Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

Oh shit, I'm not one for holding grudges but I really wouldn't blame you if you did something to ruin their wedding. Absolute bastards.

Their wedding is already wrecked. He's a piece of shit and she's a dickhead. There'll be no happiness or lasting joy in their union, surely that's enough?
Exactly this!!!
Be the bigger person, and just sit back and watch them ruin maybe not their wedding, but their marriage all by themselves!

This thread really does separate the mature people who probably have nice pleasant lives, from the idiotic drama queens who are likely always fuming about something petty on Moronbook or shouting at someone in a shop about something that ‘they’re not happy with’. And will likely die of a stress induced heart attack decades early. Grow up ffs.

Just rise above these people and don’t give them any headspace. Anything you do will likely backfire. Ok to fantasise about it for a bit of fun but don’t lower yourself to their level.

I wouldn’t, it won’t change your wedding day and it will only give you satisfaction for a bit before they turn around and start making life difficult for you.

By the sounds of things, your BIL’s wedding is going to end in tears anyway. I’d leave them get on with it.

Fantasise away.
But in reality, be better than that.

My ex sil's and pil ruined my first wedding. I also had no wedding pictures. I should have taken it as a sign. Their shadow coloured the entire marriage and contributed to the divorce.

Id have given my right arm to fck with those evil bitches in some way but due to abusive twat exh I never dared. I maintained distance and low contact, but bugger me Id have LOVED to fck with them

His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude

So, how would you spilling the beans about her DH to be good revenge? Let her marry him I say. They deserve each other.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

I'd send a card congratulating them and saying that they made such a strong impression at your wedding you hope you can do something of similar impact.

Then do nothing. BIL will spend the day fearing the worst.

Or else turn the other cheek and never ever have anything to do with them again.

I think either remain NC and don't go - or turn up with a nice card & possibly a present and be pleasant. Being happy is as others have alluded to is the best come back of all.

Don't give them the satisfaction. What you would achieve by doing anything is exactly what they would expect you to do in retaliation. Leave them to.it and focus on your marriage and your life.

If the fiance was part of then I think you go for it.
Maybe print out something with the details of him cheating to leave on the seats of the ceremony venue. They will need to look like an order of service or something like that.
Throw mud all over bill just before the ceremony. The list is endless.

I'd rise above.
I've always been a believer in the saying when seeking revenge, first dig two graves. So you could do yourself more harm than good.
My brother-in-law was the best man at our wedding. Our oldest DS was 18 months old at the time. In his speech he called DS a bastard 12 times. My parents and their friends were incensed, as was my DH. Their relationship has never been the same. I didn't need to anything, he buried himself.
BUT. On the revenge fantasy ideas...
You could send a card saying Congratulations, I hope ( list all the women he's cheated on her with) aren't too upset that BIL is officially off the market.
Or "Congratulations, he should be good in the sack by now because I know he's been practicing lots when you've been out of town".
Or " Congratulations, as a gift we've booked you both an appointment at the local STD clinic"

I love a PP's idea of saying in a card "I remember how much you enjoyed our wedding, and we are looking forward to returning the favour".

You could cancel their photographer.
You could cancel the caterer.
You could "fall into the cake".

The possibilities are endless, but realistically just get over it. NC is the best result you could've gotten.

Funny post! But I wouldn't bother. It is like an endless war with too much negative energy taken on yourself in the long term.

You have got your life ahead of you, to see them as entertainment clowns at family gatherings

As soon as you know the date book a second honeymoon somewhere lovely the same date, renew your vows as well and have some lovely photographs taken. No revenge needed, you will have distanced yourselves from this shower of shits.

I was about to post something like this and saw a couple of other posters had beaten me to it. This by far your best revenge. And it will fix your wedding memories.

Your DH needs to distance himself from them all too.

Ignore them, no acknowledgement of engagement etc. If BIL or his girlfriend do mention it, just comment on how you didn't want to get excited about the event knowing BILs record. Then ignore events, totally!

