To be narked that every weekend is taken up WITHOUT me

[treehousemaster]

Simply that ... every weekend over the last couple of months my boyfriend of one year is busy . Occasions such as a wedding( that I was invited to but not brought) to family big birthday parties to friends events and sports .there is no reason for me not to go to any of these but I simply haven't been invited or even seen him before or after . So for example, the sports event may be on Saturday afternoon so he says he isn't free on the friday night having seen him only once during the week ... or later Saturday evening as he is tired and so I may see him for the afternoon on Sunday. AIBU or am I being demanding

Ask him to marry you. Tell him that you want children and commitment, and a ring on your finger. See what his reaction is.

Look, he's really not into you.
He's probably out with his friends and doesn't want to see you the next day bevause he has a woman with him. He is using the weekend and time away with friends to hook up I would imagine

Three obvious options... you are his beard...ie he is gay and you are the cover. ...or he has another woman he's after....family women can and do have affairs/leave their partners,or he only sees you when there is zero opportunity to hook up with someone else...

I just wouldn't be treated so shabbily...

@IamtheDevilsAvocado. That's what I thought to.

Dont waist your time OP. Find someone who will always treat you well. This guy is leading you on.

In one of the other threads op said he hates Sex and intimacy hence why he didn’t want her to stay at the hotel for the wedding and why he drops her off Home after events.

This is depressing

If he had real feelings for you he would want to see you most of the time while making plans for your future together.

This is the opposite of what he is doing, and sing achieve any of what you want (family life, kids etc.)

You are 26, plenty of time to explore new relationships with people who aren't dysfunctional and taking advantage of you.

Since you see him so infrequently, dropping him should be simpler than for people who live together, kids etc. Start by bring too busy yourself to see him, or just tell him outright you are no longer interested.

Forget it, he should want to spend a lot more time with you and should be delighted to introduce you to his friends and family.

There is no point arguing or fighting to be included. You deserve someone who adores you and this doesn't sound like he does.

treehousemaster I’ve been here pre Dh.

What ever his reasons are for behaving this way your not his priority - your a convenience for him. In the end he ended up dumping me!

When I met DH the difference was like night and day. I was his priority and the feeling was lovely.

Be some ones priority.

Also meeting his family means nothing. I met my ex’s.

Have a look at your relationship with your own father. I feel lots of girls have really low expectations with men when their father wasn’t a good role model

Sadly this will be the same 5, 10. 15 years down the line. I think He doesn't want to finish it, so he is making you so unhappy you will. He still looks the good guy to his family then poor him. Actions speak louder than words I know this is hard. You have lots to offer someone else that values you and will truly want you. Go find him.

Why do you keep saying now that he involves you with his family ‘to a great extent’ but your OP says he doesn’t take you to family birthday parties, and even now he’s with his family all weekend and has his phone switched off.

It actually doesn’t matter what his reasons are for behaving like this and basically offering you a few scraps when he can be arsed. He might be gay, be looking for someone else, in love with his friend or just a selfish arsehole. Even if he actually has very strong feelings for you despite treating you like crap (tip - he absolutely doesn’t but even if we imagine he does) - it doesn’t actually matter. Whatever his motivation, what matters is how he treats you and how you’re being made to feel. You feel crap, sad and ‘less than’ in this so called relationship. That’s the reality, however much you try to unpick what’s really going on in his head - and that’s not going to change. You don’t need to know exactly what he’s thinking or why he’s not spending more time with you or making more effort - you just need to know that he isn’t, that it makes you feel bad and that you deserve better.

As for what you’re currently getting out of it - someone who is reasonably pleasant and displays basic civility towards you on the one evening a week you see each other - I mean come on, you could get that from the guy who delivers the take away. Aim higher and expect more for yourself.

Occasions such as a wedding( that I was invited to but not brought)

What does that mean? Did you go or not?

It's not the 3rd thread, probably nearer the 10th.

I have sympathy with the OP but think it would also be polite to be upfront about the number of times she's sought advice from people who give it freely not realising how much time she's already been given.

No offence OP but I think he’s just using you for a shag. Don’t allow yourself to be treated that way and find someone who adores you.

Thanks for your replies . I appreciate your responses . I didn't go to wedding as he wanted to be there on his own as he was going to be a groomsman . And I don't know that group of people. We've never met as they are overseas . He has involved me with his family and I have been at events with him but he seems to cherry pick the ones that he takes me to . His parents opinion and indeed all their opinions are his number one priority . I get on very well with them . It seems that he likes my company when we are in their company but not so much on our own . Even though we only see eachother rarely, his parents will often come for dinner with us or drinks etc. They are involved in a lot of our time together . That's why I asked if you thought there may be something in that . Him picking and choosing our time together but that time largely involving his family , if the need arises .

After your last post can you not see he is only using you to present and image to his parents?

I’m starting to think he really is gay.

I didn't go to wedding as he wanted to be there on his own as he was going to be a groomsman

Dh has been groomsman and best man - I still went

So you rarely see each other and a lot of the time when you do, his family are there too. So it's not even genuine quality time with him as you are focused on being part of the group. How often do you go on proper actual alone-as-a-couple dates?

Proper boyfriends want you to be part of their social groups, family, friends etc. But they also spend time alone with you for the fun stuff like sex and getting to know each other. How often have you just stayed in to watch a film or have dinner together and chatted about future plans, holidays even? Cos that's what people in relationships do.

During the week we may have dinner or watch a movie but a lot of the time his flat mates are there too . We have littleone to one time when I think of it . It's hard as he flat shares and so do I . He goes home to his parents house each weekend that he is not with friends or busy.m, despite owning his own home in the city .

It is hard to accept that he doesn't prioritise you, but it is very clear from your posts that he doesn't. He just uses you to present an image to his parents. He is either gay, has another woman or is a serial womaniser, and just not interested in a fully functioning relationship with you.

I'm sorry, but he just isn't that into you.

Yeah - I’d been with DP about 6- 8 weeks (can’t remember exactly) when I went to a wedding with him where he was best man. The groom was one of his best friends and many of his friends were there, as were DP’s parents. I’d not met any of them before. It was a bit anxiety inducing for me but we knew we were going somewhere and I was going to meet these people eventually so why not? It was fine, still one of my favourite memories of our early days actually and the first occasion we said we loved each other.

Basically if he wanted you there you’d be there - groomsman or not.

He doesn’t want time alone with you, he doesn’t want to integrate you into his everyday life and friendships but for some reason wants to parade you in front of his parents as his girlfriend despite in no way treating you like a girlfriend.

Not hard to draw conclusions as to why, but like I said above his inner motivations don’t actually matter. It’s actions that matter and his actions make you feel like crap.

What’s your theory about what’s going on with him op?

I'm scared that he wants me as a ' front' . That he wants the idea of the girlfriend more than an actual girlfriend . That he's doing this for appearances .

If that’s what you feel that is probably the case.

Question is, what are you going to do about it?

I'm scared that he doesn't find me sexually attractive or is in love with his friend but can't have her . In fact I worry about the female friend the most. He is besotted and spends all day with her at work.

Thanks Alexa haven't seen any previous threads.