Would you judge me?

[clairemcnam]

I hold my knife like a pen. I did not even think about this until MN. Would you judge me for this if you met me?

I'd notice, and think it odd because it looks so impractical. And I don't know anyone who does really. But I can't say I'd judge, or think much more about it after that.

My husband does this, I don't know how he got away with it considering my lovely MIL. We both hold our knives and forks in the 'wrong hand' and I know that bugs her because she points it out. We somehow manage to eat and cut food up easily. I would never judge anyone on this but I hate to see an overloaded fork (giving stink eye to my youngest who does this no matter how many time I tell him off).

And the idea that seasoning before tasting is rude, I just do not 'get'. If you adjust the seasoning you're implicitly disapproving of the food's preparation whether you do so before or after you've taken a mouthful

The inference, if one were to season before tasting, is that the chef / cook has such a limited palette they couldn’t have possibly correctly seasoned the food. Do it after tasting and the eater has accepted it could be correct on first tasting but is adjusting to their own palette. The assumption that the chef is going to be incorrect is removed and now it’s just a matter of personal preference.

Subtle difference.

My DS puts far too much food on his fork. It drives me nuts.

how do you judge people who eat with their mouth opened, who help themselves in your fridge, who take off/keep their shoes in your house (doing the opposite of your own rules), don't say please or thank you?

Oh, come on. The distinction's clear. Those things are inconsiderate and affects others. How a person holds a knife affects no one. It's not the same thing at all.

Just found this on an etiquette website...

There are foods that are eaten with just a fork, including some pasta and some fish. In this case use the fork in the right hand and have the tines up, more like a spoon

I'd notice yes. But I'd not say anything clearly, or think less of you for it, I guess I would think you didn't know how to hold your cutlery correctly or grew up in a household where no one taught you and still don't know as an adult or never got out of the habit.

Yes, sorry, I hate it.

I had a middle class upbringing and I hold my knife like a pen. And in my left hand. I cut my food without any problems. I never realised it was considered bad manners.

However I eat with my mouth closed, I say please and thank you, I thank my host at dinner parties ( and take wine and flowers).

I think MN is full of snobs......

@peachgreen couldn't agree more.

There are so many things people do that are genuinely socially inconsiderate to fret about. This really isn't one of them.

unicorn swapping hands if scooping with your fork is another rule I've explained to dc.
They ask where all these rules come from, I've been honest and say I don't have a clue!

It looks awful and like one hasn't been shown correctly
trot off back to the ambassadors dinner party there’s a good chap

I wouldn’t judge because i wouldn’t notice. I do the manners things that I can like with mouth closed, things that actually affect other people.

I have a disability, but it’s quite hidden. I look completely wrong when I eat and I cant cut things well. If I’m out with people I don’t know well I chose food that’s easier to eat like soup or pasta. I try to remember to ask the waiter to get food cut in the kitchen.

I personally hate my disability (and therefore myself) on occasions thinking of that aspect of public eating. I want to look elegant and have good etiquette as well as good manners.

From previous threads like this I know people will be silently judging, feeling virtuous because they don’t say anything.

I might notice, but I wouldn't give a shit.

unicorn swapping hands if scooping with your fork is another rule I've explained to dc.
They ask where all these rules come from, I've been honest and say I don't have a clue!

I've seen do many people deride this "American" way of eating on MN, I thought I'd share it's obviously acceptable on this etiquette website

These threads always make me laugh when you get people saying 'one' this and that. As if they would ever fucking say that in real life.

Apologies, one is being a tad vulgar ...

I don't think Americans swap hands though, they also still use a knife, finally the scooping isn't impacted by the type of food.
So it isn't the same as the UK eating method. Moving to to US with small dc has focused my mind on this 🤣

There are so many things people do that are genuinely socially inconsiderate to fret about. This really isn't one of them.

You can't pick and chose, or don't complain that other people chose to ignore some "rules" (can't think of a better word) that you judge important.

I might decide that stating that frowning upon having a look at your host's bedroom is a silly rule and explore yours next time I come for dinner. Not stealing, no messing anything up, no comment, it will affect you not at all.

I bet half the posters would be very unimpressed about that. Basic manners hey.

No, life is too short to even care 🤷🏻‍♀️

*about how someone holds a knife and fork

These threads always make me laugh when you get people saying 'one' this and that. As if they would ever fucking say that in real life.

irony really is lost on some people

you would not see upper class or well-educated people holding their cutlery incorrectly

I am the OP and am well educated. What you mean is that I am common.

I too use the phrase ‘one could / would’ etc in daily life. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Either you reject all rules and decide to live a free spirit, good luck with that, or you at least recognise them. You don't get to pick and chose

Of course we get to choose. I don't back out of a room either, or have personalised stationery, as per Debretts.