Would you wreck someone’s wedding if they wrecked yours?

[Butterfliestastewiththeirfeet]

I know I’m BU but it’s a thought that’s crossed my mind.

I’ve NC and not going in to finer detail because it’s outing.

So yeah PIL and Bil did a great job of turning our wedding in to something awful. I feel it was done on purpose because of something that was said to a close friend of mine before the day off Bil.

I’ll never forget BILs smirk as he was leaving. Dh was dealing with something else. His new girlfriend at the time was also incredibly rude to DH a while later. Dh didn’t tell me at the time because he knew how upset I was still over the wedding.

I was so upset after the wedding. I couldn’t talk about it for a few weeks with out crying and for about four/five months after I was incredibly low. It was an expensive wedding, looked forward to it for years and I couldn’t get past that i felt they had done it out of spite. I’m NC with Bil and his girlfriend. Very low contact with PIL

Dh is in low contact with bil and his girlfriend.

I’ve honestly put up with some much shit of this family. For years I kept quiet not to rock the boat bit this was the last straw.

Any way BIL girlfriend is about to become his fiancé. I know for a fact he has already cheated on her. That’s what he does. He has always been like that.

I’m having thoughts that I’m going to send an engagement present and ‘build bridges’ just so i can go to the wedding and wreck it for them.

The thought gives me so much pleasure.

I know I’m acting like a complete psycho.

What Bluntness said re: photographer. Seems highly odd.

Also why would no one pipe up during the speeches to tell the assholes to leave? Why not ask the venue to kick them out?

I don't find the photographer as extraordinary as other people do, given that one of the three appears to be PIL. This isn't some guest at a wedding, it is the father of the groom. I can understand a photographer believing the father of the groom if he says something like "oh we double booked a photographer, you need to go home". Or, let's say, PIL as his contribution to the wedding offers to finance the photographer, so long as the photographer used is his pick. then who do you think the photographer would listen to? Why are these scenarios unlikely.

They're unlikely because wedding photographers are often paid in instalments with the last instalment coming when the wedding album or equivalent is delivered, OR, if not, pre-paid with a contract to determine what exactly is covered on the day, editing etc.

If the photographer was sent home before the couple even left the church, there aren't going to be the shots to complete the contract, and the photographer assuming he or she was a professional with a business reputation to protect, who had been hired to cover the whole wedding day would leave him or herself open to being sued for breach of contract, unprofessional behaviour, and stinking bad reviews which will potentially affect future business catastrophically.

One of them sent the photographer home

I really don't get this one - the photographer was contracted to you, so how could anyone else send them home? And why wouldn't they at least have spoken to you first?

They are entering into a loveless marriage. Nobody who cheats truly loves the person they cheated on, they are just convenient.

You having a happy marriage is the best revenge. Save up for a nice sandals resort for your 10th or 15th wedding anniversary and get the spoiling you deserve.

if not, pre-paid with a contract to determine what exactly is covered on the day, editing etc.

But that is exactly why a photographer who was told right at the beginning of the wedding that there had been a mistaken double booking, would leave right away, as he would be wasting his time and resources. Assuming that nobody would want to pay two photographers, and that the other one had a similar contract. How many people would want to tough it out, and argue that I was hired, if in fact that was a second photographer that had also been hired.
And while I agree it would be unprofessional for him to take the say so of a wedding guest, I think the father of the groom would be a different matter. Agreed the father of the groom is slightly different from the father of the bride, but in traditional weddings, everything is paid for by the father of the bride (mine did!). And while I know that it is more common these days for the bride and groom to finance it themselves, especially if they are older, where they are younger I don't believe it is uncommon for the families to chip in, and these days much more equally than leaving to the bride's father. I am sure any wedding photographer will have been hired at times in circumstances where the money is coming from the parents of the couple, not just the couple themselves. It is not necessarily reasonable for a photographer to investigate the exact sources of money for a wedding. If our photographer had been told by my father to go home, he should correctly have gone home, as that was the source of his income. Not that my father would have of course. Because although he is very egalitarian, and would in normal circumstances have hoped to fully share the cost of the wedding, given that my DH's family were refugees without huge resources, he took the "it is my pleasure and privilege as the father of the bride ...." attitude. And he didn't want us, starting out, to be burdened with the cost of the wedding. I fully understand that this is not everybody's arrangement, especially if the couple are older, but it is not an uncommon one

You're really reaching there wannago and trying to twist yourself in knots to find a way to make this work, 🤣

And there were other family members who paid for parts of the wedding as their wedding gift to us. A photographer would therefore make sense - it is a discrete element, and could easily be within somebody's budget.

