To want to throw DS 18 out to give him a shock

[Comeonsun]

DS 18 has everything going for him so why is he so rude and nasty? He has a great apprenticeship- still in college for the first year and seems to be enjoying it (is sullen and won’t speak most of the time so I don’t know the real ins and out of it). He earns over 1k a month, drives a beautiful car (he pays for it) but we paid for lessons and first year insurance. He pays us £50 a month ‘rent’. That’s too much apparently- he’s disgusted that as he’s in ‘full time education’ we are taking something towards his food / elec/ gas etc.

He has a double room, huge widescreen telly (Xmas present from us) Xbox etc. Access to fridge, food, all washing done, room cleaned, ironing etc.

He so bloody rude though! Condescending attitude, would rather grunt than talk and is breathtakingly cutting and basically vile. Only ever happy if he’s having something new from us and even then the happiness lasts 5 minutes before he’s back to being a pig.

His room needs a new window and desperately needs decorating and new carpet. I’ve just passed him on the landing and said we plan to give him a few weeks notice of upheaval (we’ll need to empty his room for a few days so it will mean needing help to move furniture etc.

He’s point blank refused to have the work done and just ordered me out of his room! He says I’m wasting my money as he doesn’t want it redecorated. It’s my bloody house and it needs doing! Why should I let a room go to wrack and ruin just because he says so?

I’ve explained that if he was renting somewhere a landlord can come in and do works and that when he owns his own place he can decide if something needs doing or not.

He’s told me not to waste my breath as he’s not listening - I’ve never been so close to slapping him to be honest. I feel like chucking the cheeky, insolent sod out .

He’s upstairs now shouting away playing on the Xbox, tell me if I’m being unreasonable as I’m about to throw the swine out.

Wow £1k a month. He’s got it easy and needs to move out. I earn £1100 a month and am a single parent with a mortgage. Slightly more than £50 of outgoings. He doesn’t realise how lucky he is. The full time dictation bit is a loophole because if he was at school he wouldn’t be earning. He is very lucky to earn as he learns a trade. He will struggle when he does eventually move out. Depending where you live he could easily manage a 1 bed flat on his own (send him oop north of you aren’t already) but obviously in some areas he’d need a house share.

@mbosnz talk to me when ds is 16 though

LOL, that's how old my eldest is - in about 5 months!

Also at 18 I was living in student halls of residence, at 19 a house share. I was on a full time degree (9-5 every day for teacher training) and had to pay my rent and bills from the loan took out, then eventually got a job the last year working 12 hours on top of teaching practise and dissertation writing. Having £950 a month to himself without having to worry about bills and food is a luxury.

Have the window fixed. It's your house and you can't allow the fabric of it deteriorate just to please him. Decorating and new carpet? Leave it, he obviously doesn't care and you can use the money to do it all to your taste whenever he does eventually move out. No more laundry done for him, he needs to learn to do his own. Turn off the Wifi when you leave for your holiday. Leave just the basics in the fridge, milk, butter, bread etc. Put the poor dog in kennels. Forget about him while you're away, enjoy your holiday and sit him down and deliver ultimatums when you return.

Give him notice. Explain you could have a lodger that would give you a much better income, likely to be more civil and a lot less hassle than he is. If he can find the same as he has with you for £50 a week well, help him pack! You have spoiled him and he expects it to continue into his adulthood and beyond.

One more thing: he will doubtless scream the place down and get right in your face. Flying spittle, waving fists etc. The answer to that is "do that again and you will be removed by the police". I can tell you that it works.

Wow Op no offence but you've raised an entitled spoilt brat. I was a flash and mouthy little madam at that age sure but if I behaved like your son my mum would be booking my funeral the following week. I moved out at 17 which was my choice but done in the heat of the moment so my mum told me straight once I do it there's no going back my family thought after a few weeks I'd see how hard it is and come home and I didn't. Whilst my mum did help out when I got my flat i.e. buying various bits of cutlery, bedsheets, towels and odd bits of furniture etc once I was settled my mum took a step back and let me deal with everything myself, gas, electric, water rates, housing benefit (I was able to claim cos I was in full time education), income support, budgeting and then actually running a household! My god I got a big shock and a hard dose of reality I couldn't cook to save my life I either overcooked or undercooked food, couldn't work a washing machine actually I couldn't afford one so it was off to the launderette once a week. Luxuries went out the window no money leftover for them after paying bills. I ended up being resentful of my family for not helping me more at the time. Fast forward 10+ years I've been in full time work since I was 18 and am now very independment and can deal with everything and I eventually learned how to use a washing machine . I can cook very well and actually realise how much help I did get in the begining from my family. I grew up very quickly when I realised no one was gonna pick up after me and I learned the very hard way it really made me appreciate my family more.

Op tell him he has to move out for 2 weeks whilst you're on holiday and have someone in to stay for the dog or put him in a kennel. Because when you get back your house will be a state or worse trashed and I doubt he'll walk and feed the dog. If I was you I'd change the wifi password, stop paying his car insurance, don't do his washing or cooking and don't clean his room at all and I love the remove his bedroom door suggestion pure genius! he'll soon have plenty to say when you aren't there to wait on him and tell him either he changes his attitude and starts acting like an adult respecting your rules or you'll be helping flat hunt so he can do as he please there rather than make everyone's lives miserable with his ungrateful attitude

Just kick him out. Sod all this reasoning with him bullshit...he won't listen. If he does go no contact you will get some peace and quiet.

vulnerable teen my arse
He is taking the piss. And making life grim for OP. Yes you have molly coddled him. Time to be firm.

