To want to throw DS 18 out to give him a shock

[Comeonsun]

DS 18 has everything going for him so why is he so rude and nasty? He has a great apprenticeship- still in college for the first year and seems to be enjoying it (is sullen and won’t speak most of the time so I don’t know the real ins and out of it). He earns over 1k a month, drives a beautiful car (he pays for it) but we paid for lessons and first year insurance. He pays us £50 a month ‘rent’. That’s too much apparently- he’s disgusted that as he’s in ‘full time education’ we are taking something towards his food / elec/ gas etc.

He has a double room, huge widescreen telly (Xmas present from us) Xbox etc. Access to fridge, food, all washing done, room cleaned, ironing etc.

He so bloody rude though! Condescending attitude, would rather grunt than talk and is breathtakingly cutting and basically vile. Only ever happy if he’s having something new from us and even then the happiness lasts 5 minutes before he’s back to being a pig.

His room needs a new window and desperately needs decorating and new carpet. I’ve just passed him on the landing and said we plan to give him a few weeks notice of upheaval (we’ll need to empty his room for a few days so it will mean needing help to move furniture etc.

He’s point blank refused to have the work done and just ordered me out of his room! He says I’m wasting my money as he doesn’t want it redecorated. It’s my bloody house and it needs doing! Why should I let a room go to wrack and ruin just because he says so?

I’ve explained that if he was renting somewhere a landlord can come in and do works and that when he owns his own place he can decide if something needs doing or not.

He’s told me not to waste my breath as he’s not listening - I’ve never been so close to slapping him to be honest. I feel like chucking the cheeky, insolent sod out .

He’s upstairs now shouting away playing on the Xbox, tell me if I’m being unreasonable as I’m about to throw the swine out.

How long has he been a twat for?

You can't go from treating him like a toddler to kicking him out. How has he gotten to 18 without knowing how to use a washing machine? Why do you still tidy his bedroom?

@Whisky2014

She needs to grow up 😂 because she’s living a happy life and she should suddenly look out for her mother when she didn’t when she was a vulnerable teenager with no life experience?

He sounds very spoilt. Why are you going his laundry and buying him massive TVs if he acts like that?!

Doing *

He became a twat quite late on really, I thought I’d escaped the terrible teens. I would say once he hit 16 really. His attitude towards us became increasingly bad once we started to expect him to knuckle down (schoolwork, deciding on career / uni / job or apprenticeship).

He would like to be spending all day in bed and all night on the Xbox you see. He started doing this after he finished his GCSEs and we tolerated it for a while then refused to tolerate it.

@Whisky2014 I don't think I'd be interested in a relationship with my parents if they'd let me live in a hostel struggling to buy food to be fair.

@sheshootssheimplores

Omg so funny 😂🙄. It’s true. If you do such a crap job raising your kid and are the type of person to chuck them out instead of helping them you are NOT the type of person who should have kids.

OP if you do this you’ll likely end up NC with your son and when you need him in your old age or want a relationship with his family I doubt he’ll feel under any obligation to have a relationship with you.

@Hithere12 yep, mentally grow up. But I'm sure when her kids grow up and give her a hard time she will be completely understanding about it...
Maybe then she will see how her mother felt. It must have been pretty bad for her mum to do that!

He pays us £50 a month ‘rent’. That’s too much apparently- he’s disgusted that as he’s in ‘full time education’ we are taking something towards his food / elec/ gas etc.

He has a double room, huge widescreen telly (Xmas present from us) Xbox etc. Access to fridge, food, all washing done, room cleaned, ironing etc.
OP your son is a spoiled, rude and entitled individual and it sounds as if his parents have and are enabling him. He is old enough to do his own washing, ironing and cleaning and would have to do so if he was living in rented accommodation, where he'd also have to pay a decent (far more) amount in rent plus his food and utilities- incl WiFi.

He'd find, also, that non-family were also very unlikely to put up with his poor attitude for long.

