Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

I'm literally wracking my brain trying to work out what kind of "belittling and patronising" behaviour could lead to your not having any wedding photos!

I'm sorry you're upset. Definitely, I wouldn't try to build bridges; what if they accept the gift, but still don't invite you? You'd look like a right doormat. Or what if they invite you, but treat you like shite on the day? Then you'd have been done over twice.

Much cooler to ignore their big day completely (people hate thinking nobody cares about them, good or bad) and then find a clever, nasty way to get revenge later on, if you're still bothered by then...

No, just don’t go.

Wow what did they do at your wedding 😳

Or bring the OW as your plus-one..

I was about to comment that you should take the high road until I saw this.

Yeh we need more info OP. Did you hire a professional photographer. Struggling to understand how you have no photos

I wouldn't do it, no good will come of it, and you're likely to be considered the crazy psycho one for doing it. IMO the best thing you could do is completely ignore them and be completely dismissive whenever their wedding is brought up. You could always say something like with his record of fidelity it's a waste of money as they're not going to last 5 minutes. Remember the saying that the best revenge is a life lived well.

Absolutely do it! You could cancel something or change it. Or get proof of his infidelity. Stand up and object at the right moment. It would serve both of them right

They ruined your wedding by doing something patronising that left you devastated for months and no wedding photos? We need a bit more to go on!
I wouldn’t ruin her wedding no. You seem way too overly obsessed over it and need to move on

Could you invite OW to engagement party?

What did they do?

Obviously the correct answer is 'no, just keep the fuck out' but I want to know what went down.

How did they wreck your wedding? We need details before advising on reprisals.

What did they do to ruin your day?

Impossible to say whether you’re a bridezilla drama queen focussed on revenge or they're unpleasant and vindictive wedding saboteurs, as you’ve given no information

Op i understand. I had my wedding ruined by a bridesmaid. Im sure all the other guests didnt nitice but the day was ruined for me. Its taken years to even be on speaking terms with the other bridesmaid. I was so low for montha afterwards and even though i have pictures i dont have them on display. It was just a day after all.

Through facebook stalking i can see the bitch bridesmaid had a lovely wedding a couple of years later and now has a baby. For a long time i dreamt of revenge but now couldnt care less. My advice is to dream of revenge but not actively do anything. It will make you look foolish/bad.

to be honest everyone thinks thier wedding day is the most important thing and something like the wrong shade of napkins and can send a bridzilla into a rage so without knowing what the did we cant really tell if you are justified or not!
You seem to be focusing on your wedding when really you should be focusing on your marriage, thats the whole point of it all.

Yes, indulge in world domination fantasies like a Bond Villain by all means.

Then pour yourself a large gin and watch their car crash marriage.

Revenge is a dish best served cold, but the best dish is one you didn't have to make yourself.

Be a grown up, smile and let them get on with it.

Your DH would disown you?!

My one question was going to be - why the fuck is your DH still in touch with someone who ruined his wedding, brother or not?

That's your problem really. No wonder you say you're sick of this family - you're still stuck in with it, thanks to your DH. I take it he's perfectly normal contact with PIL, as you don't mention that link? And still low contact with his brother and gf which basically condones their actions. YOU get to be seen as the outsider.

Do you have children? If not, what will happen then? You'll be expected to play happy families, I suppose?

None of this works long term.

I think the most appropriate response to this is for you to talk to your DH, and say that knowing this engagement is coming up has really cemented your feelings that these people can't be in your life. And maybe not PIL either. So if your DH can't ultimately put his money where his mouth (sometimes) is and at least totally sever contact with BIL, you maybe need to talk about whether YOU can build a strong family unit yourselves.

There is no way on earth my DH would want to be anywhere near someone who had done something so damaging to his wife, and ruined his own wedding too. No way. Has it ever occurred to your DH that his brother shat on HIM, too? That his brother clearly doesn't give a shit about HIM, either?

You need to talk to your DH. Neither of you should be going to this wedding, it should be nowhere near your lives.

It's coming across a bit as though you're all as bad as each other: petty, self-obsessed drama llamas. Try a large cup of grow the fuck up and move on.

I do like the dignified silence idea but the need for justice is hard to ignore.

I would try and leave them with no photos somehow. Just exact replication of their treatment of you.

If he's already cheated the just sit back and wait .And smirk everyone you see her.

You say you've name changed, so does it really matter if its outing? I would have thought anyone who knows you would recognise you from the detail you have given anyway, so you may as well explain a bit more!

My inlaws did not behave well at my wedding but I still managed to have a brilliant day, I suspect some people would have reacted like you did though. There were last minute threats to not come, they were late, they didn't bother coming over for the photos, one had done the cake and she took it away before we could cut it and brought it home to share out - we never actually saw it haha! They changed the timings of the day with the hotel without telling us, to suit themselves. They disappeared during the speeches so fil didn't make one. They complained and moaned about everything. They didn't say goodbye to us when leaving lol!

We still are all on speaking terms and other events since have put it all in perspective for us (bereavements), at the end of the day - no one can ruin your wedding if you won't let them :-)

And the H might also be disinclined to fall out with his family because his DW is a shrieking princess; he's just going to wait till the lust wears off then dump her. People who whine and strop about being 'disrespected' are usually the ones who least deserve respect in the first place.

Send an engagement card saying

“I remember how incredibly supportive you were when DH and I got married. We are looking forward to returning the favor. But we won’t spoil the surprise yet”

I’m scared a crappy newspaper will post this thread and I’ll be outed!

There were three assholes I’m not going to say who was who.

All of them never congratulated us after the service and out side the church they just disappeared.

One of them sent the photographer home.

One of them sat with sunglasses on (inside) with tears streaming down their face at the meal. Ignoring me when I was asking if they were ok.

One of them tied to start a big fight by punching one of my family - but my family member didn’t retaliate

One of them shouted derogatory things about me when the speeches were happening

They all clapped and cheered when they were leaving the venue.

True story

So yeah I found it difficult to get over it for quite a while.