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Original poster

To want to throw DS 18 out to give him a shock

345 replies

Comeonsun · 20/05/2019 21:12

DS 18 has everything going for him so why is he so rude and nasty? He has a great apprenticeship- still in college for the first year and seems to be enjoying it (is sullen and won’t speak most of the time so I don’t know the real ins and out of it). He earns over 1k a month, drives a beautiful car (he pays for it) but we paid for lessons and first year insurance. He pays us £50 a month ‘rent’. That’s too much apparently- he’s disgusted that as he’s in ‘full time education’ we are taking something towards his food / elec/ gas etc.

He has a double room, huge widescreen telly (Xmas present from us) Xbox etc. Access to fridge, food, all washing done, room cleaned, ironing etc.

He so bloody rude though! Condescending attitude, would rather grunt than talk and is breathtakingly cutting and basically vile. Only ever happy if he’s having something new from us and even then the happiness lasts 5 minutes before he’s back to being a pig.

His room needs a new window and desperately needs decorating and new carpet. I’ve just passed him on the landing and said we plan to give him a few weeks notice of upheaval (we’ll need to empty his room for a few days so it will mean needing help to move furniture etc.

He’s point blank refused to have the work done and just ordered me out of his room! He says I’m wasting my money as he doesn’t want it redecorated. It’s my bloody house and it needs doing! Why should I let a room go to wrack and ruin just because he says so?

I’ve explained that if he was renting somewhere a landlord can come in and do works and that when he owns his own place he can decide if something needs doing or not.

He’s told me not to waste my breath as he’s not listening - I’ve never been so close to slapping him to be honest. I feel like chucking the cheeky, insolent sod out .

He’s upstairs now shouting away playing on the Xbox, tell me if I’m being unreasonable as I’m about to throw the swine out.

OP posts:
MyYe · 20/05/2019 21:50

We don't know if 'Go home, apologise, be nice to people' was an option. Or the reasons why there was conflict between the girl and her parents to begin with. Some people just aren't great at parenting.

EvaHarknessRose · 20/05/2019 21:51

He probably does need to leave to grow up a bit. Another poster on here had a ds and his gf living with them who were rude and lazy but when left in the house alone for a week ‘kept house’ really nicely - i think we all revert a bit when with parents.

My dh lived in the YMCA when he was an apprentice, could be a thought. Ask him to look for a room in a house share by x deadline. If he protests, have a serious conversation about how moving out will be necessary, and ask him to come to you with what will change if you agree to him staying, for now. If you agree to his proposal, write it down in contract form!

Ravingstarfish · 20/05/2019 21:51

I was kicked out at 16, couldn’t cook or clean or do anything.
Had to claim income support as I was in college, find a hostel and get myself sorted. I grew up very quickly but I still resent my parents for doing it.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/05/2019 21:52

Why are you continuing to wash his clothes and cook for him? You are condoning his behaviour by refusing to dish out consequences. Sadly, you should have addressed these issues years ago, but it doesn't mean you have to continue to put up with it. You are doing him no favours by spoiling this little twat. It's high time reality punched him right in the neck.

LadyRannaldini · 20/05/2019 21:52

Take him to councilling?

Or spelling, you could join the brat.

AndOutComeTheBoobs · 20/05/2019 21:52

Yes to the Xbox, my two boys became total bastards when they came into our house.

My placid eldest son threw his chair and smashed the TV because he didn't want to share turns with his brother who he usually gets on really well with.

The Xbox left, never to be returned.

But this is an adult and I don't think it's ok to take his belongings!

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/05/2019 21:53

I really wouldn’t leave him in charge of the dog.

TeuchterTraveller · 20/05/2019 21:53

How does anyone get to 18 years old and not know how to use a washing machine or dishwasher? How are you preparing your son in any way for adult life?

A lot of these issues you are having are of your own making, so put your foot down now and make the change.

MyYe · 20/05/2019 21:54

I'd tell him he either changes attitude, starts helping with chores and pays more money or he has 1 month to move out.
I'm sure when he realises how much more it will cost him to rent, he will simmer down a bit.

I would go with this approach. Give him a chance to get his act together but also stop letting him walk all over you.

AndOutComeTheBoobs · 20/05/2019 21:55

so put your foot down now and make the change.

anyone else got Micheal Jackson singing in their head now?

GeoffreyEatsPancakes · 20/05/2019 21:56

I would tell him either he changes his attitude toward you or his £50 will soon become half his wages when he has to find a room to rent somewhere else.

