dp wants a pre-nup and i feel like shit

[lanaturnerssmile]

DP told me today “we need to sort out our finances with the solicitors”. He means some sort of pre-nup. Its 8 weeks to our wedding.
We have been together for 13 years and have 3 dc’s together.
He has £££ in assets after investing his money very well. He stands to make a lot of money if things continue as they are. I have a part-time job that pays peanuts (i dont need to work i chose to out of boredom when kids started school) after being a SAHM for years and have nothing to my name. We haven’t got married before now because he’s always said he doesn’t have the spare cash and he wants us to have a proper wedding. Also neither of us were that bothered, but then i started realising it was putting me in a very precarious situation should something happen to him.
Ive been so happy planning the wedding and now i just feel so deflated. i feel like he just wants to protect himself. i dont even know how much he has - how do i know he’ll tell the truth about his assets?
I said “what if i say im not signing anything?” and he said “we’ll get something drawn up and then discuss it”. I dont think he’ll marry me unless i sign something. Im completely ignorant when it comes to legal/financial matters and i dont want to sign something that seems like a good deal and then end up getting shafted (i would obvs have an independent solicitor to try and stop that happening).
For the record i love him very much and i know he loves me. We have a great relationship. Ive been feeling so smug though about how happy we are after being together so long, still really fancy one another and all that. Now i feel like my bubble has completely burst. I feel like its changed my opinion of him in a negative way. It feels so icky.
Anyone have any experience of this?

Sorry I think your husbands an idiot! Plenty of women on here are told to protect their assets for themselves and their children. Plenty of sahps refuse to go back to work and chose the sahp role. And the role isn't more important at all. As important possibly but a sahp is no good without a roof over your kids heads/food in their belly etc.

My concern if I were him is if you split and then you remarry, the money supppsed to be for his children will actually go to another man/possibly his family.

It's done now tho!

Love a Zombie thread. So many posters talking rubbish! Very entertaining.

Great news OP.

Weird how the update didn't come from the OP's username and reads like someone else wrote it.

How odd.

Wow has some front, if he has earned all his money while with you and you are contributing ( SAHM) and part-time work is contributing. You are entitled to half. Go to a solicitor or citizen advice. Sounds like he is playing on your lack of financial knowledge. He is trying t to now potect the assess from you. Take care and don`t sign anything, is my advice.

Sorry just seen this is a zombie thread

GREAT UPDATE OP
So glad it all worked out for you!

OP! In your shoes I would smile and sign.

Then after the wedding I would make sure his life assurance policy was fully paid up before I spent an afternoon in a library where I was not known researching undetectable poisons.

How did you manage to have three children with him without realising he was a plonker.

Oh bugger, I've been zombied.

Hope you are well OP, and your OH as well.........

Lovely update op
I’m pleased he saw sense
Money comes and goes..I hope he never forgets what he nearly lost and I hope he spends the rest of his life making sure he never tries to pull that stunt again

I was in your shoes op. Not quite so close to the wedding but still. My in laws thought it would be a good idea if we got a pre nup, to protect what belonged to their son. He then also thought it was a good idea even though it had never crossed his mind before.
I told him in no uncertain terms would I sign anything, that everything ‘he’ had was possible because of the sacrifices I had made.
He never mentioned it again and we married without a pre nup.
However I urge you to think very carefully. My husband is a total arse when it comes to money. I earn peanuts because I only work part time so I can look after the children. He offers to ‘help me out’ with money all the time. He’ll ‘help me out’ when the kids need shoes or when my shitty car breaks down etc etc etc.
He very much sees the money he earns as his. And sometimes asks me to pay him back for things that he has ‘helped me out’ with.
He also doesn’t do anything around the house because he is the all powerful mighty money earner.
It’s shitty. Think carefully about a lifetime with someone who behaves like this. I wish I had!

And now I’ve finished reading the thread. Obviously very late to this particular party

I have a part-time job that pays peanuts (i dont need to work i chose to out of boredom when kids started school) after being a SAHM for years and have nothing to my name.

The fact you have nothing to your name is precisely the reason you do need to work

Op, how much money are we taking about here? Is he vastly wealthy (millions) or has just built up a good savings pot?

He may have just got it into his head that this is something he needs to protect himself. I would go along with an open mind and see what is presented to you. Pre nups can be useful in that you are negotiating a settling of the marriage whilst everyone is still on good terms and not entrenched in a ludicrous position. It doesn't mean he's planning on divorcing you. And it won't necessarily be enforceable in any event.

Fuck. Zombie.

@rainyrain everything ‘he’ had was possible because of the sacrifices I had made

You sure about that? Even in law you only “made” half of it. And how many pay cheques came in with your name on?

ZOMBIE THREAD

Rainyrain won't be pay for childcare so you can pursue a career? There will come a time the kids fly the nest after all. I built my career as a single parent with no support let alone a whole other person to take care of the children and house! I'm glad I did though as I know I can house and feed my kids etc if me and dp split. It's freeing as it means if I wanted to leave I wouldn't have to stay for money.

Nice update but this is [yet] another reminder that it's always best to tie the knot before you have kids. OP says she managed to successfully "call the bluff" of her OH but he really held all the cards & could simply have said no to marriage, leaving her entitled to nothing.

Not a zombie, OP updated it 😊

@MrsGolightyly

RTFT before piling in as a zombie 🧟‍♂️ 🧟‍♀️ 🗡

@SunshineCake

Really?

So we know it is in fact a real update, not someone posing as the OP under a close-sounding name.

@SunOnAll Gets what I mean.

@Aridane

RTFT before piling in as a zombie

I did RTFT. Posters were responding to the OP's original post, which was old.