetting you . Two weeks is indeed a long time to be apart with out the chats etc etc ... so I’ve text him now to meet tomorrow to finish this nonsense .thanks everybody

That was from April, and you have been posting the same thread over and again since before Christmas, at this point OP, he is not wasting your time,you are, you have spent six months of a one year "relationship" seeking advice and then ignoring it because it is not what you want to hear. See you again next month.

I wish there was a bangs head against wall emoji
This is the closest I can find 😑

Sounds more like friends with benefits then a relationship. And all on his terms too.

..... so, have you got rid yet, or is this (one of many threads) still being dragged out some more?

waiting for another circular instalment

I wasted time on a relationship like this once. Fortunately I met my now dh and had decided to cut loose when I went to a party hosted by the ex. There were many many people there, and I knew no one! The final straw was when someone (clearly a good friend of his) asked me how I knew him! We'd been in a relationship for three years. I walked out and never looked back.

This will not have been a wasted year if you truly learn from it. You deserve better - and next time you’ll know what you don’t need to put up with

]|] 😡

^ is this any good Horsemen ?

The trouble is september it's "friends" but defo zero 'benefits'. You may need to review previous posts but that's a large chunk of the overall problem.

I've finished with him . I told a friend everything. She never knew any of it but found him to be so charming and friendly and good with her children . I didn't tell her too much previous to this . All she saw was somebody who wanted me to be part of his family and who really liked me and took care of me when we were in company. What she didn't know was the lack of interest on meeting or in future plans or his obsession with his family and his female friend. She felt that like many of you, I should have been at his centre , not a supporting act . I am sad but ready to do some work on myself. To all the supportive and kind posters , thank you for your patience and clarity in your support .

Well done you.

How did he take it?

That’s great news. You sound much more clear and not lost in the madness of it.

I'm pleased for you. Time to move on.

So how did he react?

Well done!! That's good news. Stay strong and focus on yourself.

Well done, that can't have been easy.

Well done Op - you deserve so much better.