@isseywithcats
She could just hire someone to do that. It would be epic. You could sit at home and cackle and then deny deny deny

Make out it’s some crazy boyfriend.

As soon as you know the date book a second honeymoon somewhere lovely the same date, renew your vows as well and have some lovely photographs taken. No revenge needed, you will have distanced yourselves from this shower of shits.

Firstly I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them ever again, so wouldnt even be thinking of revenge.

However, am loving the idea of somehow getting him to admit his past discretions, record it, then play it after the wedding to the bride and before the honeymoon I'm evil Mwahh ha ha.

Your DH will have to go to his brother's wedding no matter what really, you don't have to though.

Just write a list of all the things you'd like to say and do to them all and then send them an invoice for your wedding costs which they ruined.

Tell a boyfriend of whoever he’s cheating with if there is one. Then leave it up to them

Not read the full thread but I would be so tempted to turn up and throw red wine all over her dress and push the cake over!

It sounds like they deserve each other, OP!

Sometimes NOT doing a thing can be effective too.

My ex propositioned me repeatedly in the run up to and the night before his wedding to ow.

I worked it so he knew I'd seen the messages, knew I could drop him right in it...and did NOTHING.

I found out after that he'd spent the day DREADING me saying/doing something and he was getting more anxious as the day progressed. Without me needing to do a thing!

If possible for you to hint you MAY do something without putting yourself in a firing line but they're waiting for you to potentially do something could be a way to go.

I've had revenge fantasies re them but I'm so glad I didn't go through with them. I have it on good authority and I have witnessed certain things myself that mean I know they are utterly miserable together, and they can't blame anyone but themselves and each other - and that's adding to their misery.

This couple also sound as if they are perfectly capable of making themselves/each other miserable without assistance from anyone else. Let them get on with it and I'm pretty sure you'll soon see karma working.

FFS past indiscretions

Maybe when 'whoever' sent the photographer home they were so intent on ruining the happy couple's day they paid him a wedge of cash equivalent to the balance of the contract... If he was paid he'd be happy. However, not sure why B&G wouldn't have followed it up with him regardless. Or maybe at that point they were so upset they just left it.

Re revenge. Why lower yourself to their level is my view. I'd indulge in a bit of day-dreaming but then draw a line under it and live my own life. The BTB hasn't landed so much of a catch - just a philandering cheating knob by the sound of it.

Wedding photographers rely a lot on reviews for future work. Plus he or she would have run the risk of being in breach of contract without hearing it from the bride and groom. Very, very odd also that they couldn't be called back.

How this therefore came about is very sinister if the groom's family did that and the photographer actually agreed to it and risked their reputation.

Come back OP

OP, I'm sorry about your wedding.

But actually, you win here because you get the great marriage. What do they get. They are stuck being their miserable selves forever.

Stay no contact. Enjoy your marriage. Enjoy the life you have. Forget them.

If you can afford it (or your employer offers it) consider a couple of sessions with a counsellor.

Post a congratulations on your engagement card every day for the next 3 weeks, each one signed by a different female name

You could send a telegram on their wedding day. You know, that the best man reads out. "Congratulations to you both. Lots of love and, GroomsName, I'll see you very soon, from NameOfWomanHeShagged"

This. Perfect.

Send one from every woman he has cheated with.

I don't find the photographer as extraordinary as other people do, given that one of the three appears to be PIL. This isn't some guest at a wedding, it is the father of the groom. I can understand a photographer believing the father of the groom if he says something like "oh we double booked a photographer, you need to go home". Or, let's say, PIL as his contribution to the wedding offers to finance the photographer, so long as the photographer used is his pick. then who do you think the photographer would listen to? Why are these scenarios unlikely.

Because the photographer might have noticed another photographer, because they come to the house before the wedding, Ridiculous statement why are these scenarios unlikely!

Re: all the suspicions about the photographer, I thinks it's true, someone had posted on here before the IL sending the photographer away and ruining the wedding.

Two wrongs don't make a right and you shouldn't lower your standards to those of moral-free individuals. However bad you feel about your wedding your conscience is ATM clear and it wouldn't be if you deliberately sought to ruin anyone else's nuptials.

In the other hand, you are not morally obliged to retain contact with people who have distressed and harmed you so cut the awful ILs off.

No because I'm not 10, I would just send them a wedding gift, a hotel hours away booked in their name and details which they have to pay for when they get there.