To have a third child just to have a girl?

[Calltheguards]

I know I'm being completely ridiculous!

I dream of having a daughter. My mum and I used to collect dolls and say I would pass them down to my daughter (it was more my mum's thing than mine but I liked the idea of it). I get so jealous when I see little girl clothing. We have boys and they're lovely but I really, really want a girl.

AIBU to have us try in hopes that we get a girl?

Someone I know ended up with four boys before a girl. Now she has poor relationships with all of them as she is so overstretched and can’t afford all the fancy girls clothes she wanted to buy. It’s sad for the boys too.

What if you have a girl next time who wants to wear trousers, climb trees and play football?

I don’t think it’s ridiculous to want a daughter, I think it’s quite common for people to feel that way. I think it would be crazy to have a third child if the ONLY reason you want one is to have a daughter though. Try to imagine you have been told number three will definitely be a boy- would you go ahead anyway because you ultimately do want three children? If not then I don’t think you should do it.

No, no, no, terrible idea.

This is so fucked up. The poor boys (and I include the third, who is far more likely to be a boy than a girl).

I'm the youngest of 4 and the only girl. I hated dolls. My poor mum would give them to me and I'd chop their hair, pull their heads off and melt them in the garden with my brothers.

I've not read the full thread but the people suggesting adoption as a viable option are being ridiculous. You would never be approved as an adopter if this was your motivation. Adoption is about finding families for children.

Ooh it's time for the extra baby anecdotes!

Family round here debated long and hard about having a third child, the decided to go for it. They had..... triplets.

They were semi famous for a bit. They had to have a centipede shaped toddler bus thingy custom built to take them all out.

37 weeks with 4th boy. TBH I wanted children not a gender so not that bothered.

I find this op utterly ludicrous. With a 50% chance of having a boy it's a pretty silly gamble to take if you are so desperate for a girl. I cannot understand desperation for one sex over another to the point you'd have another child just to see if it works out.

When I decided to go for no 3, although we wanted another baby of either sex I did 'try' for a girl using the timing method as we already had 2 boys. She's 31 now so the concept may have been thoroughly debunked. I stress as well that we wanted a baby anyway and it was always planned to be the last one, I was sterilised during my c section.

www.ingender.com/gender-info/Odds-of-having-all-boys-or-girls.aspx

So, according to these American statistics, chance is the main factor. 51% chance you will get a boy. 49% chance of a girl.

As others have said, go for a third if you want another child, but don’t feed your desire for a girl. If it’s dominating your thoughts, seek counselling.

When my children were young I met a woman who had 2 boys and was desperate for a girl. She'd even say to them "I didn't want you, did I? What did I want? " and they would reply "A girl, Mummy". She eventually had a girl, and I bumped into her when the child was 2. I'd expected a frilly pink princess. What I saw was a scruffy unkempt child wearing her brother's cast off clothing, including grey school shorts which were so big they reached her ankles. Not sure why she wanted a girl....

Oh yay, another thread of 'I want an ickle princess so we can play dollies together and I can dress in frilly pink dresses all day long. Squeeeee! We'll always be best of friends and when she's older, we can have girly bonding days of shopping and getting our hair/nails done' 🙄

I bet you also believe that bollocks about a daughter is for Life, a son until he finds a wife. Blah blah blah.

I'm the youngest of 3 and only girl. My parents didn't try for a girl ( I was a surprise) but my mum was happy I was a boy. I was stuck in frilly dresses as a child and grew up doing certain things as I was the girl. I took over shopping for birthday/Xmas presents for my mum as my brothers are 'boys' so it's easier for me. For my mum's 60th birthday, I ended up organising everything with a very young baby and PND. Afterwards, I had a MASSIVE go and point blank refused to help with that shit ever again. They're grown men, if they can do this stuff for their partners, they can do it for our mother.

As an adult, I prefer Marvel films, rock music, etc. I also despise shopping. I always felt like a disappointment to my mum as a teenager as I hated that crap.

Have a child because you want a child, with their own personality and preferences. Don't have a baby and give it a 'job' before it's even born.

