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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go and pick DD up from school?

156 replies

Whitegrenache · 20/05/2019 10:29

Posting here for quick response

Dd aged 13 in yr 8 has some occasional issues with the friendship group she is in - nothing major but spats from time to time and the ring leader (lets call her C) seems like a queen bee type - she also seems to have some mental health issues , Panic attacks and recurring abscence from school (according to DD)

Anyway it started again in Friday - then continued over weekend via Snapchat - usual teenage goings on.

DD is a resilient kid who over the weekend came off snap chat as she couldn't be bothered with all the hassle (her decision)
Anyway I have just had a text from her asking me to pick her up from school as C is upsetting her and calling her names.

What on earth do I do?

I don't want to get her as this is not the way to deal with problems

Do I ring the school?

OP posts:
MissyMoooo · 20/05/2019 11:04

My daughter is same age and is having terrible problems with girls and boys being mean to her. Mostly she ignores them but she occasionally snaps and she has called me in tears saying she can't deal with it. I went and picked her up, rightly or wrongly. My daughter should feel safe at school and if she doesn't I will go and get her. It's horrible being on the bad side of bullies. The shouldn't need to put up with it. Go get her and call the head for a meeting. Thanks

SkintAsASkintThing · 20/05/2019 11:05

Some secondary schools here start at 8am. First break will be around 10. Then a lesson, then lunch then 2 more lessons for those gormlessly asking about breaktimes instead of answering the ops question. Hmm

Op, as she's usually so resilient I'd definitely contact school and put something into place for the future. She shouldn't have to put up with this. Poor girl .........have a big, fat chocolate bar and.a hug ready for when you get home.

LillithsFamiliar · 20/05/2019 11:14

You've said your DD is usually resilient so for her to message means she must feel she needs you. School 'looking into' a bullying issue isn't about giving your DD support especially when they're already aware of C's issues.
I think you should go to the school tbh. See your DD and ask school what they found out.

Original poster
Whitegrenache · 20/05/2019 11:14

People who are fixated on the horror of her using her phone at school please do one

Others with advice to offer thanks -

The school are going to have a chat to her about this and ring me back.

My dilemma is I am at work 4-9 tonight so won't see her until I get back and Dad is away with work..

Ahhh Its so hard balancing work and family

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 20/05/2019 11:18

I think it's good she texted you. I would want to know if something was wrong. Think you did the right thing phoning school. They will talk to her and if necessary talk with the group to get to the bottom of it. You can always call her from work?

LillithsFamiliar · 20/05/2019 11:23

Could you catch her at lunchtime then since you won't see her till 9pm?

shitholiday2018 · 20/05/2019 11:26

Op, it’s shit you have to work. Can you text her and say you’ll meet her for a quick hug at chuck out time, and still get to work on time? If not, can you send her a love bomb message and then leave her a longer letter and her favourite tea? Justsome small comforts to remind her she’s loved at home even when things are shit at school. My eldest particularly likes a letter - it’s rare they get them now so it’s a lovely treat? My daughter keeps mine and rereads them loads.

Original poster
Whitegrenache · 20/05/2019 11:27

Yes I can call her at anytime tonight

Good idea about going at lunchtime but I don't want to start doing that if this can be sorted out quickly

OP posts:
Original poster
Whitegrenache · 20/05/2019 11:27

Ah a letter sounds lush I'll do that

OP posts:
EducatingArti · 20/05/2019 11:27

Would she talk to grandparents if she needed to? If she has access to a loving person who will listen and support her, don't worry about not seeing her till 9. It is actually quite useful for teenagers to talk to others outside the immediate family. Could you prime GPs to be attentive and supportive or would she not like you mentioning it to them

Original poster
Whitegrenache · 20/05/2019 11:30

Whilst GP are great there is No way she would talk to them! But good idea x

OP posts:
confusedanddone · 20/05/2019 11:31

I had the same problems at school. One 'friend' who was always nasty.

One day I'd had enough and rang my mum at lunch time, I'd never asked her to come and get me before and she came straight to the school and rang, spoke to reception to explain what she was doing and rang the head teacher when we got home.

Everything was sorted out pretty quickly from the school and I was so grateful that she had come and got me as I would have just left on my own otherwise.

Hope your daughter is okay OP x

Wolfiefan · 20/05/2019 11:32

She needs to find an adult at school she can talk to. Tutor? Head of Year?
You can’t sort this out for her and taking her home won’t solve the problem. (What happens tomorrow morning?)
Poor kid. I do hope the school help.

Proseccoinamug · 20/05/2019 11:37

Please go and get her OP. She needs to k ow you’re there when she needs you. She knows she can’t do this all the time.

She’s usually a sensible girl who deals with things but today she has said she needs you. You can’t refuse to go.

RedSkyLastNight · 20/05/2019 11:41

Can you ring her at lunch time (as in, is this within school rules)?
You might find by then that everything has calmed down, or just being able to talk to you maybe be enough.

Bobbybobbins · 20/05/2019 11:42

I'm a secondary teacher and recently dealt with very similar with one of my form group. Mum emails to say daughter has rung home, wants her to pick her up. I got the head of year onto it straightaway and daughter was fine. We have a support unit kids can go to if they are upset.

I think you've done exactly the right thing. If you are not happy with how school deals with it from now then definitely get in touch again.

TapasForTwo · 20/05/2019 11:42

I have been through this with DD. Girls at that age can be utter bitches. School needs to deal with this. They won't be happy if you go in and get her now.

Hearthside · 20/05/2019 11:45

OP i agree with previous poster i would get pastoral involved .Sometimes kids just need mum to step in and help out even when they are that bit older .It needs nipping in the bud .It is hard balancing family like and work i agree .

Original poster
Whitegrenache · 20/05/2019 11:52

I'm fucking raging

Spoke to head of year who told me she's told DD that's it's unacceptable to ring your mother and that she has caused mum major panic ....

That's is basically a spat between 2 girls and it's not bullying

And that dd should have contacted a teacher rather than text me

I remarked that maybe she couldn't do that as she doesn't find anyone approachable and that is an issue in itself

Also she told me all the other girls have excluded DD from the friendship group which I pointed out was bullying as per the bullying policy Angry
Spoke to Dd on the phone and she was very subdued but obviously head of year was in ear shot x

I don't think she should have been made to feel guilt about texting me - especially since she has never done that

OP posts:
Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 11:54

Go and get her, the school are not taking this seriously, and now your poor dd is being told by the head of year, bullied by the girls and all she wants to do is come home.

Call the HoD and tell her you will be there in 10 minutes.

You have got to have your dd's back on this. Poor girl Sad

Notabedofroses · 20/05/2019 11:54

I have been your dd, and you feel there is no one in the world to turn to. Be the one person she can count on.

Booboostwo · 20/05/2019 11:56

That is awful, your poor DD. She asked for help and the school ignored the problem and told her off for asking for help.

I know you are at work which makes things very difficult but I think you need to text her and reassure her that you will deal with all of this as soon as you can.

NoSauce · 20/05/2019 11:58

OP did you mean to write her name?
I feel for your DD, I hope you get to the bottom of this soon enough.

HavelockVetinari · 20/05/2019 11:59

Given the HoY's unacceptable response I would go and get her. Poor lass, it can be really awful when girls gang up.

sheettent · 20/05/2019 12:00

I've been your dd. Please go and get her.

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