When you know the date of their wedding book a trip to Hawaii, Renew your vows on the beach with a photographer, put photos on Facebook with caption “best day of my life”.

As for their wedding ....I’d make up a LOT of cute confetti favours for guests to pick up & throw at b&g after service. I’d get someone to leave them in a cute wedding decorated basket with a shabbychic sign saying “help yourself” on my behalf. They’d be filled with a little rice, majority of bright colourful glitter (red, green, blue, gold, pink, purple, neon) each confetti cone or favor disguised with a few dried petals on top.... that glitter shit gets everywhere!! & with everyone throwing it in their faces... photos will be hilarious!!
.... and no one will know it’s your gift as you wasn’t even there!!

This is one of these occasions when you have to turn the other cheek and rise above it. Don't go. Don't contact. Refuse the invite and arrange a nice holiday for you and DH that weekend - maybe Paris or Barcelona - somewhere far enough away and interesting enough to take you out of it. Spend the money you'd have spent on a gift on yourselves and have a meal out on it. This kind of vengeance is actually best let go because it will eat away at you forever.

Although I'm completely baffled as to why your photographer went home!! I am a wedding photographer and I would NEVER go home without making sure I had the photos I needed (even if it was the bride!)

This is what I was wondering??

Why would any photographer even leave without taking any pictures and not confirm directly themselves with the bride or groom that they were to leave? Why take the word of another guest that they should leave?? Photographer has to take some responsibility here for that.

What they did sounds bloody spiteful and nasty OP and as much as I’d want revenge too, sometimes it’s better to stand back and let them car crash on their own. Because I guarantee you’ll be seen as the bad guy by everyone, regardless of what they did.

When you know the date of their wedding book a trip to Hawaii, Renew your vows on the beach with a photographer, put photos on Facebook with caption “best day of my life”.

That's about the only thing I would actually do in RL.

Hawaii, Paris, Barcelona for sure and get some lovely photos!..

Ask yourself are you the kind of person who would even think of deliberately wrecking someone else's wedding if this hadn't happened to you? No? if so then why let these awful relatives dictate your behaviour and make you behave as they did. You don't want to be like them?

Is the OP ever going to come back and answer the questions??

OP thinking and doing are different- being mature and sensible is recognising that and not following through. If you do this you are worse than them. See a counsellor and work out how to harness all this effort and energy into doing something positive for you. Think of what would happen next after you did this- you would get a minute of revengeful happiness followed by unending and deserved grief - you will feel more angry than you do now. It will never resolve, they hurt you, hurting back will not fix it. The better solution lies within you

I can guarantee now that if you sabotage their wedding, it won't make you feel any better. Their actions show them not to be decent people - you are - hence you won't take any pleasure from sinking to their level. You can only ever win these games by withdrawing gracefully and refusing to play. I've discovered this with my own in-laws. And you know what? If you do so, and you don't react to their childishness and spite, live a good life for yourself, and don't even register them in your orbit, it will piss them off FAR more.

Think of it this way: how annoying it must be for people who've invested time and negative energy on disliking you, have clearly spent time inventing every possible way they can to insult you (my in-laws' modus operandi has usually been to try to ruin Christmas) and who try to show by every passive-aggressive means possible that you're persona non grata - only to receive nada in response? Imagine expending all that negative energy on someone who's been pretty much oblivious to your hostility, has been getting on with the many positives in her own life, and has barely condescended to notice you exist?

That's got to get up their hooters - much more than they do yours.

This is your best revenge.

I quite understand you wanting revenge but this seems to be eating into the good things in your own life. Too many years have passed - this attempt to sour a special day should all be in the past.

More important things happened at that original wedding day and they should be allowed to take over.

So, instead of revenge - why not tackle the problem that you are left wtih - the spoiling of your wedding memories and the lack of photos. This needs 'writing over' in your mind. How can that be done?

I agree that a renewal of vows - somewhere lovely or even at the original venue might help. How wonderful that now that you know what a success your marriage has been.

Don't you just hate it when OP does a runner, it's like watching a film with a really crap ending