Would you judge me?

[clairemcnam]

I hold my knife like a pen. I did not even think about this until MN. Would you judge me for this if you met me?

Say what? The ‘correct’ way to hold a knife is no different for a vegetarian.

I was responding to someone saying the correct way to hold a knife made it much easier to cut meat. If that is the case, it would make no difference to me as I don't eat meat. This may be why I'm not sure what the supposed correct and incorrect ways to hold a knife are. That and I DGAF. So long as no-one's waving a knife around dangerously I wouldn't really notice how they held it.

Why is this bad manners exactly? Who has decided that?

I also have many friends who won't invite you again.

Thank fuck. They sound like truly shit 'friends'.

No I wouldn't, but some would do. If you were in a job that required you to entertain or go to dinners etc and you didn't know how to hold the cutlery properly then it would be an issue I think.

Why an issue? Who cares?

I would judge anyone who thinks it bad manners.

Why an issue? Who cares?

just reading various threads, people really do care about bad manners and people being rude.
It's hypocritical to think one thing matters more than another, because the high majority does care.

I literally couldn't give a flying fuck. And I think it's bizarre to say that holding a knife in a particular way is somehow bad mannered. Unless it's a steak knife and you're using it to stab your dining partner of course

how do you judge people who eat with their mouth opened, who help themselves in your fridge, who take off/keep their shoes in your house (doing the opposite of your own rules), don't say please or thank you?

Manners matter to everyone, I am sure there are examples of some sort you do judge. It's a bit hypocritical to pretend otherwise.

Manners matter when they impact other people. All the examples you give would impact me negatively and are objectively rude rather than a social etiquette based faux pas, which affects nobody. It doesn’t affect me in the slightest how anyone holds their knife.

But why is it bad manners ManchesterBorn?

why is anything? Why do we use cutlery at all if you go there? Some people don't, and eve eat from a shared communal dish.

Yeah. I hate it. It looks wrong and I have no idea how PP say they don’t notice. It sticks out a mile.
I assume either you came from a family that table manners weren’t taught or you were being a pretentious and trying to hold it differently.
I don’t think I know anyone who holds it like this but see it all the time on First Dates and Dinner Date shows. Lots of culterly being waved around too. Doesn’t seem to bother their potential partners.

I would judge someone who is pathetic enough to judge someone for the way they hold their knife.

It wouldn’t bother me. Unless you’re chewing with your mouth wide open or blowing your nose on the table cloth, I don’t see the point in judging. People who judge over this sort of thing have a bit too much time on their hands tbh.

Driftingthoughlife How would even know if someone was judging or not. It also bad manners to make other people feel uncomfortable so no one who finds it irritating is likely to say anything. Because that would make them a bigger dick than someone who can’t hold cutlery properly.

I also have many friends who won't invite you again. Your friends sound like cunts.

why is anything?

Well some things clearly are - like ignoring someone or slamming a door in their face. Ridiculous affectations like being bothered by how someone holds their knife - says far more about the judgers.

Well I wouldn't judge you, because I'm not a twat! Buuuut, I hate it. It just annoys me and I don't really know why. Sorry!

It isn't bad manners. Bad manners are things that are unpleasant for other people such as eating with your mouth open.
How you hold your knife is about etiquette. Etiquette is about class based rules that dictate who is part of the in crowd and who is not.

My daughter struggles to use a knife and fork. She has autism and a sensory processing disorder. If you judge her for having a disability I guess that makes you an arsehole. Congratulations.

In answer to the OP, I try not to judge others because I don't know their backgrounds and I am also fallible.

Ridiculous affectations like being bothered by how someone holds their knife - says far more about the judgers.

Agreed, I'd never heard of this one before, but it just sounds like a way for the judgers to feel superior. Someone holding their knife like a pen affects no one. Saying it irritates you is meaningless, logo t-shirts irritate me, but it isn't bad manners to wear one.

"Yeah. I hate it. It looks wrong and I have no idea how PP say they don’t notice. It sticks out a mile.
I assume either you came from a family that table manners weren’t taught or you were being a pretentious and trying to hold it differently.
I don’t think I know anyone who holds it like this but see it all the time on First Dates and Dinner Date shows. Lots of culterly being waved around too. Doesn’t seem to bother their potential partners."

I think it's quite pretentious to judge people about how they hold their cutlery. As already mentioned by other posters, bad manners are things that negatively affect and offend other people. Someone holding their knife "the wrong way" does not make one bit of difference to me, unless they're pointing it at me.

Since reading it on MN, I have tried to use a knife the other way and I can't. I do suspect I have dyspraxia.
Interesting what someone says about this affecting promotion. When I was younger I worked in an organisation where I did a great job, but never felt I fitted in. I remember someone on my level getting promoted above me. I was better at the job that her, but she did seem to fit in. I knew that is why she was promoted above me.

Oh god, I hate eating with other people when I'm starving /eating delicious food as I want to lick my plate - but I don't .
So I can't judge anyone about etiquette, unless you speak with your mouth full.

My DH and I have been together for 25 years and I only noticed a couple of weeks ago that he has his finger way to far down the fork for acceptable dinner table etiquette. I now can't unsee it! My dad was a bastard but he did instill good table manners.