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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a third child just to have a girl?

179 replies

Calltheguards · 21/05/2019 19:42

I know I'm being completely ridiculous!

I dream of having a daughter. My mum and I used to collect dolls and say I would pass them down to my daughter (it was more my mum's thing than mine but I liked the idea of it). I get so jealous when I see little girl clothing. We have boys and they're lovely but I really, really want a girl.

AIBU to have us try in hopes that we get a girl?

OP posts:
redstapler · 21/05/2019 20:03

I know two families who did this. one had two boys and got twin boys. The other had two girls and got twin girls.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/05/2019 20:04

If you try for another one. Itd have to be because you want a baby and not because she want a girl. How would you feel if you had another boy, because. No one can guarantee you a girl.

81Byerley · 21/05/2019 20:05

I met a woman with triplet girls. They were a fourth attempt to have a boy.....

SpecterLitt · 21/05/2019 20:06

I have a family friend who has been desperate for a daughter, she is now the mother of 6 boys and has finally accepted that she cannot keep producing children.

How would you feel if you do not have a daughter this time? Will you just keep trying and trying? When will it stop?

I understand the want and desire, but sometimes it's just not possible. If you can afford a third child and have the full means to support him or her by all means you can try, but if you do not and you're just trying in hope for a girl I would suggest you don't.

You also have to consider how you would feel for the child if it turns out to be a boy again, would this be something that triggers an emotional reaction where you cannot see yourself being close to the child?

I know this is not suggested often, but if you do want a girl so bad, why not look in to adoption or fostering? If you have the means you could really give a disadvantaged child a better life. If I were in your situation, that is definitely something I would consider.

bridgetreilly · 21/05/2019 20:06

YABU and you know it. Three boys makes a great family, as do two boys. Love the children you have and let go of silly childhood ideas.

Justmuddlingalong · 21/05/2019 20:07

We have boys and they're lovely but I really, really want a girl.
That sentence sits really uncomfortably with me.

Namenic · 21/05/2019 20:10

Imagine you will have another boy and make your decision on that. Safest way to go.

DulciUke · 21/05/2019 20:11

I was the fourth child and only girl. My parents weren't trying for a girl, but my mother was pleased that she could indulge me with dolls and girly stuff. Unfortunately, (for her), I had absolutely no interest in dolls at all.

She ended up collecting dolls as a hobby....

BarnabasTheMaineCoon · 21/05/2019 20:11

Yeah, YABU.

cardibach · 21/05/2019 20:12

81Byerley I came in t9 say that! Wonder if it’s the same woman.

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 21/05/2019 20:13

Why can't your sons play with your dolls I don't get it?

Because they don't want to presumably. Just as there is no guarantee a girl would want to. But I think a lot of people would quite like at least one of each.

People suggesting fostering or adoption please ignore. You would be very unlikely to have child placed with you for adoption if you have a birth child. Foster care is very different from parenting.

clairedelalune · 21/05/2019 20:14

On the off chance you get the girl what if she hates dolls and dresses?
Have you got any friends or siblings with girls you can buy dresses for? Can the boys not have the dolls? Or hold on for 30 years and their children?

mustdrivesoon · 21/05/2019 20:14

By the time you get to a third child the chances are no longer 50/50.

You are statistically proven to more likely have another boy than a girl. It's 47% chance girl and 53% chance boy. The igender website explains it all.

tenbob · 21/05/2019 20:16

MIL had 3 boys before she got her daughter

DH and BILs know she was the much wanted girl, and they were the just the means to that end. It’s created a really horrible dynamic in the family.
MIL is generally lovely but it’s so obvious that she wanted to be a mum of daughters more than she ever wanted to be a mum of boys

She has carried the same nonsense on with the DGCs as well

SunshineCake · 21/05/2019 20:18

I don't understand this as I was very fortunate to have the genders I wanted each time. I have both. However I am the only child of a parent who wanted the opposite gender. I grew up without parents..

Maybe talk to someone professionally about this before you make any decisions. Kids are all different. My boy loved playing with a kitchen. My girl never played with a doll.

MaverickSnoopy · 21/05/2019 20:18

Do you actually want 3 children? Let me tell you, it's hard. So you need to be really sure you are ready to take on everything that it entails. Our life was relatively smooth until our 3rd came along and then all of a sudden they all got diagnosed with various disabilities/additional needs and multiple multiple medical appointments. Life is relentless. We wouldn't change our 3rd for the world, but you need to be really sure you're ready for that commitment.

BenWillbondsPants · 21/05/2019 20:18

My DD hates dolls (so do I).

Your reasons for wanting a girl are ridiculous, as you know. My DS is a million times easier than she's ever been (although she's awesome) and if I tried to dress her up like a doll she would give me sharp shrift pronto.

MerryMarigold · 21/05/2019 20:18

My friend had 3 boys and then a girl. Another had 4 boys then a girl. You just never know.

Lovemusic33 · 21/05/2019 20:20

I have a friend who has 4 boys and recently had a girl. All her Facebook posts creep me out, all she does is post photos of the little girl and the boys never get a mention, it’s all photos of her baby dressed if pretty clothes with bows in her hair.

ModreB · 21/05/2019 20:21

I had 2 boys, then a 7 year gap. Got pregnant again and was asked constantly do you want a girl? The answer, no, I want a healthy happy baby. Guess what, baby 3 was another lovely boy.

A girl would have been just as lovely, but not more so than my brilliant 3rd son. Each child is a different personality, each child is brilliant and amazing and I love them all.

You can also have different interests with each, DS1 was sporty, so we supported that.

DS2 was scientifically gifted, so we supported him with that (as far as we were able to understand).

DS3 was an actor and musician, so again we supported him with that.

Children are not, or should not be defined by gender, but ability and interest.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/05/2019 20:21

Statistically you are slightly more likely to get a boy. How would you feel if you did?

ANewDawn10 · 21/05/2019 20:22

I really hate that mentality of having a girl means playing with dolls, dressing matchy matchy with the mother, all princessy and other ignorant crap. You probably dream of dressing alike too. Give your head a wobble and appreciate your boys.

TheEagle · 21/05/2019 20:22

Have another baby if you want another baby.

There’s no guarantee that a girl would want to dress up with you Confused

I have 3 boys, 2 of whom are twins. No way would I risk another set of twins in the vague hope I might have a girl.

People are so odd about me having boys; I’ve been told it’s sad that I “only” have boys as they won’t be my friends in my old age Shock

CallMeRachel · 21/05/2019 20:23

How does your dh feel about having a third child?

Regardless of whether it's male or female, a third is a big jump.

An ex friend of mine nagged and nagged her dh for another after two boys as she was desperate for a girl...he eventually agreed reluctantly...they had another boy.

It was the final nail in the coffin of their marriage. He left her for another woman 10 years younger a year later.

Go ahead if you both want another child and if it won't negatively affect your two boys. Don't do it just to get a girl.

PaintingOwls · 21/05/2019 20:24

Would you have an abortion if it was a boy and try again for a girl or would you be happy with a third boy?