To think a not-insignificant proportion of MNers genuinely have no clue...

[TheTitOfTheIceberg]

...what it's like to not have much money?

This is not a TAAT but it's been prompted by a recent comment on a thread which was just the latest in a long line that make it clear that what some people take for granted is far beyond the reach of others. Which in itself is fair enough and hardly profound - this is a website with members across the whole economic spectrum, after all. But I've observed many times that there are some posters who, when the OP says "I can't afford X" seem downright disbelieving. "But it's not that expensive / it's only the equivalent of [some other luxury item which the OP is also very unlikely to be able to afford]".

Or when an OP is posting in bits - and clearly is in quite straitened circumstances - about their DP being an arse, someone will invariably post "book a night in a hotel/weekend away with your friends at a bloody spa no doubt and leave him with kids" without any apparent recognition that for some of us, a night in a hotel or a weekend away is something that has to be carefully budgeted for if it's even financially feasible at all.

It's not the disparity in incomes between posters that bothers me; there are plenty of no doubt comfortably-off MNers who post sensitively and helpfully in all kinds of situations. But there is a tranche who just seem oblivious to their financial privilege or to the fact that some of us are living hand to mouth, month on month with nothing left over after rent/mortgage, essential bills and food have been paid for, and then seem incredulous when we don't pay for, as standard, the goods or services they take for granted.

AIBU to find this both irritating, and an illuminating (sometimes bonkersly endearing) window into a world I will never inhabit, on my below-national-average salary with my disabled-and-no-longer-able-to-work DH?

The places that charge a fortune for washing machines paid on tick should be driven off the high streets. I wish a business person like Richard Branson would set up a rival model which is fair. I also think every high street should have a credit union and machines in betting shops should be banned.

And don’t get me started on the “sacrifices” people make and the “scrimping and saving” they do to pay school fees!

Its interesting though I find that some people that have really struggled and suddenly come into money (like my sil) are the most judgemental of all. Definitely drawn up the drawbridge and white washed her previous life.

And don’t get me started on the “sacrifices” people make and the “scrimping and saving” they do to pay school fees!

why? you know them and how they are getting there, do you?

Typical example of judgemental post, well done to illustrate the point.

There was an article in the DM about some frugal aristocratic lady who was ridiculously tight. It was a sport to her. I definitely could learn a thing or two from her but what fun it must be to play that game when you have thousands in the bank. No fun when it's the only option.

I think it was the BBC who did a patronising menu plan to eat on a budget, I think it was a pound a day challenge or similar. The problem being it required you to be able to purchase things like half a courgette from a Tesco value pack, and a single lettuce leaf from sainsburys. Useless to someone who actually only has a pound a day to spend on food no matter how hard they tried.

IfCakeHappens a bit mocking maybe. Be it right or wrong, a lot of the UK population might have a snigger at someone "scrimping" to send their kids to independent schools. Most people couldn't even begin to raise the money for exorbitant school fees. If they can, they are doing better than most.

You forgot the just get a (better paid) job. Like they're hanging on trees.

You’re right. Not just on Mumsnet, but in real life. My workplace is full of them. No empathy or ability to see out of their own set of circumstances. No understanding of what it must be like to live in grinding poverty.

I do love competitive aly tight Xmas thread(I'm not talking about people who genuinely struggle to afford Xmas presents for their kids) but people who smugly spend £3.99 on their kids at Xmas whilst looking down their nose,s at the rest of us and conveinantly forget to mention their kids have everything their hearts desire throughout the year.

If someone says they are fed up partner selfish what should they do. Unless they also say they are brassic posters are not mind readers. For someone else to suggest a solution that costs money is not unfair.

You mean you aren't all sending your kids off to private school on the back of all those shop bought coffees and city breaks that you've sacrificed?

“Typical example of judgemental post, well done to illustrate the point”
If you can afford school fees by “scrimping and saving” you are not making sacrifices, you are making a life style choice.

I think I’ve been guilty of this in the past. Before my divorce we were comfortable, cleaner, gardener couple of holidays a year.
Now I’m on my beam ends and I shudder at the money I used to waste on shit. Bags, shoes just stuff.
Massively steep learning curve.

goodwinter beat me to it. I always laugh at those ‘for the price of your daily cup of coffee’ adverts/tweets/posts, because I don’t think I actually know anyone who can afford to buy a £3-4 coffee in Starbucks or wherever every single day!

I read a similar article a few years ago, Illiantium about a man surviving on £5 / week food shopping ,he did quite well on his £5, as well his fully stocked store cupboard, vegetable garden, and chickens for his fresh eggs every day ,

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis
I’m not sure why this is a surprise to anyone?
Do you have any idea what it’s like to live with a large income? Or many children? Or disabled? Or with an abusive husband? Or within a different religion?

Why does it surprise you that your experience isn’t universal?

Exactly!

But the reality is people are in different situations and that means they are less likely to understand the intricacies of others' situations.

MN often plays misery Top Trumps. (Makes a good partner with Virtue Signalling Olympics!)

If you can afford school fees by “scrimping and saving” you are not making sacrifices, you are making a life style choice.

again, that's very judgemental and very wrong.
You picture a middle-class couple who might buy a smaller 4x4, and you ignore the ones who work 3 jobs and have absolutely nothing because they believe education is the most important thing for their kids. The ones I have met were mainly not british born to be fair, but still, they live in the UK.

not all private schools demand Eton fees either.

If you can afford school fees by “scrimping and saving” you are not making sacrifices, you are making a life style choice.

This... there's a massive difference between scrimping and scraping go eat, pay the bills etc and doing it to pay school fees that can run into tens of thousands a year.

“you ignore the ones who work 3 jobs and have absolutely nothing because they believe education is the most important thing for their kids”

Not ignoring them It’s still a life style choice.

ifCakesHappens Err yes, but that’s still a lifestyle choice. Those people could have far more money by not sending their kids to private school.

Sometimes on here there's an odd badge of honour in sounding as frugal as possible and another badge is available for the 'scrimping for school fees' nonsense.

Equally, I've known people (offline) go on about how skint they are and can't afford X Y Z and been bloody difficult and refused well meaning advice from friends. Only to find that they were buying ready meals for a family of 4 which is an extortionate way to cater, especially when heating up 4 meals will take as long as cooking a cheaper and healthier meal. Those sorts of situations mean I can understand people online checking what people mean by skint before offering advice.

Some people genuinely have nothing, others act like they are powerless to change a situation where they have options, others want to give the impression of the affluent middle class lifestyle, most are just getting on with life living within their means (which will differ person to person).

They arnt ifcakes, however even my local private school is way more than we could ever afford however much we scrimpted and saved.

Yanbu. It's like people assume that others have the same circumstances as them. You could play Bingo

I'm a single parent, have the kids 24/7 and the Dad is AWOL

• Can you ask your parents for babysitting ?

I can't get a space at the after school club.

• ask your boss for flexible working

My kids are fussy eaters

• They'll eat when they are hungry and won't starve.

I can't afford a holiday

• Just do a UK holiday.

Im new to the area and have a hospital appointment and a toddler.

-Ask a friend or neighbour to help

I rent my home

• Ask your family for a mortgage deposit

Etc

The money ones in particular baffle me. Some people claim to spend like £50 on food for a family of 6 (all meals) and claim to eat organic/free-range , 7 fruit and veg a day etc Aldi is good value for money but not that good!

It’s like all the people who say we millennials could have our own houses if only we stopped having brunch etc. I once saw someone say that if we all stopped going out drinking then we could have our own house within a year. Even if I survived on oxygen and lived rent-free under a bridge I wouldn’t have saved a house deposit in a year...