Neighbor does not greet or talk to me - WWYD?

[Flyingfish2019]

I live in a rural neighborhood. Most people are quite friendly.

One of our neighbors is a man in his forties. Like us he likes to ride and like us he has dogs. I often meet him while riding or while walking the dogs, our dogs like his but he seems to have a deep dislike of them. I have no idea why.

I always greet and say something like “nice weather today, isn’t it?“ him but he never gives an answer. In fact he acts as if he didn’t even notice me.

Actually he talked to me only once and it was to tell me that one of our sons needed to wear his cap. It was winter... and yes, he was right, but our son didn’t like wearing his cap and had taken it off without me noticing...

I never discussed him with the other neighbors. I do not want to be a gossip.

I wonder if I should ask him why he doesn’t talk to me. I mean I do not want to be his friend and actually even avoid some places because I know he likes to walk his dogs there. I just think it would be polite if he said something like “Yes, very nice weather but I think it might rain tomorrow“ when we meet.

I think it’s a countryside/city thing. It’s the done thing for countryside folk to chat with neighbours when they pass each other whilst out for a walk with their dogs. I live in a city; no eye contact with neighbours isn’t anything unusual at all. If there’s no connection between you at all, then it’s perfectly acceptable to ignore each other.

Pay it no mind, OP, he clearly has no wish to be friendly, which is his right.

How long have you lived there? If the answer is less than three generations, then you may have your answer.

Smile, say "Hello", carry on with your day.

I live next to really rude neighbours. Just as well as I've had to call police on them a few times. I did make an effort to smile and be friendly at the start, but they literally blanked me. I dislike unfriendly people. No need for it. Basic manners costs nothing.

I can't see any evidence he's got Asperger's or anything else.
He doesn't like your dogs because they're not fully trained. Maybe he's trying to train his dog and they are interupting that.
He thinks you're a bit undisciplined, hence the comment about your son's hat.
His walks are his free time and he's entitled to spend it peacefully. He doesn't have to speak to people he doesn't like. Let him be.

Just because your dogs like his maybe his are dog aggressive, reactive or don’t like being approached. One of mines is always on a leash for this reason.

One of my neighbours is an older gentlemen who isn’t great at social communication, his sister told me he has MH issues. He does his garden, smiles sometimes & waves at the kids. I’m not about to force him to like us or be bothered that that’s just how he is. I’ll continue to smile and wave as that’s his comfort level.

I just think... well... that it is rude not to say something when you meet your neighbor.

I think you're more rude than him actually. He has made it very clear that he doesn't want to talk to you and you keep badgering him by talking to him. The reason why doesn't matter, you'll never find out and that's fine. Not everyone has to like you.

MsMaisel

OP...my dog is a chihuahua. She isn’t loud (apart from with the postman) and ignores other dogs and people when we are out - though she does like when people stop and stroke her. Your dogs shouldn’t be barking and annoying people all the time.

I think that both responses are abnormal.

For whatever reason he can't work up a "yep, it's windy" (dull as fuck conversation tbf).

For whatever reason OP and the others on this thread who would "confront" the issue have very unsubtle understanding of social niceties also.

Those of us in the middle: oh right, he's not really a small talk person, I won't push it.

To be honest I think you’re being a bit rude pushing it. He has made it clear he doesn’t want to exchange pleasantries for whatever reason so just leave him alone.
It’s nothing you’ve done just accept it for what it is.

The post where you said you didn't understand why he would build a house next to an old family house and then not talk to them, says everything.

I grew up in the countryside where we always said hello and live in an area where most of us chat to each other, thats normal but most people can recognise that outsiders aren't always so friendly and some people have issues with communication no matter where they're from.

Then there's people who don't have much going on in their world so they tend to overstep with the neighbours to try to create some drama... You're obsessing over the uncommunicative neighbour, getting all riled up that he doesn't respond as you wish. You're sitting there wondering why he moved next to people he doesn't want to talk to!

He didn't move there for your company. It's not about you. You sound very overbearing and I suspect that the negativity you hold for him (how dare he move here!!) and obsession you have for engaging him comes across in your body language which is making him think you'll be at his front door if he engages with you.

Just leave the poor man alone. Whether he's autistic or just creeped out, he doesn't want to talk to you, he doesn't owe you anything. Stop wasting energy thinking about it.

To be honest I never thought that he might have aspergers or something like this. It just didn’t ever occur to me that this might be the case. Now that you mentioned it. It COULD be the case but I do not think it is likely... he does not appear to be scared or stressed or confused... to be honest he comes across snobby. He comes across as a person who thinks “Iam so much better then you. I do not even notice you“. If this really is what he is thinking. I do not know.
Sometimes I do not have great self esteem so of course that makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me.

