To be so fucking mad and wonder what the point is

[Ohkayyy]

7th miscarriage happened last night.

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm really struggling to keep it together.

I don't know how to carry on with normal life. I sit at work and think, I can't do this forever without a family. Just work, go home, sleep and back again.

I don't care about anything and hate myself and my body so much it makes me cry looking in a mirror. I feel pathetic and embarrassing. I don't want to be pitied by my friends and colleagues who are all moving on and having their children and leaving me behind.

DH has children already and I hate myself for thinking it but it makes me so jealous and lonely that we aren't facing the same future.

I don't know where to go from here. I am constantly being pushed back to square one, I just can't be satisfied with anything in my life. I have never felt so desperately miserable in my entire life.

Sorry for the rant

My heart goes out to you OP. It's shit and it's unfair. I'm glad you have some options to explore.

I wish you worked on my team, you wouldn't have to worry about how work would react. I supported a member of my staff through something very similar - she had six miscarriages (four while she worked for me), and she's now on maternity leave with her daughter. I really, really hope you manage to have the child you want OP. Much love.

Thank you

I've just been to the GP, amazed at how quickly they saw me to be honest. They have prescribed Sertraline.

I just feel very very exhausted now after going over everything with the counselor last night and the doctor this morning. I don't think I could cry more if I tried.

Hope you start feeling better soon. Well done on taking the first steps.

I came across your post...I know this was back in 2019 so I wanted to say I’m sorry for your losses I can’t imagine. I wanted to also say I’ve only had one loss and it was brutal so I can’t imagine 7 however I can connect with you about my husband having children and it does something to you after you experience a miscarriage. I just kinda wanted to follow up and see how you were doing?

So sorry to hear of your loss.

I am so sorry. Sending you a virtual hugx

This is sad. Do go and see your grandma in spain. Take a year off trying. It is the last thing you want to do but you must. Xx

Thought this thread was resurrected because of an an update from the OP...

Take a breather. Go on holiday by yourself. Do something different. You're stressed and that makes conceiving even harder

Zombie thread.

Sending flowers, OP. I am so sorry.

Please take some time off work and look after yourself.

Zombie........

@Ohkayyy

onemorecake

Thank you x

H mentioned looking at adoption last night, but it's just not something I feel ready to even contemplate considering yet.

I'm not surprised, adoption is a whole different ball game and there is never any guarantee that you would end up with a child, or that an adoption would work out. I am surprised your husband came out with that considering he already has children.

At 27 you have time on your side at least.

I hope you are successful eventually - your mother was so that must give you some hope.

There's no point in being angry and swearing, honestly that achieves nothing. Perhaps carry on as if you were not trying to conceive, try to enjoy yourself in other ways. There are other things in life.

op: "I've been thinking about going and seeing my grandma for a few days. She lives in Spain, I feel like just getting away and not thinking about anything for a few days to clear my head. Don't know if this is harsh on H though, he has a lot on at work at the min so probably couldn't come with me. Is that like running away from your problems? I don't know."

Go, you need a break. You aren't running away from your problems, it's only a few days. I fail to see how a few days away will affect your husband one way or another. It might actually give him a break too.

@Ohkayyy I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine how awful it feels to have had 7. Rant as much as you want it’s incredible unfair for you to have to go through this. Sending so many hugs. Have you read the baby loss guide? It helped me a little with dealing with all the emotions and I’m also reading it starts with the egg. I don’t know whether it will make any difference for me but it’s helping to feel like I’m doing something, it might help you too?

Zombie thread

The poster who resurrected it should have started her own post not gone on this one

I remember reading this in 2019.
OP if you are reading I hope you are ok and I desperately hope you managed to get pregnant and are wonderfully happy.

Zombie thread

Oh no, I really hoped OP had come back.

Who resurrected this? waves fist

Replying quickly and not read all the posts, but have you contacted St Mary's at Paddington? They have a very good reputation for recurrent miscarriage investigations. I agree with others that even given the translocation that is unlikely to have caused 7 miscarriages.

For what it's worth I lost a child neo natally and then had 2 definite miscarriages (seen on scan) plus a handful of times when a positive test was followed by my period within a week to 10 days. It's hideous and I had almost given up. I was about to be referred to St Mary's when I fell pregnant again and had my son. I had another little boy 4 years later. I do know the pain and it's indescribeable - having a baby was all that mattered. Please if you haven't talk to St Mary's. Really hope you get your precious child.

OP I have a translocation as well. 3 miscarriages then IVF, which was successful. If you want to know anything about the process or the costs or anything, give me a PM.

Channel 5 had a really good programme in 2020 called "Miscarriage - Our Story". Might be helpful to watch it - it's on catch up.

PLEASE STOP REPLYING, EVERYONE.

This thread is two years old, and the OP might be caused a very great deal of anguish by being reminded of it by lots of notifications.

@Ohkayyy

& no affected child from that relationship

Do they not take into account H's children from his previous relationship? I thought they did.

Some trusts do.

Hi all,
This is a thread from last year, so we are going to close it now. To those women who have lost their little pregnancies, we feel you (and we've been there). The best of the best of luck that everything works out in the end. x