How fucking dare he speak to you like that? Cut his wifi, if you don't know how to cut wifi to individual devices, learn now, google is your friend. You don't have to cut every device, just his phone and xbox.

Have a look on spare room website, print them off and leave them where he can see it. Make sure to point out he would be responsible for sourcing all his food, laundry sorting etc and sharing bathrooms with strangers.

Hithere12 · 20/05/2019 21:56

Surely it’s obvious he’d end up going NC as an adult? Why wouldn’t he? Most people only want a relationship with their elderly parents if they had a great supportive relationship growing up.

Are you guys naive as to how many people are NC or VERY low contact with their parents? It’s very common.

Also anyone who’s worked in a nursing home knows how many people with families never get visitors. I’m just warning OP not to expect a lovely close relationship when he’s in his thirties with a wife and kids when he’s treated like this as a vulnerable teen. Surely what I’m saying is OBVIOUS.

PlasticPatty · 20/05/2019 21:59

He became a twat quite late on really
That made me laugh.
Yes, you've got to do something about him.
Not sure what.
Maybe make a list of how much it costs to keep him? And remind him that his £50 goes nowhere at all? He needs to make up the rest in courtesy and chores.
Be practical and businesslike.

PepsiLola · 20/05/2019 22:02

Open up a computer with rooms to rent up.

Tell him that you are not being treated like this anymore, and he can find somewhere new to live.

Have your DH backing and both stand there point blank serious.

See how he panics when he sees what £50 can get him...

rosedream · 20/05/2019 22:02

He's a teenager going through the hormonal stage with bells on.
Do not throw him out but steer him through it.
Don't nag him , don't bite at his moods , don't be sarcastic etc.
Then hopefully you'll still have a relationship at the other end.

TaleOfTheContinents · 20/05/2019 22:02

Have no helpful contributions, OP, but just wondering - for those of who have been kicked out of home/kicked your DS out of home, how does that actually happen? Do you politely tell them and they just comply? Do you change the locks? Frog march them out? Just curious as I can't see how it would happen if the person being kicked out doesn't want to leave or is generally rude/horrible.

AndOutComeTheBoobs · 20/05/2019 22:06

TaleOfContinents my mum is a tiny but ferocious woman. I just did as I was told.

But I have wondered how you kick out a male bigger than you that doesn't want to leave....

MrHaroldFry · 20/05/2019 22:09

Take his bedroom door off the hinges for starters. No respect, coupled with minimal rent = no privacy for him.
Change the locks and he gets a new key when and if he pays more rent and is more respectful. Otherwise he is house hunting/flat sharing.

Tell him to find a place to stay when you are away. Get dog to a kennel.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/05/2019 22:09

He has a decent wage - throw him out.

It's not like he won't be able to find somewhere else and end up sleeping in a bus shelter.

He'll cause problems, so when he is out, change the locks and put his clothes, and essentials in a bin bag for him on the doorstep. He can get the rest of his stuff when he has somewhere to put it.

Put the dog in kennels (even if you don't chuck him out - don't let the poor thing suffer) or get someone who will look after the dog in your home or their own.

It will do him good - believe me.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 20/05/2019 22:10

he sounds like most 18 year old boys - and most of the grow out of it

Ravingstarfish · 20/05/2019 22:11

Taleofcontinents my parents said pack a bag and go, so I did.
When I was 10 I came home from school and they’d moved house without telling me, neighbour took me in until they came to pick me up, so you could always do that I suppose!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/05/2019 22:12

"I didn't ask to be born"

I got this from my DS when he was about 12.

I told him he shouldn't have been such a fast sperm in that case - should have just hung about at the back with the rest of the lazy ones and let a decent one get to the front.

stucknoue · 20/05/2019 22:14

At 16 my girls got the exciting gift of a laundry basket and instructions on using the washing machine, they also had to clean their rooms. Both in full time education so no rent but they are expected to do chores. He needs an ultimatum

outsho · 20/05/2019 22:14

He’s 18 and you tidy his bedroom? Wtf, my DC are 6, 7 and 9 and they tidy their own bedroom. You also shouldn’t be doing his washing, you’re not his servant ffs.

He needs to grow up and learn how to be an actual adult otherwise when he does leave home, it will be a huge shock to him. £50 a month when he earns 1k is a joke as well. Get that upped to at least £200, kick him out while you sort his bedroom out and tell him he has to wash his own grundies. Lazy entitled sod.

canyoufeedthedog · 20/05/2019 22:15

Can I just say....you brought this teen up? Did you not put boundaries, rules, manners in place when he was younger? Are you reaping what you have down?