To want to throw DS 18 out to give him a shock

[Comeonsun]

DS 18 has everything going for him so why is he so rude and nasty? He has a great apprenticeship- still in college for the first year and seems to be enjoying it (is sullen and won’t speak most of the time so I don’t know the real ins and out of it). He earns over 1k a month, drives a beautiful car (he pays for it) but we paid for lessons and first year insurance. He pays us £50 a month ‘rent’. That’s too much apparently- he’s disgusted that as he’s in ‘full time education’ we are taking something towards his food / elec/ gas etc.

He has a double room, huge widescreen telly (Xmas present from us) Xbox etc. Access to fridge, food, all washing done, room cleaned, ironing etc.

He so bloody rude though! Condescending attitude, would rather grunt than talk and is breathtakingly cutting and basically vile. Only ever happy if he’s having something new from us and even then the happiness lasts 5 minutes before he’s back to being a pig.

His room needs a new window and desperately needs decorating and new carpet. I’ve just passed him on the landing and said we plan to give him a few weeks notice of upheaval (we’ll need to empty his room for a few days so it will mean needing help to move furniture etc.

He’s point blank refused to have the work done and just ordered me out of his room! He says I’m wasting my money as he doesn’t want it redecorated. It’s my bloody house and it needs doing! Why should I let a room go to wrack and ruin just because he says so?

I’ve explained that if he was renting somewhere a landlord can come in and do works and that when he owns his own place he can decide if something needs doing or not.

He’s told me not to waste my breath as he’s not listening - I’ve never been so close to slapping him to be honest. I feel like chucking the cheeky, insolent sod out .

He’s upstairs now shouting away playing on the Xbox, tell me if I’m being unreasonable as I’m about to throw the swine out.

[Comeonsun]

Well hopefully tonight things will change. I’ve just had the most god awful screaming raging crying huge snotballs fit as he broke my last nit of patience.

I went into his room to ask if he’d kindly pick up a parcel from the sorting office tomorrow as he has no college. Cue him not even bothering to look up from his phone, big sigh, and wave of the hand ‘tell me about it in the morning’ - no I will have left for work by the time you get up. So he said ‘text me about it tomorrow’. I explained I haven’t got time in my manic job to text him directions to the sorting office so it’ll be easier if I explain now. He wasn’t interested in listening so I completely lost my shit. The neighbours must have wondered what the hell was happening as we aren’t a shouty family.

I ran down to DH and ranted at him too as he doesn’t back me up so he calmly went upstairs and ordered DS downstairs.

Well he doesn’t see what the issue is and apparently I’m ‘batshit’. I explained how easy he has it (little money contribution, no household chores expected) and DS says ‘ah so this is all about money’ NO it’s not! It’s about how ungrateful he is whilst having it so easy.

So In a nutshell I’ve told him that every time he speaks to me like dirt now I’m not overlooking it, if he doesn’t like it he knows where the door is. He is having his window replaced and his room painted whether he likes it or not and he will help with it. He will now on see to his own washing and ironing and change his bed. Food we will continue to cook and offer if I’m cooking for us all. I haven’t upped his contribution as we are luckily able to easily keep him and I’d rather he continue to save.

I’m at the end of my tether now and I’m not putting up with any more. I’ve told him he’s an entitled cheeky fucker and he’s on very thin ice. I’m hoping it’s shocked him as I never swear. Let’s see if his attitude improves.

[justasking111]

Yep when us mums finally let rip it does tend to stun the men in the house here. Well done...

[Devon1987]

Fingers crossed. And well done!

[LatentPhase]

Go you OP hope it works

[Whatevermission]

Has he never had to do his washing/cleaning? To be fair, how is he going to know what to do/manage? You will have to teach him. How come he has never had to do anything around the house, or at least his own room/washing?

[justasking111]

He can pull up a you tube tutorial or two and learn how.

[Comeonsun]

He can obviously DO things like empty the dishwasher, hang washing out, pop the hoover over but as DH and I are very organised there’s never any need for him to do anything routinely. He either in college all day or out with friends so he’s not here a lot. I don’t have a problem with that but at least be bloody grateful and civil to me when I speak to him! He’s condescending and almost looks down his nose at me - has a real chip on his shoulder and it’s as though he really cannot me bothered to engage at all, it’s too much effort to even bother to speak to the stupid ‘batshit’ woman.
Tough shit, I’m not putting up with it any more, he may be a foot taller than me but no more am I allowing him to lord it over me.

[BlueJag]

@Comeonsun looks like you fuzz and do too much for him. Living at home at 18 is a luxury.
Tough love is required. It's not about the money necessary is about respect.
You are going to come back to a filthy house and a starving dog.
He either shapes up or moves out. You can't live like this.

