Social services messy house, who’s responsible? Aibu to think both equally responsible?

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My partner wants to report me to social services for our messy house, leave me & take the children. They are infant school age & I work part time to look after them.
He does no cleaning & generally hates me, threatens to leave (I encourage but he doesn’t) & it’s getting me down.
Who would social services think is responsible for the messy house? Me & him equally I’d guess?
And I’ve been there main Carer so not sure how him wanting full custody would go down.
Any experience here?

You can self refer to SS, As a safeguarding alert eg financial abuse, coercive control
Referral will be screened and sw will meet you,discuss your current situation. So will assess the impact on family eg you and the kids
Likely you’ll be signposted to other agencies eg women aid

No SS wont send someone to do your domestic chores
Chores are the visible symptom of dysfunctional relationship not the cause.

What do you want to happen?if he does chores does that resolve it,do you see it as a viable relationship

You could present to LA as homeless as result of his abuse

Finally,is he the sole tenant on the rental agreement or is it both of you

How will you afford the rent if/when he leaves?

Sorry, just seen joint lease,month left.missed that

My house was a mess, not simply because exh didn't do anything but also because living with the financial and emotional abuse got me to a point where I was just surviving and had no reserves left for cleaning. He also said he'd take the kids and report me to SS because of the messy house.
He didn't report me, he moved out when I was offered a council house, he sees the dc, ds stays a couple of nights a week but dd refuses to go to his as it's filthy.
Our home is spotless, I've redecorated throughout, I only needed to get rid of his dead weight around my neck to give me the motivation I needed.
You can do it too OP. I got support from WA. I needed somebody to tell me it was abuse and I didn't have to put up with it. I'm happier and our dc are happier exh is full of self pity not that I care tbh. Go on take that first step to a happier life for you and the dc.

After rent I’d have about 550 for bills, childcare & food. Will be tight stretch without child maintenance

Fleshmarketclose - that’s exactly the situation & do need support.

Will he pay maintenance?
He doesn't sound the most reliable, helpful person.

fleshmarketclose that was exactly me when I lived with exh. I felt worn down to the point I couldn't be bothered. He also refused to do works to the house thay would have made it easier.

Now my house is generally speaking pretty tidy and clean. I work ft so I have a reliable cleaner but only fortnightly. He earns more than me but won't have a cleaner- but won't do the housework either it seems. His house is a midden.

It also helps that the kids go for contact so I have time to clean and tidy then!

Yes it will be tight, but you will be happier OP. I would not rely on getting any maintenance from him sadly.
Check if you would be entitled to any benefit help.

With universal credit I miss out but would have reduced council tax

I think you need to start looking at all the different avenues of support available in your area that can help you separate from your partner eg. turn2us, Homestart, Early help.
I wouldn't stress about the social service threats as I really don't think the children would be considered at risk enough to meet social service thresholds for intervention.
However, the reality of the situation is their emotional and potentially their developmental wellbeing is currently being compromised by living in a home where there is bad feeling. Children absorb the most from their environment and tend to copy the patterns of behaviour they have observed, do you really want your children to treat people, or be treated the way your partner treats you?

I think fleshmarketclose has it spot on

Don't worry about SS, use Women's Aid and the local police DV department for support and advice. If you work out that it is better to throw him out than leave with DC, then you can get someone to be present when you tell him to leave, to make sure he doesn't attack you. This man is not just mean but stupid - he is nowhere near clever or subtle enough to control himself in the presence of other people, so you shouldn't have too much trouble getting rid.

Oh, and the fact that he is deliberately creating mess and damage and ordering you to clean it is obvious evidence of coercive control and abuse.

Also OP if you are ever worried that he is going to get physical, or if he ever does, please ring the police straight away.

OP, my friends "DP" reported her to SS...it backfired massively because they saw straight through him and are now pressuring him to move out, to a shared house if necessary.

⬆️Yes, I don’t think it is a SS issue,however could become if things escalate and impact on kids

Call his bluff. Hand him the phone and tell him to go ahead. Show him you have the backbone not to put up with his shit. I did and it worked a treat. It's abuse, pure and simple and they want you to be scared of the world knowing. In actual fact it's bullshit and they need called out on it. Good luck OP hope you get him out of your home ASAP xx

Yes call SS, dial it for him
He’s being manipulative and trying to scare you

Christ on a bike!! Talk about male privilege!! All the posters asking how messy, take a bloody good look at yourselves. The op has said her partner does ZERO cleaning, etc towards the upkeep of the house, and from the sounds of it is coercive and controlling.

OP, get out now. Phone women's aid and look at all your options. SS won't give a shit about your messy house if you and your dc are experiencing domestic abuse.

I have called his bluff, he’s non comittal, will leave, won’t tell me when. I think I need move out to get rid of him but tricky financially & worse for kids but will carry on forever otherwise. Thanks all v v v v much for support, advice & help, I really appreciate it & congrats to all who escaped! I know there are worse situations but think low level non physical abuse/bad situations are difficult to leave.

think low level non physical abuse/bad situations are difficult to leave
You're right. They still do as much damage if not more to the DC, the arguing between you, the animosity, the mess, non of these are a good environment for the DC.

It is difficult to leave, but somehow you need to find the strength to.
I remember knowing I had to but feeling guilty about the consequences on my children. But after I left their nursery told me that the children were "blossoming". Dont underestimate how much children notice.

Stay strong for yourself and your precious children. He's a big boy now so he can take care if himself. He might have to get lessons on how to work a washing machine and boil an egg but who cares.

Does your LL have any other properties?