Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

Their wedding is already wrecked. He's a piece of shit and she's a dickhead. There'll be no happiness or lasting joy in their union, surely that's enough

This is what DH has said. He cheats on everyone. I’ve had to sit at meals with him and new girlfriends knowing he is other women he meets on line - because Dh was dropping him off till I seen my arse over it.

I can’t say what it is as it’s really outing, but it was really belittling and patronising.

What an odd idea, I don’t really see what satisfaction you’d get other than making yourself look quite mad.

You could always tell fiancée that BIL has cheated tho, that would pretty much put the kybosh on it.

Can you screenshot any evidence you have and send it to her?

This is what DH has said. He cheats on everyone. I’ve had to sit at meals with him and new girlfriends knowing he is other women he meets on line - because Dh was dropping him off till I seen my arse over it.

You're not concerned about that, you're driven by revenge, don't do it. Honestly just ignore and let life take its course.

I'm bemused about what they could possibly have done to ruin your day on the actual day.

^^I’d send a “congratulations on finally deciding to become monogamous!” card.

You cried for weeks and were low for months?

Yes I was devastated. It wasn’t minor moon. I have no wedding pictures due to their behaviour. I literally had to ask people if they had any pictures on their phones to send me. It took us three years to save for the wedding for it to be ruined by a small group of idiots.

Don't bother bringing these people back into your lives. Why on earth would you wish to pretend to build bridges (if they even believed you were genuine) and possibly have to spend time in their company? Don't send a card. You are NC for a reason, just keep it that way. As time goes on you will feel less rage and no doubt their marriage will turn to shit anyway.

I was sooo tempted to do something similar when an ex of mine got married. I hadn’t seen this guy in years and a couple of days before my wedding (our dm’s are friends which is how he knew) he posted my dh some naked pictures of me saying he’d kept them as wank fodder but thought dh should have them now.

I had emails from this man begging me to get back with him right up until a few months before the wedding and another email with him telling me how he’d shagged a mutual friend of ours at his stag do. I was so, so tempted to forward them on to his wife to be but he’d probably just have convinced her I was a psycho or something so I didn’t. They’re on child number 5 now and look miserable as sin so I’m sure they got their comeuppance.

I’m sure lots of people will tell you to be the bigger person but I think revenge isn’t done enough.

You could always tell fiancée that BIL has cheated tho, that would pretty much put the kybosh on it

She wouldn’t believe it.

Don’t be ridiculous. It won’t give you any satisfaction and would make you look mental.

Stop letting it eat you up, move on and be happy.

I like the idea of Maybe not cancelling the full day but get in with them until they bore you with food choices then phone up and change the choices. Of course, i would never do this but its a good day dream! In realoty, id keep my mouth shut, continue no contact and still be reeling about my day ( this all depends on what they did on your day).
My day was ruined by the venue. I dreamt of what i would say to the woman who organised it, how shit she was etc. Instead, i left her new events company a 2star FB review, voiced my opinion when she asked about the review and left it when she got bitch. The high road is the right place to be but not as satisfying.

So tempting to destroy it for them... Don't though. Hard to be the bigger person but as pp's have said, he is a philandering shit and she is a bitch, their wedding might go off without a hitch but I doubt they will have the good supportive marriage you have... So you win. 😁

What did they actually do? Think we need to know in detail to be able to advise come up with appropriate revenge

@BrainScience you should've gone to the police and blocked him. Why have you a grievance with his wife?

Sorry meant to send you a happy face, but the angry one works too.

Much better to be the bigger person rather than lowering yourself to their level.

Anyway, you don't actually say how they ruined your wedding. Is it possible that in an overwrought state you may have blown things up a bit?

But crying for weeks - really? I mean they might have put a blight on the wedding day but you still have your marriage and that is the important thing.

Brain

I agree about revenge. I feel like I’ve been in dignified silence about a lot of stuff for the past fifteen years.

However how it plays out in my mind is most likely not how it will play out in RL. I think DH would disown me!

I doubt they will make it to the aisle. The best thing you can do is be above all that childishness. I would send a very cheap generic card though with scribbled congratulations in it - it says you are beyond their pettiness but don't value them!

Tbh, would your BIL even care? He d actually probably be delighted if you stooped to his level, his type thrive on drama and attention, and it will all be twisted to make you look pathetic for doing it.
Sounds like theres a fair chance of it not going ahead or being wrecked by the discovery/appearence of an OW anyway!
Id be inclinced to get glammed up and sit with DH with a beaming smile (theres bound to be some drama you can smirk at!). I wont be getting an expensive pressie though, and wouldnt even give them one til after the wedding day so they cant spend the day bitching about it!

I’d definitely ruin it and leave with a smug look on my face, why not? As a PP said, those in glass houses...!!

I thought you name changed because it was too outing. And now you're not giving us the outing information . You may be just a bridezilla drama queen or you may be legitimately hurt.

No doubt with behaviour and decorum like that they will no doubt do something to wreck their own wedding - or piss someone off less sensible who will as well.

I'd definitely find out when it is and book you and DH something lovely to do instead of attending.

Sounds like it wouldn't be too difficult to gather evidence of infidelity, maybe present it in a beautiful photo album for a wedding present or something...

I'd have to invite the other woman...
Stand back and watch that go off.

Wrecking your wedding out of spite to the point that you cried for weeks is worth the fireworks.

Then you and DH should go and have a renewal just for you. Wear your dress again. That way it will have happy memories attached instead.

Or bring the OW as your plus-one..