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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
cccameron · 25/05/2019 07:51

Like fuck would ANYONE pull over into the hard shoulder every time a text message came through. Ridiculous

OP, it is absolutely the parents responsibility to pick her up. Why should everyone miss out on a day of their holiday because of their and their daughters actions? I'd text back early this morning to give them plenty of notice to come and get her and say that you absolutely can't make the journey back with their daughter. You have other children to consider and it's not fair that their holiday be ruined. I'd bet my house that as soon as you say you are not driving her back they will be in their car. They are chancers. Don't let this ruin the trip. None of it is your fault.

steppemum · 25/05/2019 07:58

It would be illegal to pull on to the hard shoulder for a text message surely?

steppemum · 25/05/2019 08:00

OP did not take the daughter without permission.

Weekend all arrange, permission from parents, plans in place.
Leaving time set.
The kids turn up, as planned, and they get in the car and leave.

How is that OP taking her without permission?

They told their daughter to tell OP she couldn't come but the daughter didn't tell op so, as far as Op knew, all set as planned

pelirocco123 · 25/05/2019 08:04

Surely she wouldn't have any clothes etc with her if she wasn't supposed to come

RaffertyFair · 25/05/2019 08:09

the parents want her back, you cant refuse to give someone else's child back.

Oh ffs, OP isn't refusing to give a child back. Dont be ridiculous. Parents know where she is and could have collected her last night.

The parents are responsible full stop. - yhey are responsible for the situation arising in the first place by arranging to go away when they had already accepted the invitation on behalf of of their dd, they are responsible for failing to communicate with the OP , and responsible for collecting their dd if they want her.

Ski4130 · 25/05/2019 08:13

I don’t use my phone, at all, when I’m driving. Perfectly conceivable that I wouldn’t see a text until after if arrived at my destination. Think the people saying she should have checked her phone are misunderstanding the laws around phone use whilst driving.

cuppycakey · 25/05/2019 08:29

OP is NOT refusing to give the child back - police would not be remotely interested in this. They aren't fucking UBER!!!

Girls parents need to step up or shut up.

haverhill · 25/05/2019 08:34

Absolutely do not cut the holiday short or drive the child back. None of this is your fault at all. Her parents either collect her or they don’t.

NauseousMum · 25/05/2019 08:34

The girls are lying. If the text came through while they were playing on the phone they would see a notification and the first few lines. They kept quiet about it.

If They werent in on it then they'd be furious with friend over the worry of leaving early.

I'd question them on those two points.

If the crack, take them home. Tell their parents and don't do a thing to help them in the future. If you've lost money, arramge with your dm in advance for your sister to pay it back.

If you are sure they aren't in on it, the parents collect their dd.

BobTheDuvet · 25/05/2019 08:38

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BobTheDuvet · 25/05/2019 08:42

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Gigglinghysterically · 25/05/2019 08:43

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Fatted · 25/05/2019 08:44

I'll be honest, I haven't read the whole thread. But from what I've seen I'm assuming the girls have all colluded together so their friend could go when she'd been told no. Personally I'd be driving all the girls back as punishment for not telling you the truth. But that's just me.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 25/05/2019 08:44

The parents are totally responsible for this one (and trier daughter's bad behaviour).
I mean, how bloody RUDE to just send her along with a message saying, "oh sorry, I can't come any more." If you'd made alternative last-minute plans as they say they have, THEY should have phone the OP immediately and apologised profusely. And of course, offering to reimburse her for any lost costs.
Cheeky fuckers.

FabulouslyGlamourosFerret · 25/05/2019 08:44

This is the most bonkers thing I've heard in ages!

Offer to stick her on a train if they won't collect her! They shouldn't have been so bloody rude cancelling a paid for and planned weekend away at such short notice.

Cheby · 25/05/2019 08:47

If the parents had done the polite, reasonable and responsible thing in the first place and phone the OP to explain their change of plans at least a couple of hours before they were due to leave, then none of this would have happened.

As it is, they left their 11 year old daughter to convey the news. Extremely fucking rude when someone has made the very kind gesture of taking your child on a holiday. They only got in contact AFTER they had left. Ridiculous and massively ungrateful.

Clutterbugsmum · 25/05/2019 08:49

The CHILD's PARENTS should have informed the parents of the child who's party this is that their child could no longer come to her weekend away. They should never have expected the 11 to tell them especially if that 11 year old really wanted to go and not necessarily want to do what the parents want to do, of course that child not going to say anything especially if the child new that she would be well on her way before her parents got home from work.

caughtinanet · 25/05/2019 08:54

Where are you OP? Ime in England pretty much every child coming to the end of primary school already has a phone especially if they are coming home from school to an empty house for as long a period of time as I think you said this girl was. Have they all left them at home on purpose as part of the plan?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 25/05/2019 08:59

Everyone saying the OP has kidnapped the child etc. If your child was scheduled to be on a trip that you decided to change your mind on would you have sent a text to the organiser and then done nothing for hours despite not receiving a reply or would you have called them, ensuring they were aware of the situation, as soon as your plans changed?

This is not OP's fault.

You can't cut the holiday short without checking with the other girls' parents that they are able to go home as a PP pointed out they may have also gone away for the weekend.

Bovneydazzlers · 25/05/2019 09:02

Totally their problem for not informing you in good time.

I'd look at train routes for her (they pay), coach, taxi, or parents come and collect.

No way should you have to cut your holiday short.

WillLokireturn · 25/05/2019 09:07

Don’t take her back. They will have to make arrangements to collect their daughter.

Also; if they had rescinded her permission to go then they should have told you well before you were half way down the motorway.

This^^

Don't engage in a row with them, simply bat it back. "Oh dear, let me know when you have someone available to collect her then"....This is THEIR problem. Don't let them make it yours.

And this ^^

If they don't want to drive to collect her them, they can wait til you are due back. Or they can book an Uber to bring their DD home.
(Are you sure this isn't a sneaky way to get free childcare for a week so they can go on holiday childfree? As suddenly they'll help you out by agreeing you can keep her all week !?)

There is absolutely no reason they can't drive down to collect their DD early. They have another 36 hours to do so.

Beautiful3 · 25/05/2019 09:09

It's not your fault. Tell them you cannot drive back losing a day of your holiday. They have to collect their child or put her on a train going home.

angieloumc · 25/05/2019 09:15

Definitely on the parents to collect their daughter.
Though after this weekend I wouldn't ever do anything kind like this again for your sister, they were all certainly in on it.

RaffertyFair · 25/05/2019 09:24

Though after this weekend I wouldn't ever do anything kind like this again for your sister

Oh ffs, what an over reaction.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/05/2019 09:26

Does nobody else think it is bloody rude of the parents to cancel a three day trip on the day of the trip?

I do MrsCrane

I don't believe that they couldn't give more notice of their intention to take a family holiday, or that they couldn't have booked for a different time.