Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

One of them sent the photographer home?

@CentralPerkMug
Tbh you do sound like a bit of a mug putting up with that behaviour from your inlaws on your wedding day and then staying in contact with them! that sounds really bad but I’m glad you didn’t let it ruin your day

Hopefully you snd DH can invite the people who were at the wedding whom you care about and have a lovely summer's day barbecue specifically to share good memories of your wedding? Let the wine flow and at some point in the evening, you will be ready to explore the dreadful juvenile and vindictive behaviour of that certain group of people. Do this together as a group of trusted friends, say what you think and feel about them if they are brought up, laugh at them and continue to laugh and have fun with lovely people. (hopefully this is done together, as a team, supporting each other)

At some point, towards the end of the night, the scumbags will be forgotten about as the good memories of your beautiful day remain and you will wake up with a fresh perspective on just how good your wedding was for others, who were there for you and were untainted by those people

Thanks for the comments! It’s certainly taken the edge of my psycho thoughts

I do get to the point where I think I’m over it but then it rears it’s head again. I think it’s because I’ve had no closure over what happened and a complete refusal to apologise or explanation.

I’m just going to stay NC and stay away. Dh said he won’t be going but I know his parents will put a lot of pressure on him to go. Although we have a feeling it won’t happen and he is just playing lip service but who knows... she has a bit more money than him...

Send a gushing card saying that they are absolutely perfect for each other because they're two of a kind, so similar, both exactly the same type of person..... and then wish them everything that they deserve.

It will be delicious

Phone up the florists and cancel their flowers.

Sounds like marrying each other will be the best punishment for them.

I’d be tempted to go and live somewhere hot and sunny and watch from a distance as their life pans out. A few photos of your tan on social media in January would help.
Just as long as what you do enhances your life long term.

Sorry about your wedding though, that was so low.

You need to catch Norovirus 2 days before the wedding and then, on the day, go round kissing everyone. You know, big sloppy kisses. Then sit back and know that the honeymoon is ruined.

Enjoy your happy married life.

Find out when the wedding is and book an awesome holiday.

Forget them.

No. I would rise as above it and stop behaving like a child.

What I don't get is why you would even expect an invite as you have no contact with them. I wouldn't invite someone I don't see or talk to. Your question may be irrelevant.

You need to get over your wedding being spoilt. What about when you and DH expressed your vows to each other, was that spoilt too or did you enjoy that? That is the most important part of a wedding.

Why the heck did you invite the 3 people who shouted derogatory things during the speeches, threw a punch, and clapped and cheered when you left? Is there a lot more of a back story to this?

In terms of the photographer, he shouldn't have gone home on anyone's say-so other than who placed the order and paid him. You can't lay that at anyone's door but his.

At least your wedding sounded quite eventful so you'll have a story to tell the grandchildren (assuming you have them).

I can’t believe your photographer went home because someone who wasn’t the b or g told him/her to what an unprofessional twat.

They sound awful OP, and I don’t blame you for entertaining fantasies of revenge. But you will be happier by far if you don’t act on them and continue to ignore them. Don’t attend the wedding or send a gift or anything. You don’t need to do anything to add them back into your life.

I like @Summerorjustmaybe 's suggestion X

"Don't fight with pigs -they enjoy being in filth"
Charming analogy aside. I think it might be sound advice.

But surely the photographer is to blame for no photos. The contract is with you and the photographer should not be taking orders from anyone else. I hope you got compensation from your photographer.

The person starting the fight was out of order but not that uncommon at a wedding. Why have you taken against the person crying? They may have a genuine reason for being upset and didn't tell you because it would take away from your wedding. As for remarks during the speech, it could be argued it was heckling but totally accept if they were being rude about you that is not on.

If I were you I just wouldn't have anything to do with these people if they upset you so much. It seems like your DH is on your side.

The person starting the fight was out of order but not that uncommon at a wedding.

ahem, sorry, but not once have I seen or heard anyone mentioning a fight at a wedding! Real life is not Eastenders!

I don't mean it's a regular thing ifCakesHappens, but when too much alcohol is consumed there is the potential for goady people to get out of hand. Out of the 30 odd weddings I have attended one couple related to the bride had a domestic resulting in violence and at another there was a bit of fisty cuffs between 2 drunk guests. Neither completely ruined the day for the bride and groom.

ahem, sorry, but not once have I seen or heard anyone mentioning a fight at a wedding! Real life is not Eastenders!

Happens more than you think. There was a fight between two of brides family that i went to a few years ago. Happened in the car park thankfully so bride and groom had no idea until afterwards. Alcohol and underlying feelings dont mix well.. the emotion of a wedding tends to bring it out

OP, it sounds like you're actually upset because these people don't seem to like you. That's what is niggling at you; you're a nice, decent person, so why don't they like you?!

The answer is: because they're twats. Case closed. Forget them, ignore their chavvy, 'Stenders wedding and get on with your lovely life.

Why bring yourself down to her level? Stay NC and maintain your dignity.
You are happily married i assume so keep it that way, because i guarantee that from what you've said about them, your marriage will be the happier of the two.

On a side note, a bucket a pigs blood balanced above her front door ALA Carrie style as she comes out in her finery would be quite fitting.

The correct way is to let karma deal with them and that the best revenge would be a happy life.
But who could really trust Karma.
I wouldn't openly destroy the wedding though, you may be left wondering about future reprisals as well a pretty bad fall in your reputation. Instead maybe a sly approach is needed.
I may send out invitations to all the people he has cheated on, also a few to their husbands too for example.
But be able to deny everything and I wouldn't go as I would probably laugh sop much ppl would know I was guilty.
Saying that I would probably do nothing and just curse them under my breath

Send them an anonymous box of dicks. Not expensive, not harmful, but very funny.

Don't wreck the wedding. But the first time you see her after the wedding you could casually mention that you're glad they patched things up and still got married after he cheated on her.

Obviously I wouldn't really do this but it would be oh so tempting...

I'm also going with take the high road of course, but some daydream suggestions for you here....

Get the most hideous flamboyant dress you can find. Like the colour of highlighter pens. With ruffles. And a hat, a big dayglo hat. Wear it, insist in being on many photos as you can get in on.

Make your own confetti with rice (it'll get everywhere) and glitter, which will be a bugger to get out (that might actually be a good non vindictive one to do IRL, glitterbomb them!)

Everyone you talk to, mention how you never thought this day would happen and that he must have a really forgiving bride considering all the times he's been shagging other people, and you're sure he will have got the all clear from the clinic. Maybe say you've heard a rumour the OW is up the duff.

Cut yourself a big slice of cake before they've had a chance to do it, tell people that the cake is now free to help themselves to.

Laugh like a hyena during the speeches. Even at stuff that isn't funny. Yell "no more shagging other women BIL" as he's about to speak.

I don't really understand about the photographer either, why would they take instruction from a guest and not tell you or your husband they were leaving?

Were the derogatory comments during the speeches maybe supposed to be funny? What did they actually say?

And the person crying were they maybe emotional about the wedding?