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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a third child just to have a girl?

179 replies

Calltheguards · 21/05/2019 19:42

I know I'm being completely ridiculous!

I dream of having a daughter. My mum and I used to collect dolls and say I would pass them down to my daughter (it was more my mum's thing than mine but I liked the idea of it). I get so jealous when I see little girl clothing. We have boys and they're lovely but I really, really want a girl.

AIBU to have us try in hopes that we get a girl?

OP posts:
Inniu · 21/05/2019 21:14

I had a 4th to try to have a red head. Didn’t work, he’s blonde.

LynetteScavo · 21/05/2019 21:18

I have a friend with four girls...her DH desperately wanted a boy.
There was a boy in DS1s class whose mum desperately wanted a girl. She had five boys before she had a girl then left the dad with the boys and took the baby, but she may have had good reason

I get why you want a girl. I had to throw away the girl half of the Biden catalogue because the girls clothes were just to lovely and I didn't have a girl. Then I had a surprise girl. I had a few years of buying her lovely clothes then she declared she hated dresses and pink and has shown no interest in dolls.

There are no certainties when it comes to D.C.

Allfednonedead · 21/05/2019 21:20

One of the most uncomfortable conversations I’ve ever had was with a mum who had a DS the same age as mine, and was expecting again about three months after my twin DDs were born.

I ran into her at the hospital where she’s been having a scan. I asked how it was all going, and she proceeded to tell me about how lucky I was to have girls, while she was having another bloody boy.

In front of her 2 year old DS.

I was so shocked, I couldn’t say more than some nonsense about how grateful I was to have my lovely babies healthy after their stay in NICU.

Fundays12 · 21/05/2019 21:27

I am pregnant with ds3 everyone assumes we were trying for a girl but actually the truth is we were not trying at all (although were delighted when it happened). Yes whilst it would have been nice to experience raising a girl I was delighted to have another boy as my boys bring me so much joy.

As you have 2 boys already you have a slightly higher than average chance of having another one. If you were to have another boy how would you feel? What about if you have a girl and she isn’t interested in dolls or frilly dresses? If you are 100 percent sure you are happy to have another boy and would not be disappointed with a third boy go for it. If not please don’t have anymore it’s unfair and cruel to the baby.

hopelessatthinkingupusernames · 21/05/2019 21:28

I feel you OP. I have two boys and they are amazing, I wouldn’t change them for the world. But I always thought I’d have a daughter and part of me does want to try again. If I don’t I’ll always wonder if my third would have been my girl.
Decision has been made for me at the moment tho as we can’t afford childcare for 3!

Cariadne · 21/05/2019 21:28

You might get another boy, or a girl who has no interest in dolls...!

Fraxion · 21/05/2019 21:29

Not all little girls are pink and fluffy and love dollies.

Very true, my daughter never showed interest in or played with dolls. We made the expensive mistake of buying her a silver cross doll's pram (god knows why) and the only thing that sat in it was the neighbour's dog.

flamingoflamangos · 21/05/2019 21:30

I think you’ve had a hard time on here, OP, but i can understand why you’ve received these responses because it is technically unreasonable.

That said, i get it. It took me 6 years and much heartbreak to conceive, which I did through IVF. Throughout my infertility ‘journey’ I was desperate for a girl. I just couldn’t imagine having a boy. I’m not remotely ‘girly’ but I do have the most incredible relationship with my mum and I know it was to replicate that.

Needless to say, I did consider doing my 5th round of IVF in Cyprus. I think you’re looking at about £3k for the IVF process itself inc stims and about £6k on top of that for embryo testing and selection. That’s if your embryos are successfully created (a big IVF myth is that it works)

DesperadoDan · 21/05/2019 21:32

Auramigraine and Ilikeviognier
What she said has stuck with me for the last 15 years. She wasn’t cradling him, he was literally slung over her arm. She as a rule seemed like a lovely woman, I see her around now and again. I think it was just her extreme disappointment at having yet another boy.

flamingoflamangos · 21/05/2019 21:32

Continued..
what I’m saying is that you can’t go on like this. Although not 100% (but near enough), this is the only way you can get “what you want”. Only you can answer whether you want it enough to do this.

