Would you judge me?

[clairemcnam]

I hold my knife like a pen. I did not even think about this until MN. Would you judge me for this if you met me?

I once got Invited to the home of one of the "posh" mums from school, along with a few others of her posse. Talking stables, grooms and shooting parties.
At the end of lunch (at which my DC were impeccably behaved) they told me that I had passed their little test and that I had beautiful table manners.
Little test my arse.
My Dad was a steward for Cunard, I know how to hold a flipping knife and fork but it means nothing if you are a horrible person.
I never went back.

Only be worried if you had manic eyes and looked like you wanted to write something

I’m really confused now - I hold a pen and my knife ( and fork, come to think of it) the same way and was always taught that’s the correct way. As to how do I cut meat with only one finger pressure - if the knife is sharp and the meat cooked properly you barely need any pressure?

If it’s not with your pointy finger on top, how the heck are you meant to hold it?

I'd hate to think anyone would feel excluded, or worse still - was excluded - from any environment based on manners that are, ultimately, often class based.

On this we agree, which goes back to my question on what does to "judge" someone mean.

Would I judge someone, yes to the extent I would think they don't know how to or can't use cutlery correctly. Would I exclude them or think less of them for it, no not at all, it wouldn't remotely bother me and I would be more offended by those it did offend,

So as said, I'm not sure the question is as simple as would you " judge", more how would you act on that judgement.

I use a fork in my right hand, to break my food up and eat it. This is because my left hand is partially paralysed due to a brain injury. I see several people in this thread would judge me for doing this. They are the ones with the problem, not me.

Holding cutlery awkwardly, using apostrophes incorrectly, smoking, dropping litter, swearing in every sentence: All things I would silently judge (I think the term in this context can only ever be negative) and draw conclusions from. It doesn't mean I wouldn't treat someone the same as anyone else or not be friends with them.

It's completely patronising really but I don't think it's something most people can avoid; we just all have different criteria: I'm aware I do some things that other people would judge me badly for - it just depends on what you've been taught and what your values are (however ridiculous they may be).

I don’t think anybody would judge a person with a disability. I certainly don’t judge my own relatives who struggle to eat because of their disability.

I switch my knife and fork into the opposite hands before I start eating if thats any consolation

I would certainly notice - I was taught the other way - but I wouldn't judge or care! I'd just wonder momentarily how you'd cut a steak.

Incidentally, I hold my pen like I'm clutching a lump of rock. I get judged on that sometimes.

I wouldn't. I wasnt aware of the 2 different ways either. I am very hyper aware of my table manners, as a child i simply could not grasp how to use a knife and fork properly, not through my parents lsck of trying (brother and sister have no problems, so not because I have a terrible upbringing or anything). I had just about convinced myself that nobodu actually cares, but have recently started working with a very posh woman who declared my table manners "rude and very bad mannered" because of the way I hold my knife and fork. Thing is, she opens ketchup packets and empties them on her plate then sucks the excess off the packet. Personally I find that pretty poor table manners! But I don't care and wouldn't think on it if it wasn't for her mentioning my manners first.
In my opinion, people who notice the way you eat - fine. People who judge and call you out on it - bad manners.

I eat left handedly. I didn't know this was a thing til EH pointed it out. Knife in left hand. I didn't know that was a thing

I eat left handedly. I didn't know this was a thing

It isn't. It's not left-handed, it's just wrong. I don't feel any need to use my cutlery in the wrong hands because I'm left-handed and neither do my parents.

I'm left handed and hold my knife like that. Obviously wouldn't judge! 💁‍♀️

Most importantly. How do you chop an onion?

I eat American style, I cut the food up with a knife in my right hand and a fork in my left, and shovel it in with my fork in my right hand! Sounds crazy but it works for me.

Yes I judge; it tells me a lot about your family.

Nothing irritates me quite like etiquette, for the most part it’s a load of stupid, arbitrary nonsense that makes no difference to anyone’s life. If you would seriously judge someone because of how they hold a knife you need to take a long hard look at how much of a wanker you are.

&dappledthings of course it’s a ‘thing’ if you are left handed your left hand will be stronger so it is often easier to eat that way, there is a spectrum of ‘handedness’ for want of a better word. For some the left (or right) hand is very dominant and they would find it virtually impossible to use the opposite hand for fine motor skills, others like me are totally ambidextrous and can do most things with either hand. And there are every step in between, so just because you can eat the right handed way, it doesn’t mean everyone can, or should frankly. There is no wrong way to eat, other than what someone with too much time on their hands decided was right.

I hope most people are too busy to notice how someone else holds their knife and fork.

I think it's a little weird to see men at my table hold their fork in a fist like a little kid shovelling the food.

I did work with a girl from another country who used 2 knifes to eat with and no fork. we all thought it was cute.

The only cringe one would be the little kid fist grip.

I have noticed quite a few younger people holding a pen or pencil incorrectly, with their thumb wrapped .

Yes you are disgusting, get out of my house!! 😂

My parents were working class and it was important for us to speak properly, have good manners overall all and especially table manners. They weren't "above themselves." They simply felt that money had nothing to do with proper etiquette.

I moved to the city and I was confident when I ate out. My husband's family was come down from his grandfather who was upper echelon. His parents tried to teach him but he rebelled bc it was SO VERY important to them. (But he did learn.)

We have taught our children good table manners as well. It is an important skill that just makes life easier.

If you're at a work function, or a nervewracking social function, not worrying about your table skills is one less thing to bother you. It comes naturally and without worry.

We didn't teach with harshness. Just as we would any skill. With curiosity and explanations.

People keep saying posh where I think they mean snobbish. I did my PhD at a snobbish posh Russell Group university, I know some extremely posh people, and none of them give a shit about these sorts of things. It's the people a couple of tiers down - second gen working class, middle middle reaching for upper middle - that care about these markers, because they feel like they have something to prove.

Severely judged.

In my world it would be a very Career Limiting Move to eat like that.

In anyone over 12 years old, I’d assume a neglectful upbringing or a disability. I might have sympathy, but I would expect anyone with ambition (and the ability to) would retrain their brain on this habit once they hit adulthood.

Sorry but that’s how most people I know would react.