Husband not happy I earned more

[rolex142]

So as the title says my husband keeps bringing up the fact I earned 7k more than him last year as he states he hasn't seen a penny of it. I earn about 2k more than him a year but was offered lots of overtime when we wasn't bringing this to 7/8k. He knows this as he asked for my P60 and compared both. He has frequently called me tight despite me paying for everything that we all need. I know how much it would stress him out and piss him off I was to expect him to buy the baby clothes.

We share a house and have a 2yo. We pay the same amount in to a joint account to pay the joint bills for the house. Everything else we pay out our own accounts. We do this because in the past he has been quite reckless with money and when we had a joint account (it was actually his account where I paid my wages and had no card) he spent a lot of money on rubbish and we were pretty skint.

We both had debt when we met, he had 30k+ on credit cards and nothing to show for it. He worked 2 jobs to pay them off and we vowed never to have bad debt again.

A few years later he increased the joint loan we had without my knowledge or consent. It was to pay for my surprise birthday trip away, I wasn't happy about it but was told I was ruining things by getting hung up on it.

Fast forward to today. He doesn't get offered much overtime but will work it when he does. I get offered a lot and he encourages me to work it but I'd much prefer to be at home on the weekends.

I pay for Xmas, birthdays, clothes, most days out, home furnishings and all the food throughout the month. He pays for petrol and the rest of his money is his own. He has paid for a holiday he was desperate for us to go on, I have agreed to cover the spending money and on the months he had to make an instalment I have paid for pretty much everything that month.

He brings up money all the time and his latest comment of you earn more and Iv not seen a penny really cut me, I don't have a secret stash of cash (like he suspects I do) I don't buy myself very much and shop in primark when I do. I have no hobbies and I am very low maintenance, haven't been near a hairdresser or beautician in months. I never discuss money and I live frugally, like to get a bargain and I'm not reckless with cash so I'm also intrigued as to where this extra 7k went but I know that it has just been used to live, we eat (and waste) a lot of food and I'm never out the supermarket. I can count on one hand the nights out Iv had in the last year and he knows all this so who is really being unreasonable here?

He wants a joint account with all the money going in to it, I don't as I know it will end up with him spending most of it. He says he has changed but I don't really want to take the chance as I don't believe it. This month all Iv heard is how skint he is so he took my card to pay for petrol and he cracked up as it was declined. I had no idea how much money was in my bank and moved some savings in to pay for the petrol but he cracked up about how I should have known and seems indignant that I didn't have money when he has paid £800 to the holiday this month (he has not saved any money for the holiday so had to use it all out of one pay).

Sorry I have totally waffled on here, I'm so hurt by it all. We have had a really rough year and split up a few times. I'm starting to realise that all his issues are coming from money and i just don't get it as I buy everything he needs and he is more than happy for me to earn more. He says it doesn't bother him and he wished I earned much more as he has no ambition to get promotion but knows I do.

[StormTreader]

"And after this mornings outburst the then demanded I hand over half the holiday he has paid for. "

I'm even more sure now that he has hidden debt that hes trying to extort money out of you to pay.

[rolex142]

Thanks all

He has said he didn't mean what he said but hasn't made any attempt at an apology or making it up to me. Just thinks it's reasonable behaviour. Getting my shit together and plan to work and save hard. Get some cash behind me and hopefully a good job in my home country.

All my family are back home and that's what my son needs, he only has his dad and I here and no other family - funnily enough my husband has cut all his ties with his family as they are all like minded, pig-headed and full of themselves. They all know best and he could never deal with confrontation with them so he cut them out his life a long time ago. They are dicks so I was happy lol. It seems tho that he takes all his anger out on me tho as he so kindly told me a few weeks ago, there's no one else to take it out on.... I'll let him think things are fine if that's what he wants and I'll get my plan in order. Thanks for all the advice

[Mummyoflittledragon]

That sounds like a good plan. The only thing I’d be concerned about is him blocking this and forcing you to bring your ds back. I do appreciate its still a uk country. I think you should get legal advice and find what evidence you need to build a case that he isn’t an attentive father and therefore the move will benefit your ds.

[LakieLady]

That sounds like a good plan Rolex.

I agree with Mummyoflittledragon that getting legal advice now would be a good idea. You need to be sure that you don't inadvertently do anything that might jeopardise your share of the equity in the house or enable him to make it difficult for you to move away with your child.

[Greyponcho]

Keep kowtowing, smiling and apologising to his face - get yourself organised and ditch him.
Don’t forget to clear browsing histories, cookies and saved usernames/passwords from electronic devices he may have access to, even your phone - can’t risk him catching on to what you’re doing