It didn’t sit well with me in the end but I totally get why people would do it.

SpeedyBojangles · 21/05/2019 21:36

If you want another child because you want another child then go for it.

If you want another child because you want a girl then YABU.

I have two girls and a boy. I chose to have a third child because DH and I wanted another child. We had a preference for a boy, simply as we have two girls but would have been happy either way.

If you think you'd be unhappy if it was a boy then don't do it.

Thurmanmurman · 21/05/2019 21:39

I know somebody who kept on having babies as she wanted a girl. She now has 5 boys and no girls. Also who's to say if you had a girl she would be into dolls and girly stuff? I think you should focus on things that you can enjoy together with your sons. It's lovely that you had a close relationship with your mum but that was the relationship between you two, you can't necessarily recreate it.

Gizzymum · 21/05/2019 21:40

OP I'm in a similar position in wondering whether to try for a 3rd child as I'd love to raise a DD (I have two DS aged 9mths and 2yrs). My family have 1 girl to 5 boys and my DH side hasn't had a girl in generations.

It's not so much the wanting to pass on dolls etc, but more experiencing parenting a girl. I know all children are different and don't live up to gender stereotypes but I'd still like to experience it.

I'm not sure though how I'd feel about a 3rd DS so wouldn't even try until I knew how I'd feel if it was a boy. I took a couple of months to properly bond with DS2 (not due to gender, I don't know why - perhaps my fast labour) so am wary about how it would be if it was a DS.

YetAnotherUser · 21/05/2019 21:43

I have 2 sons with my ex. She was absolutely desperate for a girl when we split up, but I was happy with the 2 boys.

She's now pregnant with her 4th son, no daughters...

Ithinkmycatisevil · 21/05/2019 21:48

My friend wanted a girl after she had two boys. She had boy number three, then her husband got the snip, so no chance of trying again (I’m sure she would have otherwise). She’s still a bit bitter about not having a girl.

I’m have another baby if you want another baby, but if you think you’ll be very disappointed if it’s a boy, then stick to the children you have.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 21/05/2019 21:50

Don’t know where that I’m can from! I’m definitely not having another baby!!

whatawolly · 21/05/2019 21:51

You should have another child because you want a baby. Not because you want to try for a boy or girl.

Nc1768 · 21/05/2019 21:52

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Yoozanaim · 21/05/2019 21:55

I do understand the one of each thing - BUT, the planet is strained, I'd stick with two for environmental reasons plus count your blessings you have two healthy children.

HostaFireAndIce · 21/05/2019 21:58

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ilovesocks · 21/05/2019 21:59

I am the third child and only girl. I hated being one of three and felt excluded for most of my childhood. I also know that they only had me because they wanted a girl. I feel like I am a disappointment in some ways, it's a lot of pressure to fulfil the dream mould.

Nc1768 · 21/05/2019 22:01

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Drogonssmile · 21/05/2019 22:05

My DH was a disappointment as MIL wanted a girl. She has made no secret of it. He's 40 and he's spent his entire life trying to gain her approval. Just consider how you would be with a third boy OP.

ThorsMistress · 21/05/2019 22:11

You should have a third child because you want one. Not because you want a certain sex.

A friend of mine was desperate for a DD and 4 DS's later she had her longed for DD. Any thought of pretty dresses has been pushed out the window as she lives in her brothers cast offs and prefers football over dolls.

There's nothing to say if you did have a DD that she would even want to collect dolls with you and it's a piss poor reason and want to wear the frills and dresses.

altiara · 21/05/2019 22:27

I understand the feeling of wanting to have a DC of a particular sex and it can be irrational and desperate, but you need to strongly consider this baby will be a real human being and have their own mind plus the fact you will most likely have a boy.