I do understand the wondering, if you've not ruled out a third child anyway. I have two DS, one 3 and one a little baby. I would have liked a girl, but had I had two DD's, I think I probably would have liked a boy. It's the wondering of what a child the opposite sex would be like. Saying that it's early days, my DS' don't really look alike so they will probably be completely different!

I also don't feel "done" though, mainly because I've loved having a little baby again so much, I feel I want to do it again! And if I had a third, I would secretly have a preference for a girl. But if I had a boy, that would be that. I would adore him in the same way I adore my two DS, and our family would be complete.

where would it stop for you? I would NEVER have 4 children, whereas even pre DC, I definitely wondered about having 3, as I'm one of 2 and always thought it would've been nice to have had another sibling. So if you just want to give yourself one more "chance", then go for it. But if you think you would then want a 4th, then a 5th, if you keep having boys, I think it's safer to stick at 2!

And if it's any consolation, DH is one of three, the youngest being a girl. I don't think MIL was trying for a girl, as they have implied that SIL was an accident, but oh my gosh SIL is so hugely favoured by MIL. It's sickening. They're all adults now, BIL and my DH are lovely men, happily married with families and in good jobs. SIL is a spoilt overgrown child, unhappy because she feels the world owes her something. She mainly spends time with MIL and her mates, and doesn't have much of a life of her own. It's sad and I always think it's a reflection of how she was brought up.

People who struggle with fertility and don't get the luxury of deliberating their ideal gender....they just want a baby, a healthy baby

You can only think this ridiculously when everything is perfect but you want more perfection

I would love two boys like you have now, and not for a second would I say 'they are lovely' BUT

Nothing wrong with wanting a third child but theres a 50/50 chance of being a boy, and what if it's twins??? Only you can decide but just to hope for a girl isn't the right reason

I really don't get this "having the full set" mindset. You're not collecting stamps. All children are individuals, the days of gender stereotyping are long gone. I feel sorry for all the families I know with boy-boy-girl, or girl-girl-boy, the likelihood being that the second child was a disappointment to them. Reminds me of Princess Diana - she was supposed to be a boy.

A friend of my Mum’s had four girls and all were c-sections so the doctors warned her not to have another because her uterus wasn’t up to it. She was determined to ‘give her husband a boy’ so had another who luckily was a boy then she got sterilised. I say luckily because she has admitted she would have kept having children until she got a boy! She was literally risking leaving her DD’s motherless just to have a son.

I’m sorry OP but I don’t understand it. Maybe it’s because I have two boys and two girls but if they were all boys or all girls, I would not be disappointed and I do know that for a fact. Their health and happiness is the only important thing to me.

Oh and another thing, there’s nothing stopping you from giving your DS’s the doll.

People who struggle with fertility and don't get the luxury of deliberating their ideal gender....they just want a baby, a healthy baby

This....when I was ttc and having IVF I honestly cannot remember ever feeling I wanted one sex more than the other. I just wanted to be pregnant, with a baby.

I corrected someone recently who tilted her head and said "oh, will go try again for a girl?". I told her I thought it is always ridiculous when people ask me that. If we have another DC, it will be because we want another DC not because we want a girl or a boy. Please don't have a DC just so you can try for a girl, it's not fair on the DC.

I think people often put unrealistic expectations on a certain sex. I think some women who do go on to have their much-desired little girl are often the ones who get real gender disappointment when the reality of having a daughter doesn’t live up to their expectations.

Looking at adult daughters and mothers I know in RL so many of them don’t have the ‘close relationship’ at all. My great aunt had a longed-for girl after 3 boys. Her daughter moved abroad and is 45 with no husband or children (which is how she wanted her life to go!) and has barely stayed in touch with my aunt through adult life. There was certainly none of the ‘mother of the bride, being close with the grandchildren’ stuff she thought was guaranteed with a daughter. I’ve seen the same with others I know.

So I certainly don’t pin hopes to having girly shopping trips and being forever friends with my DD when she’s older. I just find it a bit of a gross fetishisation of motherhood- like it’s all about what you are getting from the experience rather than it being about raising well-rounded individual humans.

YANBU. I had 2 boys and was desperate for a girl. I did end up with my girl eventually. But of course, if you end up with a boy, you have to be ok with that too