[justasking111]

Your OH can show him how to use the washing machine if he asks nicely. I would not engage with him.

I once went into sons rooms opened their windows and threw everything out that was on the floor so I could hoover. Clothes, shoes, books. Then it rained.....

[Whatevermission]

He does need to, in that he needs to learn how to. Not in an abstract manner, but in a routine and team work way. I'm afraid, I think you are going to have your work cut out for you, trying to change his approach now he is 18

[Comeonsun]

Dog has been booked into sitters so he won’t be here while we are away.
We go away in 2 weeks time and am now compiling a list of thing I want done while we are away. If he washes his Clothing and bedding whilst away that’s up to him - he either runs out of clothes or goes smelly.
He will be told to water the garden every day if it’s not rained, Hoover through every other day and keep everything clean and tidy. He is generally tidy in his room so I can’t complain about that. No parties (he wouldn’t have one anyway I don’t think, he wouldn’t be bothered with the hosting).

[justasking111]

Doncha just love you tube.

[thebabysmellsofpooagain]

OP - I'm glad to see that you have got your game face on, although I am sorry that it took you losing your shit to get you there

Make sure you stick to it. He'll get the hang of things eventually when his clothes start to smell!

GL! Keep us posted 😘

[IHateUncleJamie]

Cue him not even bothering to look up from his phone, big sigh, and wave of the hand ‘tell me about it in the morning

Bloody hell @Comeonsun as if you were a servant! I don’t blame you for losing your shit. About time too. 😱🤬

[IceRebel]

his room painted whether he likes it or not and he will help with it.

But it's his room. It doesn't need redecorating and you admit he keeps it clean and tidy. I'm with you on the window that needs replacing, and I agree he does need to up his contributions around the house. However, making him redecorate and forcing him to help, seems like a battle that really doesn't need to happen.

[EggAndButter]

I’m sorry but asking him to hoover every other day and water the garden everyday??

Seriously, I’ve never done ANY of that.
If this is what you expect him to do and demand, I would have the same look on my face.
Keeping things things clean and tidy is however a given...

[justasking111]

He will hoover ten minutes before the OP gets home. With the dog gone it will not need doing anyway. I would like the plants done if we get a heatwave. Would start showing him now and write it down.

[RightOnTheEdge]

I think this thread has been stolen by Jeremy Vine this morning. They are going to be talking about it in a bit.

[Wilberforce2]

Right I just came on to say the same thing!

[mbosnz]

LOL If the neighbours have teenagers, I imagine they were listening with rather beautific smiles on their faces.

Do be telling him the next time he tries to pull his sexist bullshit on you, he's going to be looking at ad's for flatshares on Gumtree. And tell your husband that if he doesn't smarten up and back you up, he might be asking to sleep on your son's sofa. . .

Good one.

[justasking111]

Am listening to Jeremy Vine with interest, nothing in the headlines about it.

[MyBlueMoonbeam]

He is 18, not 32. Still v young and in full time education -as well as working, which is commendable. Why would he not have full access to the house, and fridge?! I am sorry but that is shocking. So are the advices to “chuck him out”. How shameful and irresponsible you all are...

There has clearly been a severe breakdown of communication but it is for you OP. as his mother, to crack that nut and guide him into adulthood and being more considerate toward his family. But frankly, if your instinct is to chuck him out when facing tough time, you may wish to look in the mirror to understand why he is being difficult with you.

This 100% @JojoLapin well said - some absolutely shocking replies.

[justasking111]

Moonbeam, suggest you read how the OP is resolving this. She is not going to starve him.

[MiniMum97]

He doesn't know how to use the dishwasher! Ffs that says it all there. You've made a rod for your own back and now you are paying the price. You need to set some clear boundaries and expectations of him. If he speaks to you rudely there needs to be consequences. And I agree with others his rent is too low. If he doesn't like it he can move out and find out how hard life really is.

[GoodbyeRosie]

Throwing him out is too drastic a move , but that's what needs to happen if his attitude doesn't change.

He may be your little soldier boy, but from the outside at 18 he is technically an abusive adult.

You can't make him do anything, and from what you say he wont think twice about letting the garden die and ill treating the dog to the point where he may kill it, so I would put the dog in kennels and get a local person to water the garden etc.

You can stop doing things for him. No more washing or cleaning, no cooking meals. cut off the Wifi or change the codes and don't tell him.

If someone is earning £1000 per month and only being charged £50 per month inc bills and all meals, they have a very good deal indeed.

Ultimately, you have created and enabled him to be like this, and you can stop it.