To go and pick DD up from school?

[Whitegrenache]

Posting here for quick response

Dd aged 13 in yr 8 has some occasional issues with the friendship group she is in - nothing major but spats from time to time and the ring leader (lets call her C) seems like a queen bee type - she also seems to have some mental health issues , Panic attacks and recurring abscence from school (according to DD)

Anyway it started again in Friday - then continued over weekend via Snapchat - usual teenage goings on.

DD is a resilient kid who over the weekend came off snap chat as she couldn't be bothered with all the hassle (her decision)
Anyway I have just had a text from her asking me to pick her up from school as C is upsetting her and calling her names.

What on earth do I do?

I don't want to get her as this is not the way to deal with problems

Do I ring the school?

I would probably just let her sort it out herself.

So sorry your daughter is going through this I have a 12 yr old DD myself, I would be straight over to the school to pick her up.

Do not go and see the head while your daughter is with you as this may make her feel worse, but I would email/ call the head when you get home and explain, and ask what there policies and procedures are on this kind of behaviour and this is un acceptable!
C is obviously not your daughters friend, yes things happen as yound girls, but to do it often is not right, and the fact of mental health issues ( as much ad this is awful) that's no excuse to bully or be a bitch to another person.

This is not ok.
Hope your daughter is feeling better soon xxx

If she isn't the sort to ask you usually I'd pick her up personally.

Year 8/9 is prime time for major friendship group traumas. I would phone and ask for a message to be sent to her form tutor saying that DD is upset and has asked to be picked up from school and can tutor look into what is going on. Kind of halfway house between leaving her to get on with it and going and picking her up. If she is usually pretty resilient then she must be quite upset to ask!

First question is why on earth is she using a phone in class?
Of course you cannot turn up in school to pick up your daughter due to a fall out. Surely they are in lessons and getting on with their work, how is this going on during teaching time? Make an appointment to speak to her form tutor and take it from there.

It's a cry of distress. I'd do it, and make an appointment to see the head teacher to discuss.

Yes pick her up, unless she has form for doing this.

They are not allowed to do it in class - there is a not heard and not seen policy for phone - she obviously text in break

I would call school ask them to pull her out of lesson and that you are on way to get her x

Sit her down and talk about everything that has happened to date, make notes. Make sure you have evidence(snapchat is difficult) but ask your dd to start photographing the horrible messages and saving them, and send them to you.

Book an appointment with the head.

This can not and should not be allowed to continue. They are bullying her at school, and home via social media (I know of at least two teenage children that have been excluded for doing this) There needs to be a very serious plan for your dd in place at school, it needs to be monitored by you and teachers, and dealt with robustly.

Could you text back that you will pick her up when school is finished?
Are you sure that is not what she meant?

I would contact the form tutor or the head of year before the head- it will probably be passed back down to them if you go directly to the top. I personally wouldn’t pick her up as it may result in it occurring regularly. Can she go to her head of year?

Year 8/9 is prime time for major friendship group traumas. I would phone and ask for a message to be sent to her form tutor saying that DD is upset and has asked to be picked up from school and can tutor look into what is going on. Kind of halfway house between leaving her to get on with it and going and picking her up. If she is usually pretty resilient then she must be quite upset to ask!

This.

She doesn't mean pick her up after school as I'm off to work at 4 and Grandparents are picking her up

I have rang school and they are going to look into it.

I'm not the type to go rushing in - I believe they have to fight their own battles

However it's unacceptable for this to happen

You’re her mum and in my opinion the person who is there to protect her. If she is normally resilient but has text you this issue is clearly overstepping her personal boundaries. Pick her up and spend some time today asking her what way she would feel comfortable to have this sorted so she avoids missing more school.

It doesn’t sound like she’s the sort to ask you to do this without good reason. I’d also phone the school to let them know you’re on your way, then make an appointment with the head to discuss. Your DD has the right to feel safe in school and they have a duty to ensure this and take any bullying seriously. And there is a huge difference between the occasional spat between friends and actual, sustained bullying, which is what this sounds like. Hope your DD is OK

Can she go to Pupil Support for a chat? or a friendly teacher? This is what my DD did after a major falling out of her friendship group - i got a phone call to say that the School were dealing with it

I think you've done the right thing. Ringing school means her form teacher can look into things. Picking her up would set a bad precedent. Today might be nasty but she needs to get through it. You can be there for her this eve. Friendship issues are horrible. There's always one queen bee type involved.

She's had break already?

When would you picking her up? Surely you can't just whip her out mid way through the day unless it's for a pretty good reason, illness, appointment. I'd speak to the school, form tutor, pastoral care. Tell her you'll pick her up after school. If this girl is bullying her, it needs to be raised as an issue first before you start pulling your DD out.

I have rang school and they are going to look into it

Which means precisely what?

If your school is anything like ours you will not be able to just turn up and pick her up anyway. They will expect it to have been approved in advance. I think ringing the school was the right move.

I would tell her to go to speak to pastoral care. that's what they're for.

I think you did the right thing,. If my mum had collected me every time we had a teenage girly falling out, I would have never attended school. It’s a rough time but she has to learn her own coping strategies and running away from a problem is the worst strategy there is, however much easier it feels at the time.

As someone who was bullied as a child - Please go pick her up. There's only so much the school can do there & then