Stop doing the washing, stop ironing for him and stop cooking his meals. Give him a months notice to say you’re upping the amount of rent to £200 a month and if he’s not happy with that tell him he will need to find his own place and give him a 3 month time frame to do so plenty time to pull a deposit together. If he pays you the 200 Put £100 a month of that away in savings for him and tell him that’s what you’re doing so if he does ever need it it’s there (sudden job loss/car expense etc).
Get him in on the decorating let him help choose the flooring and which colours and bedding he wants etc maybe change the room layout. Purely to make it easier for yourself.

God I pity the poor woman he ends up with. Entitled arrogant useless partner of the future.

Don’t leave the poor dog with him, he won’t look after it. Have you thought about him having a party and the possible damage?

Don’t leave the poor dog with him, he won’t look after it

The OP has already said she will hire a dog sitter.

I think you and your husband need to show a united front here.

Perhaps start by saying you've messed up. You realise you've indulged him but things are going to change all round. Increase his rent to what a house share might cost or maybe an agreement where £100 is rent and £100 is compulsory savings.

And doing any housework for him, unless he's present at a family meal where you cooking for 4 is easy enough.

And don't give him any money...a student has £9K to live on and most spend at least £6K on rent, so live on £3K.

He's spoiled rotten and you need to sort it sooner rather than later or the sense of entitlement will probably get worse

I’ve tried killing him with kindness

He is a spoilt little shit.

You don't need to kick him out.

He just has no respect for you at all because you are a complete wimp.

Get hard with him, take no messing. He will respect you more for it.

YANBU!!!!
£50 a month?! That's ridiculous! My then partner (hes my husband now) paid nearer £200 while we lived with my parents, bought and cooked our own meals, said ournown washing AND paid for new carpet and decorated our room!
Hes clearly lazy, ignorant and unappriciative of you. If he wants to live like a pig; I say kick his butt into touch and tell him he can move out! Otherwise buck his ideas up and give you a little respect!

Seriously, the money is pretty poor, there’s no way he can pay rent (average about £500 a month I imagine), bills etc?

Why do so many people think he's got rubbish wages?

People bring up families on less than that!

@SchadenfreudePersonified it depends on where you live I think. Where I live, you cant rent a one bed flat for that. I've got family members scattered around the South of England and none of them could live on that either let alone bring up families.

We're all going on our personal situations, whether we'd be able to rent or even flatshare on that amount which is why I think people are saying that. We don't however know the area OP lives so don't have a clue.

On his wage he could afford a room in a house share. He won't be rolling in it but he could easily get by.

Something like this would be affordable and is perfectly nice, certainly not throwing him to the wolves...

www.gumtree.com/p/property-to-share/double-bedroom-to-let-with-all-bills-included/1340767502

People bring up families on less than that! With tax credits,child benefit etc

@DobbysLeftSock that's in Leeds though (unless Google had it wrong). We have no idea where the OP lives. I've looked in the area where I live and flat/room shares average around £200+ a week. That won't leave him a lot of money at all for transport/food etc.

Like I've said before, we don't know where the area OP lives and these examples are useless unless we do know.

Loaf

No - INCLUDING credits and child benefits.

Wages are shite in a lot of areas. People scrape by.

Appreciate it's a bit of a useless example if OP lives in London/ home counties but there's a lot of places in the UK that will be cheaper than Leeds too.

It was more to counter the "the horror, he'll be practically on the streets" feeling a few posters were giving off. I would hazard that in the majority of the country, someone with a wage of just over a grand a month and a paid-for car could afford to rent a room in a shared house.

Been there, know what it’s like. You are not doing him any favours by indulging him. No laundry, cooking, etc and a lot more rent. If he complains, help him look for somewhere else to live. And defo book dog into kennels! That would worry me!

The comments from the self righteous crew on here are just ridiculous.... Jesus wept.

1. The boy is 18, he may not be an adult but he's old enough to know better.

2. READ THE THREAD: OP is not an unloving negligent parent, if anything they've mollycoddled him but I wouldn't say totally spoiled him.

3. you can throw children out and still have a perfectly normal, loving relationship down the line once the little sods have grown up and seen the error of their ways: I was put in a hostel when I fell pregnant with my 1st child (the logic being it was the fastest way to get a council house) I didn't like it but my parents were right, it was the fastest way to get my own house and why should my parents have to put up with a screaming baby because of a choice I made?
   
   I grew up, realised this and we all get on great... my dad is now giving that child the deposit for her 1st house.

Similarly, my step daughter left at 16 because she didn't want to live by our rules and moved in with her 18 year old boyfriend: we were livid with her but they are still together 5 years later, have their own place and we now have a 2 year old granddaughter.... was it bumpy? Yes. Did we all move on from it? Obviously.... don't scare monger the OP because it's just BS.

4. OP: your house, your rules. Tell him to shape up or ship out and find your dog a decent sitter.

5. how this boy is behaving is nothing to do with being a shitty parent: he's been well treated and well brought up, he just likes the luxury of doing his own thing in his parents house with no consequences and that's not how life works.. some of you need to grow up because you sound like the kind of parents who let their little shits get away with murder in case they don't like you and refer to your kids as your "best friends".. I'll give you a clue: you're not.

Time to get your game face on OP and sort that son out.