What does your DH think - does he support you regarding your son because the two of you need to present a united front here.

He really should have been doing chores etc from a young age so he realised that he lives in a family and everyone should contribute!

But too late now.

Help him find his own place.

He could definitely afford a room with £1k per month. Give him notice. Life is too short to live how you are and he needs to grow up. Most people of that age are living on student loans and learning how to look after themselves.

In your attempts to be calm and loving you're ruining him though. He needs to grow up and you doing all of the things you are for him (whilst well intentioned)means he doesn't have to. And you're the one who is frustrated and unhappy despite your best efforts to be nice to him. Put up the rent, stop with the washing/cooking etc.

@MyYe sounds like she was a stubborn brat. Go home, apologise, be nice to people...have a nice life. Or choose to be a entitled teen and stay in a hostel shouting about being abandoned. Hmmm

Anyway op. Don't let him walk all over you. When you get back from holiday don't be doing his washing he's left for you. He is perfectly capable.

I'd tell him he either changes attitude, starts helping with chores and pays more money or he has 1 month to move out.
I'm sure when he realises how much more it will cost him to rent, he will simmer down a bit.

OP, I think your son might be entitled.

He's not in the real world at all. I think it really is that simple. I was wondering if it was depression but you're describing it more like he resents you for not allowing him to play on his xbox day and night.

Sounds like there's an element of addiction to gaming/technology here.

Vile to people in real life.
Doesn't want to address ANY real life issues.
Just wants to play in his room.
Horrible when there's the slightest chance of his 'routine' being disrupted.

Fuck that. Break the cycle.

"I didn't ask to be born" is the stupidest most nonsensical thing that anyone can ever say or think. Of course you didn't ask to be born. Find me someone that did and I'll respect your opinions a little more but I won't fret because it's not going to happen! Stupid is as stupid says.

Get rid of the x box. The number of teenagers who become shouty rude horrible people after they've been playing on it seems to increase every week. I've recently witnessed my oldest friend's teen son be unbelievably rude and obnoxious to his poor mum, the change in him since spending so much time on that bloody machine shouting is hideous

I paid my parents £35/month dig money while I was in further education 30 years ago!!!!

£50 is a bit of a bargain, ungrateful sod. He's ungrateful because it is such a token amount he doesn't think it's worth it. get him doing his own washing, bedroom, bedding etc and make sure he contributes to the household. Whatever you up his rent to doesn't include a maid service.

Are you sure you want to leave him home alone when you go away. Do you trust him to not have a big party and let the house get trashed?

Hithere12, it's not very often I say this on here, but don't be so ridiculous.

OP, stop doing anything for him.
He pays you a minimal rent only, so act as a landlord (and tell him that's what you're doing, as that's the way he wants to play it).
He needs to clean his own room, do his own cooking and washing etc, as if he was living in someone else's house (and bloody well clear up behind himself).
If he wants you to provide food, he pays extra. The same goes for cleaning and washing.
As for the window, tell him that as the owner of the house, you wish it to be done and it will - there is no discussion to be had about it.
If he kicks off, tell him to find somewhere else that will put up with him for £50 a month.
If necessary, yes, put a timeline on it.

"I didn't ask to be born" is the stupidest most nonsensical thing that anyone can ever say or think. yep, it's what a 12 year old would say, or someone of low intelligence.

He's not going to have a 'big party'. That would require effort and social skills.

He's going to sit in his own filth playing 24hrs on the Xbox and leaving a trail of destruction from the kitchen to the bedroom.

This is just a suggestion.

When my mum finally kicked me out when I was 18 (I was similar to your son in luxuries, but I go on really well with my mum), she helped me find a shared house and helped me pay the rent for the first few months.

It meant that I didn't have to worry about that while I figured out bills and food.
While I learned that leaving my washing in the machine for days on end meant I walked round in clothes that smelt like sick.

It'll soften the blow a bit and you will worry less for his wellbeing.