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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take their dd home early?

315 replies

twentytimes · 24/05/2019 20:10

I've taken my little sister and 3 of her friends (all 11) away for a few days as a birthday present to my sister. We're 3 hours away.

One of the girls parents apparently made last minute plans to go away as a family on Sunday, we aren't due back until Monday evening.

I think the girl was supposed to come to my mums house, say why she couldn't come and then go home. But she was there when I arrived to pick them up, with her some of her stuff and didn't say anything so I brought her with us as planned.

I finished work early and the girls were all ready so we left earlier than we were going to, the parents of the girl text me once we had already left saying that she couldn't come. I was driving and my phone got passed back to my sister and her friends to play on and I didn't see the message until we had arrived.

I've now spoken to her parents and they've said they need their dd back home to take her away and that they can't come and collect her. This means me driving them home a day early, cutting the trip short for my sister and the rest of her friends and losing the money I've spent on the extra day. My mum has offered to look after their dd for the week they're away, the girl is happy for this to happen.

Obviously her parents are welcome to come and pick her up but I don't want to have to drive her home early as I'm not sure this is my fault.

WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
LillithsFamiliar · 24/05/2019 23:35

I see where the DD gets her cheek from! They expect you to bring everyone back a day early, upset your DSIS' celebration and lose money for the extra night. . . because their DD lied!
Stay firm. They need to make arrangements. It's not your responsibility that they didn't communicate properly or that their DD lied. This is all on them.

StoppinBy · 24/05/2019 23:36

YANBU at all, their child did the wrong thing and now as the responsible adults in her life it's up to them to rectify that by picking her up. End of story.

You did not kidnap her, they had given permission and only they and their daughter knew that they had changed their minds, no one in their right mind would blame you for that.

LittleRedMushroom · 24/05/2019 23:43

This is one of those situations where you have to act stern and serious in front of the kids, but are actually laughing your head off silently.
I agree with previous posters - if the parents want their daughter home, they need to get off their backsides and collect her.

Not your problem.

StoppinBy · 24/05/2019 23:47

Also I agree that it was very mean to cancel the trip on their DD and to then send her round to wave you all off is even meaner.

I think they kind of deserve to think about that on their 6 hour round trip Wink.

TotHappy · 24/05/2019 23:55

Lol!

RedPink · 24/05/2019 23:56

The weirdest thing is that you gave your phone to a group of 11 year olds to play on! Who does that 🤪

PollyShelby · 25/05/2019 00:03

I'd be furious if my DD did this.

They need to collect her.

Homebird8 · 25/05/2019 00:08

Text the parents...
If you need your daughter home then you need to make a plan. Otherwise I will look after her safely for you until we all return on Monday.

starfishmummy · 25/05/2019 00:08

I'd be sending aall1 the 11 year olds home by train and enjoying a few days away by myself!!

drinkygin · 25/05/2019 00:08

Absolutely their problem. They’ll bloody have to fit in a six hour trip!

Yabbers · 25/05/2019 00:10

If I suspected they were in on it, I’d be taking them all home.

MulticolourMophead · 25/05/2019 00:12

I would not be taking the girls home early. Punishment can be made after the trip. I'd be thinking of the other parents who may have made plans based on their DDs being away.

Text CF parents to come and collect, if they want her. I'd be betting that they are perfectly able to do the 6 hour round trip, they just don't want to.

Hollyhobbi · 25/05/2019 00:26

Sounds like the young one would prefer going away with her pals than her parents!!

CJsGoldfish · 25/05/2019 00:30

I dont have the full story either but I think the girl knew she wasnt supposed to come but wanted to so just did hoping her parents wouldn't cause a fuss once she was already here.
I think my sister and the rest of the friends were told and helped her to do this but this has been denied

The is NO WAY I'd facilitate behaviour like this.
I would like to say I'm surprised that so many find it 'hilarious' and blame the parents but I'm not. I've read enough threads whining about teenage behaviour (I don't know how or why he/she is like this, I really don't Hmm )
It starts somewhere and you're just as bad as the girls OP and probably should not be in charge of them

DeRigueurMortis · 25/05/2019 00:35

CJ

What a load of rubbish.

The OP has been very kind organising this trip.

She's absolutely blameless here.

Well done for the goadyist post on the thread through Hmm

Yabbers · 25/05/2019 00:37

The weirdest thing is that you gave your phone to a group of 11 year olds to play on! Who does that
Yep, as if they didn’t have phones of their own.

LittlePaintBox · 25/05/2019 00:49

I tend to agree with dishing -

They wanted their daughter to go, but they want her back early for their trip on Sunday so they let her go, then oh dear oh dear what a silly mistake never mind OP can just drive back.

The parents are CFs, they got a last minute deal for a holiday and expect the OP to finish her sister's treat weekend a day early to fit in with their plans.

Just tell them you can't fit in a 6 hour round trip either. I think they'll come up with another plan.

Oohgossip · 25/05/2019 00:50

I wouldn’t be coming home early - they can collect their daughter then deal with her as they see fit!

BlondeBumshelll · 25/05/2019 00:51

No way would I be making the trip back. Tell them you'll meet half way or they can come collect.

Chickenwings85 · 25/05/2019 01:06

Their child their responsibility! They should've been more responsible by telling an adult that by no means that their daughter can not attend.
Lazy shits need to collect their daughter.

CJsGoldfish · 25/05/2019 01:07

CJ
What a load of rubbish
The OP has been very kind organising this trip
She's absolutely blameless here
Well done for the goadyist post on the thread through hmm

Meh.
No way would I collude with a bunch of 11 yr old girls who probably think it's awesome to deceive the adults with their sneaky behaviour. I don't need to be the 'cool parent/adult' in that way.
Actually has nothing to do with the other parents and what they have or haven't done, I have NO doubt all the girls knew that one wasn't allowed to go and it wouldn't surprise me if the only 'adult' on the trip was aware as well considering she conveniently didn't 'see' the messages for 3 hours.

Have no problem having a different opinion. I'm not lowering my bar because others may. Not sure why that's 'goady' but whatevs Hmm

Homebird8 · 25/05/2019 01:26

it wouldn't surprise me if the only 'adult' on the trip was aware as well considering she conveniently didn't 'see' the messages for 3 hours

Are you the parent CJ?

Stressedout10 · 25/05/2019 01:34

CJ how often do you read texts whilst driving? You do know that using your phone whilst you're driving is illegal

DeRigueurMortis · 25/05/2019 01:35

She was driving CJ.

As for lowering your bar I'm not sure that's possible.

You're choosing to blame the OP for circumstances instigated by the child's parents, then also for the child's response to that.

It's not about being cool or not.

I don't condone the children's behaviour, but I dont think it's up to the OP to punish the children or resolve the problem.

That's for the parents.

MulticolourMophead · 25/05/2019 01:41

it wouldn't surprise me if the only 'adult' on the trip was aware as well considering she conveniently didn't 'see' the messages for 3 hours

I don't use my phone to call or text while driving, cos, well, it's illegal. It's only switched on to have my music playing through the audio deck in the car.

OP was driving and you're querying that she wasn't looking at messages?