Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

I have no wedding pictures due to their behaviour. I literally had to ask people if they had any pictures on their phones to send me. It took us three years to save for the wedding for it to be ruined by a small group of idiots.

I'm wondering if the photographer was cancelled. Or they went ahead and did something to spoil every photo, EG stupid photobombing

I find it's quite therapeutic to make detailed revenge plans- what you will need, the timings, the full works. Write them down. Read them through to make sure you've thought it through properly.

Then burn them. Let go of their ability to cause you pain and go forward without the weight of bitterness dragging you down. Every bit of resentment you feel towards them is a gift to them- your BIL sounds like he would be delighted to hear about how you still feel. If you take that away from him then he just becomes a random man who has no connection to you and no power over you.

Cross-post.

OP, that sounds bad.

I also reckon the tears and sunglasses was MIL.

Why the bloody hell did the photographer go home, bloody idiot. We've recently had DS sons wedding, I'm sure the photographer would not have taken instructions from anyone other than bride and groom?

The rest is vile as well.

Rise above it OP, but that doesn't mean you can't indulge in a little harmless planning and ideas brainstorming ;)

OK well clearly for whatever reason, they REALLY don't like you. There is no chance you are getting invited to their wedding. You need to move on from this and focus on your marriage, that is what a wedding is all about after all. I am disgusted however that your DH is in contact with them at all, the derogatory comments during the speeches should have been enough for him to go no contact. That would be my main concern here to be honest.

I think the best revenge on someone is your own success and happiness. If their life is going to be shit, which it will be if he's a serial cheat, make sure yours is successful, your marriage happy etc, even if you have to engineer it a bit on Facebook.

Don't air dirty laundry on FB, just post happy, beautiful things. Don't block them either, as they will be itching to look at your page.

Remain dignified and silent, successful and aloof - it will drive them crazy!

Honestly keep away from them, with that behaviour no sane person is any match for them.

You're no contact with them, keep it that way. This happened years ago, it is time to let go, this level of obsession is not healthy. Yes, they hurt you and ruined your day that is now why they're out of your life and why you have nothing to do with them. That is the healthy reaction and that is how it should remain so that you can continue to live without their added stress.

If you were to do anything, you would show yourself up and look like an idiot. They would then get to control the narrative and make it out as though you are psychotic and this is why they do not like you and do not speak to you. Do you really want to look like a drama queen in front of all the attendees?

Whether he cheats on his wife to be or not is not your business, you don't like her so you evidently have no loyalty to her. Let her worry about her house, you worry about yours.

It's time to let go of this for once and for all and move on. Yes you saved and yes you feel your day was ruined, but you have what's most important about that day - the marriage. It's still going strong, focus on that and continue enjoying each other, this is what matters.

I do feel for you though, that must have been awful for you. Could you and your husband take the day of the wedding off work and do something lovely?

One of them shouted derogatory things about me when the speeches were happening

Bottom line, if your DH is still on speaking terms with the person who did this to his wife at his wedding then he is no husband worth having.

That's ultimately your problem, that is why you have and still are finding this so hard. These pieces of dogshit don't matter in your world, he does.

Well if Mil went up to the photographer it may have happened.
Though I find that amazing.

Anyway. They sound common as muck. I wouldn’t bother with them at all.

Also she knows he cheats.

So you think they're shits for what they did but you're prepared to do the same or worse to them purely for revenge?
Be the better person, otherwise you can't complain about them.

Also she knows he cheats.

How can you say that with such certainty? Someone cheated on me once and I honestly had no idea whatsoever!

Ok that's pretty bad. They don't sound pleasant and I'd keep away. But how did they have any authority over the photographer? And couldn't you ask someone to step in at the least rather than have no photos?

Renew your vows on their wedding date...
Hire a photographer and enjoy yourselves.

Get it all out of your system on here then wait for the car crash of a marriage finally implode when she realises he's a serial cheat.

I’m afraid to say I hold a grudge on certain things, like both my children's christening’s ruined because Mil wanted to treat it like a wedding and invite everyone she knows and threw a tantrum when she was told no, I’ll never forget that.

What about wearing something hideous if you get invited, or knock the cake off the table, or give them a book on how to stay faithful in your marriage as a wedding present.

Of course you were upset for weeks, it was your wedding, no one expects that kind of disgusting behaviour.

I do think you should stay out of it. (but I love the idea of bringing OW as a + 1 )
Anything obvious will make it look like YOU are the bad guy and you won't recover from that.

One day, maybe at the wedding, maybe later, karma will bring you the opportunity for revenge straight in your hand. That's when you can decide if you want to have fun. Shit happens to people, it will happen to them.

Don't make yourself look like you are the one in the wrong.

Don't ruin the wedding - it will all just come back on you and you don't want to stoop to their level.

Do you know who OW is? If so a nice engagement card signed from OW with a lovely message of how its a shame he has now decided to give monogamy a go and to give a call when he's ready to start the affair again.

You could send her a Sympathy Card?

Honestly, just leave it. Sounds like they deserve each other.

You don’t need people like this in your life. I’m saying this because people who go about causing such deliberate pain in other people’s life are not worth the hassle and pain. So don’t stoop to their level. Don’t build a bridge for them to shite on later. Forgive them but restitution doesn’t sound like it’s forthcoming from their end.