Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

Ruin their wedding - Ruin it by turning up in a flashy (hired) convertible. Have a tan, wear white, look stunning and be gracious. Drip romantically all over your husband, Rubin noses and coo-zing to each other - and give them a stunningly wrapped really cheap crappy present.

Oops! -rubbing noses and coo-ing!!!

Loving the pompous and patronising comments from the virtue signallers.

Jeez.

A wedding is NOT a "small thing". For the majority it's a landmark day in their lives, one the most important I would say: OP waited for years for the best day of her life and it was ruined by spiteful assholes so I would say she has every right to be upset for months.

It IS totally normal to be hurt and upset by people you thought better of who have deliberately ruined someones else's big day.... OP does not need to "work on herself" and I dare say she's not interested in your "choice words".

OP: you have every right to be angry and upset (I don't tend to hold grudges and I would be proper pissed off) BUT don't lower yourself to their level; you won't like yourself for it and if as you say he's been unfaithful in the past you will have your opportunity to gloat when it all falls apart (and it will).

As others have recommended... don't acknowledge the engagement or the wedding and don't give these cretins anymore of your time or headspace.

Karma is a tough mistress.

3 words: moral high ground

Don't do anything. The marriage will last a short amount of time if that's what's going on and then you can milk it and rub it in the PILs faces once they divorce or at least feel very smug..they may have ruined your wedding but at least your marriage is lasting and wasn't built on shaky foundations.
Ooh I had a thought just then of a wedding card with the definition of marriage in it in case he wasn't sure with the bit about being faithful to one person highlighted.
But that's just me being evil!
Seriously though you won't have to do anything just wait until their marriage crumbles.
But you could always walk around with a 'I know something you don't know!' look on your face for the whole wedding.

Oh and a crappy cheap tacky wedding present with a cheap card to match. No point spending much money if it wont last!

FelicisNox

Yes - you are right.

--But I do keep thinking that the anonymous shit-in-a-box would be satisfying.--

Take pleasure in your thoughts and planning but the best revenge is to move on and have happy life. You wouldn't want theirs would you?

Do nothing, you’re bigger than that, just let it go...

Or you could just tell his fiancee that he's cheated on her...but seriously, it's not worth the drama...or the heartache...or the arguments....just notch it up to the fact that sometimes life is poo but at least you don't have to engage with them anymore...and have a blessing on your marriage when u can afford it and don't invite them or pil....

www.shitexpress.com

Don’t do anything, be gracious and kill them with kindness. Be what they’ll never, ever be able to be. That’s the best revenge.

As tempting as it is, I would maintain your dignity and let karma take its course. He sounds like a knob so it won’t be long before he ruins it for himself and you can sit back and watch it all unfold xx

Just don't go. Not important enough for you.
If your DH has to go then he just goes to the ceremony, (and leaves ostentatiously in a hired Lamborghini).

Love the renewal idea! That sounds great, just you guys and the people you WANT there xx

Just let them get on with it, she's already onto a loser , they won't be married long that's even if they get down the isle, he's already lied and cheated so they've got no future together unless she's going to be a door mat??? I'd just make sure every time you see them or bump into them , you make sure you show them how happy your marriage is and you've got a great life, don't stoop to there scumbag ways, the wedding is already a load of shit as he's a cheating scumbag

I wouldn't- but then holding a grudge is the character trait I most dislike in anybody.

I think rise above it and stay no contact.

While spinning an elaborate fantasy in which you hire an actress with a prosthetic bump to stand up at the "Does anyone know of any impediment..." stage of the proceedings and say "but what about little Wayne and Waynetta, your poor ickle unborn babies... you said you'd be wiv me!" Obviously (giving his hangers-on's propensity for violence) in the fantasy this actress would be a black belt, third dan in several martial arts and deck the first person who tried to lay hands on her (I'm thinking Ziva from NCIS here).

Obviously do not actually do this, as it would all go horribly wrong. But the odd day dream here and there...

What about inviting the other Woman to the wedding. Or if DH is best man he could do a lovely speech with lots of clues and hints to what her new DH has been up to. To be honest. I would tell her before she ties the knot as she wasn’t involved in ruining your day and deserves to know she is marrying a cheat.

I absolutely ^would NOT* invite all the women he's cheated with to the ceremony as soon as I found out where and when. No, I wouldn't, I really, really wouldn't.

OP, Definitely don’t even acknowledge the engagement. If you are invited, don’t go. If you do something to spoil their wedding, it will reflect badly on you. Let what they did be the thing that stands out. People will forget all about what happened in the past and then only remember what you did to spoil the wedding.No good can come of this. But it’s fun to daydream of things to do. Keep it in your head, and do not make it come to fruition. Be the better person. Definitely take the high road on this.

OP, living well is the best revenge.

Remain NC. I would expect your DH to be no contact with someone who hurled abuse at you on your wedding day if that person didn’t fucking grovel their apology to you.

Don’t give them headspace

My sister and SIL wrecked mine, I wouldn't do the same to them, though I would be tempted.

What about sending them a card with a voucher for an hour with a top divorce lawyer?

I think revenge fantasies are healthy to think about. But you must keep them in your head and never lower yourself to actually do any of it.

I’d stay NC and be satisfied that their punishment is eachother as they are both such cunts.

Lots of good advice from pps on a good life being the best revenge. OP. their behaviour hurt you deeply but they then moved on and probably hardly thought about it, where as you are still getting hurt by thinking about it. I don't blame you, it's very difficult, but I think you have to let it go and move on.. and maybe this wedding of theirs is a good time to get the whole thing out of the box, for an hour or two, then dust it off and realise that none of these rotten people actually matter and cannot hurt you ever again. Put it back in the box having seen it eroded by time and move on.
Why not plan a lovely weekend with your OH.. using the money you might have had to spend on wedding outfits, gifts, accomodation... and treat the two of yourselves really really well. Keep busy and do your best not to think about the wedding or yours. I hope you can have a lovely summer together and forget about these awful people