To not want to pay for his kids

[ilovemycatmorethanyou]

I started a thread about separate finances but realised that’s not the issue so my apologies but I’m starting a new one.

DH has twins to his first wife. I have no
Children. We earn very similar money, our home is paid for and was mine before we met.

He pays his wife spousal maintenance plus child maintenance despite being on a modest wage (below 30k). The spousal bit boils my blood for many reasons but essentially she held him to ransom over the divorce and be agreed so she would sign the papers. She works 12 hours a week and the maintenance allows her to do this. The kids are both late teens (twins). The spousal maintenance payments will continue until way after the children are adults unless she remarries.

I don’t want to pay for his kids, I mean I contribute to their food bills when they’re with us but I don’t want to have to pay for anything else. AIBU? I feel our life is already compromised by this spousal maintenance and I don’t feel I want to give his ex anymore of my hard earned cash via her kids.

sorry mini but if I am being addressed i'm going to reply. Did you mean to be so rude?

I didn't realise there were rules about that.... why is it "funny"

Made me laugh.

Yes Parrot I’m sure I’m pathetic and a dick - any other comments?

no? not unless you want to throw any more abuse at me, take the piss out of the frequency of my posts, or call me bitter?

why cant you accept that I am allowed an opinion?

His take home pay is £2k and he’s in a double income household so he has more than enough money.

What some people don’t seem to be grasping is that OP’s income is irrelevant because she has no financial obligation to his children or his sponging wife!

So the double income stuff is a red herring.

Ask him to write to his ex wife asking her to reduce amount of spoucal maintenance he pays and then he can treat his kids directly. Does he go halves with his ex so his kids can go on school trips/holidays etc? He should because they are his children too. £60 per child per week would only cover food, clothing and allowances. His ex wife has provided years of child care. Your personal money will not be taken into account in any child support payments. My ex paid for our don until he was 21 as in education. I never claimed for myself though, only our child. He also paid to take him on holiday a few times and bought half his xmas gifts.

Hi all,

As you can see, we've deleted a few posts on this thread. Just thought we'd stop by with a gentle reminder of our Talk Guidelines.

Many thanks.

I rather like PlantPotParrot’s posts. She’s says it like it is and seems to have an answer for everything. She can be a spokesperson for stepparents any day

What some people don’t seem to be grasping is that OP’s income is irrelevant because she has no financial obligation to his children or his sponging wife

Well she isn’t contributing anything to the wife whatsoever! And how is she a sponge?! What a vile thing to say.

Plantpotparrot is very welcome to comment on this thread as much as she wants, her opinion on this is almost identical to mine and she says it rather well, whereas I’m on my phone, between clients at work and trying to keep up!

My points are repeated throughout and the main point continues to be that I object the the spousal maintenance as, IMHO, the ex could work full time herself and not need it, amongst other issues.

What I spend my own money on is irrelevant as they are not my children and as plantpot has said, step parents get it wrong if they get involved and get it wrong if they don’t. I prefer not to now, after years of getting it in the neck from the former Mrs ilovemycat and the children, However I continue to understand that DH has a responsibility to them.

The ex continues to value herself in our lives and tries to cause trouble at the slightest opportunity but we’re well used to it and she now gets told straight and subsequently ignored.

So thanks to all for this really extended thread. I posted on AIBU as I’m interested in all viewpoints whether I agree or not, something @miniloso could bear in mind.

Well she isn’t contributing anything to the wife whatsoever! And how is she a sponge?! What a vile thing to say.

Someone mentioned that her partner comes from a double income household. My point (as I said) was that in the context of this situation, OP’s income is irrelevant so the “double income” should have no bearing on the finances.

I don’t think saying that she’s sponging is vile. She’s presumably perfectly able to fund her own lifestyle yet only works part time hours and accepts “spousal maintenance”.

That’s sponging in my opinion.