dp wants a pre-nup and i feel like shit

[lanaturnerssmile]

DP told me today “we need to sort out our finances with the solicitors”. He means some sort of pre-nup. Its 8 weeks to our wedding.
We have been together for 13 years and have 3 dc’s together.
He has £££ in assets after investing his money very well. He stands to make a lot of money if things continue as they are. I have a part-time job that pays peanuts (i dont need to work i chose to out of boredom when kids started school) after being a SAHM for years and have nothing to my name. We haven’t got married before now because he’s always said he doesn’t have the spare cash and he wants us to have a proper wedding. Also neither of us were that bothered, but then i started realising it was putting me in a very precarious situation should something happen to him.
Ive been so happy planning the wedding and now i just feel so deflated. i feel like he just wants to protect himself. i dont even know how much he has - how do i know he’ll tell the truth about his assets?
I said “what if i say im not signing anything?” and he said “we’ll get something drawn up and then discuss it”. I dont think he’ll marry me unless i sign something. Im completely ignorant when it comes to legal/financial matters and i dont want to sign something that seems like a good deal and then end up getting shafted (i would obvs have an independent solicitor to try and stop that happening).
For the record i love him very much and i know he loves me. We have a great relationship. Ive been feeling so smug though about how happy we are after being together so long, still really fancy one another and all that. Now i feel like my bubble has completely burst. I feel like its changed my opinion of him in a negative way. It feels so icky.
Anyone have any experience of this?

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Don't waste time posting here as the OP is long gone and did not come back to report on whether she married the greedy twunt with or without a pre-nup.

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I'm not anti pre-nup , even though they're not legally binding in the UK, but after you've been together that long and you've already given up your earning potential to raise your joint children, I'd be telling him to fuck off.

Oh ffs

For those suggesting she should have stormed off and told him to piss off, if it's all about the money she would still have been better married to him with the pre-nup than not married to him at all.

Don't marry him!

Don't flame me but I can sort of see his point. If you marry and divorce you'll get 50% of everything (or perhaps more) and I can see why he doesn't think that's fair

Yet she’s given him his children and the home life he’s always wanted! Plus she’s given up her career to support his. What planet are you off?

Do not get legal advice.

Send him emails showing that you don't really understand. Ask in the emails how it protects you and the children.

His answers will shaft himself good and proper.

Sign it. Just make sure that you don't really understand what you are signing, on record. It would help to point out that he has made that money with your support, and that you have been SAHM for nearly all of the 13 years.

He would be F&ed in court, and his 'pre-nup' would mean nothing. If you don't split up, then its just a piece of paper.

In the mean time, live a good life.

Are your finances equal? Does he pay the household bills from a join account? If I were you, squirrel away what you earn in your part time job and learn about money and investments.

There was a truly depressing presentation in woman's hour about how having children make women financially vulnerable pensions and old age wise when the

'you support me in my career and I will protect you' understanding breaks down because women have used their energy looking after children, and it has nothing to do with educational attainment.

You can get a prenuptial of your own drawn up, to protect your interests and rights. My mother and her 3rd dh each had them when they married each other.

I' think he should have been more worried about having a good will over all these years as you are not married but the mother of his three children.

Have you asked him why he wants one now? Suggest to him he doesnt trust you and belies you would never respect him as a person if any relationship breakdown happened, I'd suggest if he has such a low idea of my moral standards and was already looking towards a marriage break up then a wedding shouldn't be happening atc all if i was in your position.

For whatever reason he has some strange ideas going on.

A marriage with a prenup isnt a marriage.
When you marry you become as one.
Seems he isnt thinking of you OP?
If it were me I would say no.
If he doesnt trust you with "his" money then what's the point of becoming man and wife?

< sigh >

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this is really bad isnt it?because out of marriage he and his money are safe as it were arent they?because he has to give nothing if you split.
where as manage means then your money is his money(in a sense) if you split you then have claims to whatever he has.
or am i getting this wrong.

of feck.zombie and i fell right in font of it.

I have also heard that it is important not to get legal advice--easier to prove co3ersion. If you get divorced however, THEN get legal avice.

@lanaturnerssmile

I don't think pre-nups stand up in court if you have children and have been married for a long time. Even so I would refuse to sign it if I was you ... he sounds like a right catch and if my husband to be had asked me to sign one I would have called off the wedding. You are entitled to 50% of everything if the marriage falls apart imo.

I just realised this was an old thread. I hope she didn't marry him because I wouldn't have done.

Honestly. I think if this post was the other way round then people would be jumping on saying of course protect your assets. No it's not romantic. Yes he's an arse for leaving it until the last minute.
I would look at what he is proposing and then seek your own legal advice and negotiate on what is fair taking into account your loss of earnings etc due to children.

I would look at what he is proposing

I would look at the bloody date and maybe glance at one or two of the other posts today.

@lanaturnerssmile
What happened?

Have you asked him, he could be referring to wills etc rather than a prenup? Also they aren't necessarily legally standing in the U.K.

Don’t get legal advice and sign just the day before,

Be interesting to see whether he advises you to seek legal advise....

After 13 years and 3 children? I'm speechless. I'm sorry OP, but has he lost his marbles?

Has he spoken to a divorced friend recently...?

Don’t get legal advice and sign just the day before,
Be interesting to see whether he advises you to seek legal advise....

THIS THREAD IS FROM MAY - PRETTY SURE IT'S A BIT LATE TO ASK.

And for the third time:

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Look at the effing date, people!

@lanaturnerssmile ???