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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a third child just to have a girl?

179 replies

Calltheguards · 21/05/2019 19:42

I know I'm being completely ridiculous!

I dream of having a daughter. My mum and I used to collect dolls and say I would pass them down to my daughter (it was more my mum's thing than mine but I liked the idea of it). I get so jealous when I see little girl clothing. We have boys and they're lovely but I really, really want a girl.

AIBU to have us try in hopes that we get a girl?

OP posts:
ColchesterElderly · 21/05/2019 20:24

Let your sons play with your dolls?
Or pay for IVF in the US where you can sex select your embryo.

Ilove31415926535 · 21/05/2019 20:24

My SIL said similar to me when I was still bleeding from a miscarriage that she'd have a 3rd child if she could be guaranteed a boy. I went on to have a boy (the only one of this generation of family) and she said I must be so pleased with a boy. No. I was pleased with a healthy, alive, child. I couldn't give a shit about anything else.
I won't say what I think as it would only be deleted anyway. I will, however, say that children are not dolls, or to be created for your amusement.

EffYouSeeKaye · 21/05/2019 20:25

Have as many children as you like. But consider if you can find a way to be happy with what you have, not what you want.

AnyFarrahFowler · 21/05/2019 20:25

Not much to add that others haven’t already said - I would imagine your potential third child is a boy and base your decision on that.
I do understand OP - I had DS then DD and I knew we couldn’t afford a third child. I have never admitted in real life how much I wanted a DD for fear that people would think I didn’t want DS (which is totally ridiculous, I love them equally). But I do understand wanting to have a daughter - it doesn’t make you a bad personal to want to have a girl. But trying for a girl specifically is not a good idea, for the many reasons outlined up thread.

goose1964 · 21/05/2019 20:26

I have 2 sons and a daughter, but I wanted 3 boys. One of my gran's had 3 girls and the other 3 boys. DD has 3 boys never wanted a daughter

My daughter was never girly although she did do ballet and jazz dance. She came to cricket and rugby with us and no complaints.

Lovelylugs · 21/05/2019 20:26

I know many many.families with 3 boys or 3 girls and one family who had 2 boys and then boy and girl twins.

FingersMcGinty · 21/05/2019 20:29

My Dad wanted boys and ended up with 11 daughters, my Mum didn't want any children Hmm

MissMudskipper · 21/05/2019 20:29

I can see where your coming from. I have 2 girls and would love to have a boy. However I'm getting on a bit now and starting to get my life back now the girls are older. I'm not sure I can go through that baby stage again whether it turned out to be a girl or boy!

Of course your not being unreasonable to want a girl! Your life your decision. Just dont hold it against the child or be disappointed if it was another boy. A healthy baby is more important than gender Smile

Cherrysherbet · 21/05/2019 20:29

I hear you op. I had two wonderful boys first. I really wanted a third baby, but I also wanted it to be a girl. Of course a third boy would have also been wonderful, and I would have loved him just the same, but I hoped for a girl.
Well, I got my girl. She is just as wonderful as my boys! I love them all so much, and enjoy seeing the things they do.

I’ve enjoyed them all in different ways. My Dd is very girly, loves pretty things, enjoys girly activities. It’s a whole new world to me.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a child of the opposite sex to the children you have. I really wanted to see what my daughter would look like, what she would be like, what it would be like to be mum to a little girl. I love all of those things! I have a fantastic relationship with my older sons, and I know it will be the same with my dd when she is older as we are so close.

If you want to try for a girl, then go for it! If it’s another lovely boy, then You’ll love him just them same. You will always wonder otherwise.

LaurieMarlow · 21/05/2019 20:30

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a girl. But as you know, no guarantees.

How would you feel if you had another boy? So long as you’re also happy with that outcome then fine.

lunar1 · 21/05/2019 20:32

It's a bit odd if you ask me! You have children who are individuals, them being a boy or girl is just one thing about them. I have two boys, they have a lovely sibling relationship and completely different interests.

If we had a third child we would have done so because we wanted three children, not so we could pigeonhole them into fulfilling a role we expect them to play. I love learning about the people I'm raising ad they grow up.

B3ck89 · 21/05/2019 20:32

I have 4 boys, proof that no many how many times you try it’s no guarantee.
My youngest, while I was pregnant I actually cried when I found out he was a boy - and now he’s here he’s now 17 months I feel so bad, he’s absolutely amazing and love him like my other 3 as soon as he was born.
I got sterilised and no more for me, more than happy with what I got

Justaboy · 21/05/2019 20:34

I've only had Girls via 2 differnt parthers. I seem to remember reading that men a bit low or high in tostesterone are biased on way or the other.

Still got a boy grandchild now, so he'll be indoctrinated where the best trainspotting is to be had up our way;)

MrsFoxPlus4 · 21/05/2019 20:34

I have a son & 3 daughters. If we were ever to try for another it would be because we wanted to grow our family not for a specific sex. If you wouldn’t feel happy with a 3rd son I wouldn’t bother

bibbitybobbityyhat · 21/05/2019 20:34

Of course yabu. I hope you don't go ahead and take such a flippant attitude before bringing another child into the world.

DistanceCall · 21/05/2019 20:35

My mum and I used to collect dolls and say I would pass them down to my daughter (it was more my mum's thing than mine but I liked the idea of it). I get so jealous when I see little girl clothing.

And then you go and have a little tomboy who absolutely despises playing with dolls and refuses to wear dresses and skirts, and only wants to wear her brothers' castoffs.

You seem to have a very stereotyped idea of what little girls must be like.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 21/05/2019 20:36

I've got a son and we are happy with just one child.I sometimes get a pang for a girl but only for silly reasons such as buying girls clothes etc.Im smart enough to know i shouldn't want to bring another human into the world (who could be a boy) for those reasons alone.

Hithere12 · 21/05/2019 20:36

I’ll get flamed for this but idc if you’re only doing it on the basis you’ll have a girl then you’d need to go to Cyprus or America for gender selection IVF. Don’t just have a kid and roll the dice on a 50/50 chance you’ll have a girl then resent having another boy.

To all the people flaming OP she is not hurting anyone. It’s her and her families business. There are much worse things people do on a day to day basic that actually harm other people.

OhMsBeliever · 21/05/2019 20:37

I had two boys, then twin boys, then another boy.

I wasn't "trying" for a girl, I just wanted a big family.

Unless you are prepared for another boy don't do it.

DistanceCall · 21/05/2019 20:37

To all the people flaming OP she is not hurting anyone.

No, just her potential son or daughter if they happen not to fit her preconceived ideas of the kind of child she would like to have.

M3lon · 21/05/2019 20:39

there's nothing wrong with wanting a girl, but there is something pretty wrong with wanting a girl so you can dress them in girly clothes

buy a doll ffs!

MondeoFan · 21/05/2019 20:39

I would prob go for it

jenthelibrarian · 21/05/2019 20:40

I had a daughter first and, as it looked as if my kids would be the only grandchildren on both sides, I collected every old wives tale I could find to influence the sex of my second child and had a boy.

It is interesting that me, my mother, and her mother each had one of each, although my father is one of seven sons.....

ShitAtScarbble · 21/05/2019 20:41

Why can't your sons play with your dolls I don't get it?

There's always one isn't there Grin

holdupthere · 21/05/2019 20:42

My friend has five girls. The last two are twins - she was trying for a boy Grin

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