For those calling me names because I did not think of mental health. My dh has ptsd. He struggles with crowds. Sometimes he doesn’t feel like going out.
He hates having people in his back at the grocery store. His typical reaction is giving them a wide smile. The more scared he is the wider his smile.
He also chews gum... or lights a cigarette when a crowd scares him.

Now would you think that the guy who smiles at you is scared and wants you to take a step back? No? I guess not, because you cannot read minds and dh would we be daft to expect you to.
Would you ask a person who smokes in a non smoker section to stop or would you think that may be the person has ptsd and needs it.

We just cannot assume that most people we meet have some kind of mental illness and people with different kind of mental illness are triggered by different things.

I know people with ptsd who are triggered by BBQ and one who was triggered by the smell of popcorn, a lot who were triggered by festive decorations, several who were triggered by the bang of a door.

You cannot avoid anything that might trigger a person and you cannot always know when a person is triggered by something. Dh smiles when triggered. How are people supposed to know he is stressed.

Of course: when I realize something I do stresses or triggers person of course I will not continue doing it... but this gentleman not seem to be stressed or scared at all.

Honest to God woman.

You cannot tell if someone has autism or not just by looking at them, seeing them a few times... not everyone with autism will look scared, just as not everyone with PTSD will smile.

One of my good friends acts just as you describe, as if she thinks she’s above anyone who says hello to her. She doesn’t. She is crippled by her autism and a couple of other things and it’s all she can do to leave her house. She is terrified of anyone other than me talking to her when we are out...but you wouldn’t know that. She’s frequently described as a snobby, icy or other far ruder things. I don’t correct them because she prefers people to think that, than pity her, or far worse, try to talk to her.

I have a few friends with autism. Guess what? Every single one of them is different. Weird huh? It’s almost exactly like people without autism 🤷🏻‍♀️

🙄

I live in the SE of England. This is how everyone treats every neighbour they have ever had

This sort of shit grinds my gears.

I live in the South East now, I used to live in London. My parents are Geordies. I’ve travelled all over the world. Yes, in Newcastle people are very warm, you’re everyone’s Pet and it’s lovely. Down south people aren’t quite as effusive, but if you smile & say hello, people smile and say hello back.

I have moved around the SE and I have never had neighbours who don’t say hello and mostly we’ve all got on really well. Mostly people you’d do a favour for, take parcels in, babysit in an emergency. Some who became proper friends.

So, instead of perpetuating this stupid myth, try being friendly. It works.

But honestly. Yes, some people have autism but must we always assume/act like everybody we meet has autism?

My guess would be that there are 100 times more people who are snobby and think they are better than everybody else than people with autism.

Do you assume that everybody who smiles at you when you are standing behind him has ptsd is freaked out by people standing behind him and is feeling scared. No? Can I call you a bully please?

It is okay people told me he MIGHT have autism. I think it is not very likely but I will think about this... but calling me a bully because you have a loved one with autism is not okay.

Are you going to stop annoying the man, OP? I really hope so, because you’re annoying the fuck out of me and I don’t even know you.

@S1naidsucks Feel welcome to leave my thread if you feel like this. He is by the way very welcome to avoid me... just as i am trying to avoid him.
All I ever “did“ to him is a) I exist b) I say “hello“ if I run into him and c) I say a few words about the weather from time to time when I cannot get away from him (for example because we both had to wait as I tried to open a gate that wasn’t easy to open on a way).

He is living his life how he wants. Not everyone likes small talk. I get anxious if people try to talk to me. It's not being rude it's how I am, we all function diferently Leave the guy alone he is not there to entertain you.

I do not want him to entertain me. I just feel that he treats me as if there is something deeply wrong with me (not talking to me but having a go at me because my son was not wearing a cap) without saying at least hello... and then leaving without waiting for my answer.

I think this is disrespectful to lecture me about this and not even wait what I have to say.

Sorry to be that honest but that hurt my feelings and I felt very disrespected and still think of this whenever I meet him.

Feel welcome to leave my thread if you feel like this.

I’m sure the poor guy feels exactly the same about you. I’m he wishes you’d leave him alone. You’ve had numerous posters give you reasons, as to why he doesn’t speak to you, but it’s all about how YOU feel. Leave the poor man alone. If this was a man posting about a woman refusing to interact with them, he’d be told he’s coming across as a creepy fucker.

*I’m sure he wishes

Going by your first post it didn't sound like he was being disrespectful. Nor did it sound like he was lecturing. It was a passing comment most people would forget instantly. You however sound very disrespectfull for not accepting that the guy functions differently to you.

Give him a resting bitch faced smile and be on your way. Why are you worrying?

I do leave him alone. In fact I do avoid him. I do not go to some of my favourite places very often anymore because I know he is always there walking the dogs. Both dh and me try to avoid him. When we see him coming we both try to go in a different direction but it is not always possible.
All I ever do to him is say “hello“ if I run into him and maybe say something about the weather. I do not expect an answer that is longer than two seconds.