To go and pick DD up from school?

[Whitegrenache]

Posting here for quick response

Dd aged 13 in yr 8 has some occasional issues with the friendship group she is in - nothing major but spats from time to time and the ring leader (lets call her C) seems like a queen bee type - she also seems to have some mental health issues , Panic attacks and recurring abscence from school (according to DD)

Anyway it started again in Friday - then continued over weekend via Snapchat - usual teenage goings on.

DD is a resilient kid who over the weekend came off snap chat as she couldn't be bothered with all the hassle (her decision)
Anyway I have just had a text from her asking me to pick her up from school as C is upsetting her and calling her names.

What on earth do I do?

I don't want to get her as this is not the way to deal with problems

Do I ring the school?

I was in a similar situation at 12/13 when at school. I rarely told my mum about anything that went on at school. Then one day I got pushed down the stairs, asked my mum to come and get me, she didn't hesitate. I am 29 now and will never forget my mum doing that for me

Your poor daughter.

So she was harassed over the weekend via snapchat, bullied and excluded by her peers today, and finally told off by the head of year.

Poor, poor kid. I’d go and get her and ask for a meeting with the Head.

Go and get her

Yeah you need to go and get her, she’s being made to feel like the problem when she clearly hasn’t got anyone to turn to.

I’m not surprised you’re fuming.

She's had break already?

@strawberrisc well seeing as the OP posted after 10, yes I would say it's quite obvious they'll have had a break by then. Our morning break at high school was 10-10.15 and we started at 8.45. A lot of schools start even earlier than that now.

Not that it was the point of the post anyway..

Damn right it's bullying. Cannot believe she got into trouble for texting you! Poor kid!! School needs to be far more involved with this

At this point, if you are not happy with the response and you are able to, I would go into school. Try not to rant though as it is unlikely to get you the response you need. Explain calmly why you are not happy with hoy response and why you do not think it was 'just' a spat. Ask what action they will put in place to deal with the issue. Explain about your dds usual resilience and why you think this needs to be taken seriously. Make sure they know about the issues at the weekend as this may not have come to light and shows evidence of continuing issues. Acknowledge and accept evidence of any way that your dd may have contributed to the situation too.

Were you in a mad panic? Because if you are not and she has been made to think that I would have very strong words with shcool about misrepresenting you.

I would go and get her.

When I was 13 I lived walking distance from school. I was being bullied. At lunch, someone tipped a whole can of drink in my lap to make it look like I had wet myself. I ran home in tears. My mother handed me clean pants and skirt and sent me back to school. She never raised it with the school because she could never stand up to authority. That was 30 years ago and in that moment I learned that even my own parents weren't there for me when I needed them.
I promised to never let my children feel the same way about me.

I hope your daughter is OK. I think it is great that she felt able to text you and I hope the school is able to sort this out. You sound like a great mum. Good luck

Email or ring hoy. Say your dd is wanting to be taken out due to the escalation of ongoing issues.

I got terribly bullied at school and escaped and ran home. My Dad happened to be home on a lunch break. He took me back to the school and was raging at the teachers (and kids who were bullying me, I was covered in cuts and he discovered scars I'd been hiding.)

I'll never forget it. He made me feel safe and loved, it's the nicest thing he's ever done for me.

Sorry only part thread loaded, see it has gone beyond that. Ask for a meeting with hoy without dd.

Make an appointment to see her form tutor or head of year plus let them know what's going on, but don't pick her up, advise her to talk to her teachers

Go and get her. She should not have to put up with this.
Insist on taking her home and arrange a meeting with the HT to ensure they deal with the bullying before you will allow DD to return to school.

Sorry I have just read your update and agree the school behaved badly. You were trying to support your daughter and they seem to have made it worse. I would try to go in and talk to the Head or Head of year about it. Or if you are still unhappy one of the Parent Governors

Please go and get her.

I'd go and get her, I wouldn't have said this originally, but the school aren't dealing with it and victim blaming.
have a good chat with her and speak to school. Ask how they are going to keep your dd safe from this.
For now get her off all social media, explain it isn't punishment but to stop the bullying at home.

I'd go and get her too. They HOY is basically telling your daughter to put up and shut up. No way is that acceptable.

That’s bloody typical of a school downplaying the issue 😡, and focussing on your dd contacting you rather than the reason for her having contacted you

I would have advised to do exactly as you did & ring school but now, with the latest development, I'd go & pick your DD up.

I'd be very firm with school & tell them you trusted them to deal with it but since they have failed & aren't taking your DD seriously, you'll take matters into your own hands.

I used to be really soft & go along with whatever school said but now realise, if I can't stand up for my children, no one else will!!

We have decided not to get her - which I know sounds harsh but we are of the opinion that she has to work through these problems hard as it is.

There will be a meeting set up with school to discuss this once I find more details from DD

Thanks all

I don’t think it is harsh. It is far better for her to develop coping strategies in school. (And no. I don’t mean she should put up with nastiness.)

I think that there are two issues here - the bullying clearly needs proper involvement. I think a call back to head of year, insisting on a meeting, is your next step straight away.

Both my DC's schools, however, would not be impressed by a child calling home during the school day. Both schools are bringing in policies where phones should only be used when allowed by a teacher, so no phones at break or lunch.

If there is an issue, the child should know which member of staff to approach - so matron or nurse if feeling unwell. School then call the parent if necessary.

To be honest, it works, and avoids situations like this, but ONLY IF the child knows who to approach and if the child is listened to by the staff.

I think you've done the right thing, OP. It's hard trying to balance work and your dc's needs. Find out the whole story and contact the school. Excluding dc from a friendship group is bullying. It's insidiuous and nasty and demoralising.

Have you read Queen Bees and Wannabes? You/your dd may find it helpful.

www.amazon.co.uk/Queen-Bees-Wannabes-boyfriends-realities/product-reviews/0749924373/ref=cm_cr_dp_d_hist_4?filterByStar=four_star&reviewerType=all_reviews&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8#reviews-filter-bar

I’d be picking DD up. She wouldn’t call like that unless there was a real problem.