To wish they’d stick to the bloody gift list (wedding)!?!?

[ArchieRevival]

DP and I get married next week.

We’ve been very considerate- put on all transport- invited kids- tailored food/drinks to personal preferences...etc.

Gifts are not expected, not at all and I was very clear about that. However we put together a small honeymoon gift list (ranging from £5-£100) and asked that anyone who did want to buy us something either select from the list- or make a charitable donation to our selected dementia charity.

DP and I live in a city centre terrace with limited space and are are TTC. We make a huge effort to avoid waste (random plastic tat) and generally dontate the majority of Christmas/birthday gunk to charity shops. The LAST thing I want to return from honeymoon to, is a load of generic gift crap.

Today I heard that my Uncle (the worst offender for gift gunk) has ignored our requests and instead had a A1 size murial artwork commissioned 😡😒 all I know is that it includes our wedding date and according to my mum is ‘...very bold’- which is her code for bloody awful!

I do not want this. I will not display this and I’m already struggling to fake gratuity for this unwanted item!

Why would anybody think that buying somebody else a large gaudy artwork rather than something they actually asked for is appropriate?

I’ve threatened not to send a Thank You card - obviously I will - but It’s really upset me that he couldn’t just respect our wishes!

Fully willing to be told AIBU.... but REALLY?

YANBU but you kind of have to suck it up

Any chance of being pleasantly surprised?

Birthday gunk sounds messy 🤣

Who’s the artist? My aunt was going to do something similar for my cousin (and for free) and she kicked off so it was cancelled — but then she regretted it when she realised her mum knew a top artist (he has work at the Tate; aunt knows him through his mum).

It’s always very tricky when someone foists their artistic tastes onto your home. I’m always very careful to not buy my friends anything ornamental for the home for this reason.

Seeing that it’s very personal to you I guess you can’t regift. So maybe wait till you see it and make a decision then. You can either store it or perhaps repurpose it. The artwork could be cut down for example to a smaller size.

Yanbu, art is so subjective!!!

Murial are you Hilda Ogden?

Ah, I hear you, but I think you will actually look at it fondly when you dig it out of the back of a cupboard in 40 years’ time.

Ha ha, wait till you have a baby, you'll be stuck with all sorts.

I think having a list gives people the idea you're happy with any present.

I completely sympathise. The fact is, though, gifts are voluntary so he doesn't have to follow your suggestion.

BUT accepting gifts is also voluntary. I suggest you thank him as politely as you know how but explain there is no way it will fit in your house and ask him to keep it for you at his house.

The trick is to be as thick skinned as he is, remain impeccably polite, but refuse to let it through your door.

Murial suggest he gets you a trio of flying ducks to complete the "look"

We had a gift list, standard setting up a house things but my mum had the list and we didn't include a card in the invites. We were given some gifts that were not to our taste and remind us of the folk that gave them. A wooden clock in the shape of Scotland, one of those pictures of a waterfalls that you get in restaurants, they light up and the water looks like it's moving, and a bright red object d'art (this was on the box). We never displayed the things we didn't like but kept them for a while.

YABU in that it’s a gift and you don’t get to dictate what gives a person wishes to give.

@Teddy

The Artist is a friend of my Aunt.
If you knew my Aunt/Uncle you’d rate the chances of this artist being Banksy around the same as Donald Trump winning America’s Next Top Model 😒

Gunk 😂

Ooh! sheshootsheimplores has given me an idea: if you can't bring yourself to refuse it, cut it up into as many pieces as there are guests, frame them all and send them to your guests as a souvenir, keeping the bit with the date on for yourselves.

DH's sister did this. We had a gift list including small items (photo frames, mugs) to other items (a perfect crueset casserole dish), honeymoon "vouchers" for cocktails, dinner, etc and the option to donate to Marie Curie (my DM passed away 3 months prior to our wedding at a MC hospice)

SIL called to ask if she could pay towards flowers or something like that - no thanks, all paid for.
She didn't want to buy the casserole dish "not a present from your sister" (although it was fine for DH's brother to buy)
She didn't want to donate to Marie Curie "it's not really a wedding gift from your sister"

We ended up with a picnic basket full of items for 4 people on a picnic.
It's lovely, but in the 2 years we have been married (and 4 years we were together before that) we have never been on a bloody picnic! It now collects dust in the garage!

(The casserole dish gets used on a weekly basis!)

Forgot to add YANBU - I would be a mixture of and

People do it to be remembered. In 20 years time you won’t stand a chance of remembering who gave you the cake forks on your list but Uncle Bob’s Art will stand out.

DP just offered ‘well it might come in a very nice frame’ which would be a decent point ... but rather hopeful I’m afraid!

This is always a risk you run with things like weddings I suppose.

I always used the gift list if there was one and think that that is common sense, but I'm afraid you can't compel people to use it and you probably get some like your uncle who go off-piste.

It doesn't sound like something I would choose, but unfortunately I don't think you will have much choice but to be gracious about it and then try to hide it away in a cupboard or behind furniture.

Perhaps if no money has yet changed hands your mother could quietly tell him that this wouldn't be your style and she thinks you would prefer vouchers to whatever value he wishes to spend so that you can buy the remaining items on your list, or other things you need. Or simply to donate to your chosen charity.

It could be tricky to find a tactful way of saying it though, so I'd be nervous of going down that route.

I also find it a bit embarrassing as DP’s family all seem very capable of respecting our wishes...whilst mine are less conformist 😬.

@top - I believe it’s already bought and paid for!

The other thing I’ve found very frustrating is how many people are now saying ‘well we didn’t realise their was a gift list’ 😡 it’s on the website (included in all the invitations)!!! And it’s also the first thing that comes up on google if you run our names and wedding date in!

You sound ungrateful.

If you genuinely didn't want gifts then why have a gift list? I've known a few couples to say no gifts but then provide an 'if you must' gift list. It confuses me and others. I will usually get something from their list but I know others who have bought something not on the list.