dp wants a pre-nup and i feel like shit

[lanaturnerssmile]

DP told me today “we need to sort out our finances with the solicitors”. He means some sort of pre-nup. Its 8 weeks to our wedding.
We have been together for 13 years and have 3 dc’s together.
He has £££ in assets after investing his money very well. He stands to make a lot of money if things continue as they are. I have a part-time job that pays peanuts (i dont need to work i chose to out of boredom when kids started school) after being a SAHM for years and have nothing to my name. We haven’t got married before now because he’s always said he doesn’t have the spare cash and he wants us to have a proper wedding. Also neither of us were that bothered, but then i started realising it was putting me in a very precarious situation should something happen to him.
Ive been so happy planning the wedding and now i just feel so deflated. i feel like he just wants to protect himself. i dont even know how much he has - how do i know he’ll tell the truth about his assets?
I said “what if i say im not signing anything?” and he said “we’ll get something drawn up and then discuss it”. I dont think he’ll marry me unless i sign something. Im completely ignorant when it comes to legal/financial matters and i dont want to sign something that seems like a good deal and then end up getting shafted (i would obvs have an independent solicitor to try and stop that happening).
For the record i love him very much and i know he loves me. We have a great relationship. Ive been feeling so smug though about how happy we are after being together so long, still really fancy one another and all that. Now i feel like my bubble has completely burst. I feel like its changed my opinion of him in a negative way. It feels so icky.
Anyone have any experience of this?

Thank you for the update.

Threads often fall off the radar and then someone updates and I think, I am glad to know what happened.

What would be the point of that @FrockFrockFrockityFrock?

@Lanaturnerssmilenow

Thank you for coming back to update.

I’m so happy he relented and it all worked out for you.
Well done for standing firm and insisting he listen to you rather than just expecting you to go along with what he says.

Congratulations on your marriage.

Great update.

🍾🥂❤️

Yay! That is a brilliant update, congratuations

Congratulations on your marriage OP, well done for getting it sorted out.

Glad there was an update.

Is zombie thread really all that bad when it could prompt theOP to come back?

50% of marriages end in divorce.

He would be stupid not to protect himself. If something changed down the line you would be entitled to half of everything that he has worked for, as it stands.

If you're not getting divorced then there's nothing to worry about. Sign it as a show of good faith.

I'll be insisting on a pre-nup.

Good grief, talk about shutting the barn door after the horse has bolted.

Is he talking about protecting a large sum he had before you got together?

Get legal advice separately from him.

ah, a zombie - glad it ended well OP

I would 100% get something drawn up!
He has a legal obligation to you and DC and a prenup may protect him but it will also protect you. For a prenup to be legally binding it has to consider interests of both parties, it can’t just write you out for instance. Go and make sure you insist on a plan for DC and yourself. Include a wage for your SAHM time... child care isn’t free if mum isn’t at home. Our prenup is designed to protect DH not me (main earner)

I would make sure anything that is signed reflects the fact that you became a sahm so he could continue his career without extra pressure of childcare.

OP if you can get back into your first username and re-post/confirm, that would be ideal.

Lol. Chill out detective.

Oops, popped up on active so didnt check it was a zombie

Glad it ended well

Personally I’d never marry without a prenup.

Me and my DP have been together since we where 13, two DC, he earns alot and I don't as I'm a SAHM and he wants me to sign a prenup too but I told him no, how stupid. We've been together since we where kids so it's not like I'm after his money. He's not mentioned it since

@Jargoyle, he - the hypothetical millionaire - wanted her, and her specifically, the wife he chose, to bring up his children though. That's why she doesn't just get a nanny's salary. It's not that she works harder, it's that they both created the family together

lanaturnerssmilenow Glad it worked out. So you're not also the Barbour jacket poster?

what ajobquestion said.
wait till morning of wedding to sign.
ask no details.
tell him you have trust that he's looking after your interests as he loves you enough to marry.
good luck.

I imagine if the roles were reversed and a woman was asking for a prenup she would be deemed sensible and protecting herself.

Glad you got what you wanted op. The husband and the money.

What a great thread. Congratulations OP, on your marriage and how you handled everything. Well done Mumsnetters, for this thread. 🥂

Have you seen the document yet?

If not, I think I would go see a shit hot lawyer now before you even see the pre nup to get general non specific advice. I would also find out if it's possible to negotiate the terms. Then you can decide what to do next. I would have thought that would be ok as it's not specific to the pre nup but I could be wrong.

If you are talking about marrying someone who has a £25m pot of assets, then I would guess you could manage comfortably on less than 50% in the event of a divorce provided your DC were taken care of properly. That said, you have contributed to these assets by being at home and being responsible for all home related matters. You need to discuss this with a lawyer.

I would be concerned that your DP is trying to sneak something not very nice in under the radar
by bringing this up in the run up to the wedding.

ZOMBIE THREAD

What great news, the best possible outcome. Thank you very much for coming back and telling us the good news.

Another win for MN. Hurrah.