Is this unfair of partner

[takka]

When me and my partner got together over 8 years ago I knew he did a lot of football 3-4 nights a week, which was absolutely fine up until recently, we have a dd who is almost 2 and recently dd has been asking for " daddy " a lot more, she stands at the door ( whilst he's at football ) and says daddy daddy in quite a sad voice, it's upsetting to see, but I was wondering if he is being unfair by still going 3 nights during week or if I'm asking too much for him to miss a game nown and again as I feel 2 nights during the week isn't really enough when your a family, also one of those 2 nights we get together his mum comes over one of them each week ( absolutely fine he needs to see his mum and dd needs to see gp, I'm not overly fussed mil has hurt me a lot in the past ) so that leaves 1 evening during the week for quality time with dd, aibu or is this him being abit selfish ? Fwiw he's here all weekend xx

Six hours a week isn't much nor the £85 a month hobby costs. He is the sole earner so needs to keep healthy, have some down time and it's his salary at the end of the day.

Even on min wage if you worked locally you wouldn't be down £400 unless you mean you claim benefits and you would lose them but surely a salary is better anyway?

If he leaves as he is unhappy he owns more of the house and can support himself and his child. You one less and have no salary to support anyone. That's a very risky situation to be in.

thegreatcrestednewt so much for sisterhood

On the plus side OP I bet he's got lovely legs......can't beat a man with a nice strong thigh

I loathe football with a passion, but you did discuss it and agreed he could carry on

What time does your daughter go to bed?

Have now RTFT. You need to get into a training course for a new career. If you start now by the time dd is at nursery / school you will be able to earn. The football thing is a red herring. You sound like youre in a bad relationship wholly reliant on an unsupportive man. Get some independence.

I think it's good that he is exercising 3 times a week. When our boys were that young, and going to bed at 7pm, I used to go to an exercise class on Monday night, swimming on Tuesday, DH played cricket Wednesday, I had team sport training on Thursday and he played 5 aside football on a Friday night. We were never home later than 9.30pm so still had enough time to watch some tv together.

Weekends, I got Saturdays in the winter for my sport, he got them in the summer for his and then we'd have Sundays together.

It's mainly all dropped off now that the boys are older and stay up later, but it eased us into parenting and I'm hoping I'll get back into it all once they've left home. It also set the boys a good example, imo, and both of them now play 'my' sport - sometimes on the same team as me, which has been priceless to me.

This has worked well for us and I know it's not what you want, but I really don't think he's being unreasonable to expect enough time to enjoy his football and look after his health. You say you don't want to go out, that you want family time, and you get this the other 4 nights a week (ok, 3 if you discount the one when his mum's round). Why would you getting what you want for more nights than him be fair? I'll be honest, I'd have seriously resented DH if he'd made me give up my hobbies.

My husband plays twice a week. What tone does he play? My two are usually going to bed when he goes out. I enjoy the peace.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss it's not 'his' salary to do as he pleases if they have agreed for him to work outside the home and for her to be a SAHP. It is the family's income, and if OP doesn't have two pennies to rub together then him spending money on a hobby is definitely her concern.

What's he like as a Dad on the 4 days he doesn't do football? Is he fully engaged, and pulling his weight with childcare/housework?

Or does he sit and play on the computer / watch football on TV and mostly ignore DD anyway?

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss it's not his salary. What a gross attitude. She's looking after their baby.

If I was him and my daughter was doing that it would break my heart.

How would u feel he was working late 3 nights a week instead would u b ok with that because it's not a choice then.
I think ur being unreasonable 3 hours a week to himself that's all he's getting he works 5 days a week he's home with u 2 full days and 2 evenings a week iv 2 brothers that play football and have kids it's the norm do wat their wife's do join the gym urself then I'll not feel ur the only one cares about the family and he'll get time with himself and his dd