dp wants a pre-nup and i feel like shit

[lanaturnerssmile]

DP told me today “we need to sort out our finances with the solicitors”. He means some sort of pre-nup. Its 8 weeks to our wedding.
We have been together for 13 years and have 3 dc’s together.
He has £££ in assets after investing his money very well. He stands to make a lot of money if things continue as they are. I have a part-time job that pays peanuts (i dont need to work i chose to out of boredom when kids started school) after being a SAHM for years and have nothing to my name. We haven’t got married before now because he’s always said he doesn’t have the spare cash and he wants us to have a proper wedding. Also neither of us were that bothered, but then i started realising it was putting me in a very precarious situation should something happen to him.
Ive been so happy planning the wedding and now i just feel so deflated. i feel like he just wants to protect himself. i dont even know how much he has - how do i know he’ll tell the truth about his assets?
I said “what if i say im not signing anything?” and he said “we’ll get something drawn up and then discuss it”. I dont think he’ll marry me unless i sign something. Im completely ignorant when it comes to legal/financial matters and i dont want to sign something that seems like a good deal and then end up getting shafted (i would obvs have an independent solicitor to try and stop that happening).
For the record i love him very much and i know he loves me. We have a great relationship. Ive been feeling so smug though about how happy we are after being together so long, still really fancy one another and all that. Now i feel like my bubble has completely burst. I feel like its changed my opinion of him in a negative way. It feels so icky.
Anyone have any experience of this?

Thanks for the update OP 🍾🥂

Well done for standing your ground and congratulations on your happy marriage

What a lovely update. I had wondered what happened and appreciate you coming back and letting us know.

I have a friend who signed a prenup as she loved her DH very much and wanted to prove she wasn't after his money as he was a bit older. Long story short, he had a run of bad investments and lost 95% of his wealth (still comfortably middle class though) while she had the complete opposite and grew a business opportunity into an empressive business. She is worth more than he initially was and is moving into 8 figure numbers now. He is trying to negotiate a postnup. Karma is a bitch.

What a lovely update.

I wouldn't have an issue with this in theory but it would totally depend.on what it says. If it said eg you get no money but do get the house or money to buy not a problem. After all you could have worked and had your own financial independence?

Yay! Thanks for the update OP, and huge congratulations.

Yay x well done

Yay x

Glad it’s all been sorted out and you are happy. Good on you for standing your ground. A friend of my partners had a similar stunt pulled on him but stupidly signed it

lovely to read your update

I so love an updated thread

That is a fantastic update OP.
I am really pleased for you on every level.
Congrats 🎊

@DollyPomPoms - that used to be the case (ie prenups not being enforceable in the UK) - however, since a number of years back, that's no longer the case

Lovely update OP. Well done.

Sorry to hear this, OP. What a horrible shock, and so close to the wedding. I would have a strong urge to tell him to stuff the prenup and the wedding. But I think marriage still gives you some more protection, so it's probably best to go through with it.

Oh what a shame. This must have wiped out all your happy anticipation. What a heartless thing to do.

@lanaturnerssmile thanks for that lovely update! I am delighted for you, both of you and your DC. Be happy!

Ah, I hadn't seen the update. Glad OP stood her ground and got a happy ending!

Well done, @lanaturnerssmile I'd also wondered. I can honestly say this is why it's so important for women to have an education and good work history. You just never know what could await! Very happy for you!

Roar!

OP if you can get back into your first username and re-post/confirm, that would be ideal. Anyone could've made that name and given an update.

Excellent- and for the Zombie Hunters, ha ha. OP returned and updated

This is Mumsnet at its best. Sound advice, taken on board with a positive outcome.

Excellent news, OP. Thanks for the update

I guess the question is partly how many million pounds raising a family deserves.

I struggle with these types of situations because (despite the woman often enabling their partner to focus on their career) I think it's hard to contest that if somebody makes a genuinely significant amount of money it is likely going to be down to their individual skills and prowess - there are many blokes who wouldn't ever become millionaires no matter how much of the housework/childcare their wife took on.

I don't think partners should be left high and dry in the event of a divorce but I'd still feel a bit grabby trying to convince myself that I was due several million just because my partner earns 10x what my neighbour's husband earns, despite my neighbour working just as hard at bringing up her family (possibly harder without money for cleaners/nannies/gardeners etc).

👋👋👋