To wish they’d stick to the bloody gift list (wedding)!?!?

[ArchieRevival]

DP and I get married next week.

We’ve been very considerate- put on all transport- invited kids- tailored food/drinks to personal preferences...etc.

Gifts are not expected, not at all and I was very clear about that. However we put together a small honeymoon gift list (ranging from £5-£100) and asked that anyone who did want to buy us something either select from the list- or make a charitable donation to our selected dementia charity.

DP and I live in a city centre terrace with limited space and are are TTC. We make a huge effort to avoid waste (random plastic tat) and generally dontate the majority of Christmas/birthday gunk to charity shops. The LAST thing I want to return from honeymoon to, is a load of generic gift crap.

Today I heard that my Uncle (the worst offender for gift gunk) has ignored our requests and instead had a A1 size murial artwork commissioned 😡😒 all I know is that it includes our wedding date and according to my mum is ‘...very bold’- which is her code for bloody awful!

I do not want this. I will not display this and I’m already struggling to fake gratuity for this unwanted item!

Why would anybody think that buying somebody else a large gaudy artwork rather than something they actually asked for is appropriate?

I’ve threatened not to send a Thank You card - obviously I will - but It’s really upset me that he couldn’t just respect our wishes!

Fully willing to be told AIBU.... but REALLY?

What is a wedding website for exactly? Don't most people just look at the invites...

@pc

Yeah they do but there’s too much information to cram onto it.

The website has stuff like -
Directions/parking
Dress code
Menu/dietary requirements
Disability access
Local accommodation
Gift list

We went to four weddings last year, each had a website, I think it’s standard practise

@jaffa - well 95% disagree with you 😬 bet you’ve commissioned a few art works and bought a few giant novelty chopping boards!

Wow, no one in my circle seems to feel the need to provide quite that much information.
We all seem to manage to find the weddings regardless.

@pc

We have family coming in from all over the country and many are traveling with small children. We also have several disabled guests. There really is demand for more information. I think the days of ‘grapevine/assumptions/phone trees’ is long gone. Appreciate that may work for your circles but it’s NOT the standard or norm in ours

Mural: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mural

Murial: www.spellchecker.net/misspellings/murial

Muriel: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muriel%27s_Wedding

the only acceptable response to a gift is thank you whats wrong with you ?

gifts are not nessisary, but a registry and charitable fund are available at ‘website link
gifts are not necessary but ill make a list anway and if you dont get me a gift from the list ill go on mumsnet and moan

I feel your pain OP. We got married this year and stated very clearly from the off ( on invitations and the website - very much a thing these days, sorry!-) that there were to be no presents. We'd been together ten years up to that point, we have a house, a mortgage and a cat. I hate clutter and waste and we had everything we needed.

I was not expecting the avalanche of requests for a gift list. It became quite tiresome after a while fending off questions from parents as to what they could tell aunty Susan to buy us. We kept saying we want for nothing, please do not buy us gifts.

I simply couldn't understand why people felt so awkward obeying a simple request. We were honestly pleased to be paying for them to come and celebrate with us. We had the wedding in central London as that was the most convenient for travel for 95% of the guests. All we wanted was to dance and have fun with our nearest and dearest.

In the end a lot of people gave us money. Or Champagne.
But dear lord the amount of photo frames, ornamental boxes, glasses, lamps ( lamps!!) we received. They went straight to the charity shop once the thank you cards had gone out. It felt ridiculous, pointless and wasteful but I am unrepentant. Asking for no gifts isn't some sort of secret code for "please give us presents that we are too shy to ask for"

Giving a gift when you have been asked specifically not to makes the giving all about you. Which really fucks me off.

It seems odd to have people coming to your wedding that you don't speak to often enough to chat about those issues personally.

If you're giving your guests such an avalanche of information it seems natural that your gift list may get overlooked. But then I think gift lists are bloody awful anyway.

Giving a gift when you have been asked specifically not to makes the giving all about you. Which really fucks me off.
not really relevant though this op wants gifts the gifts on her gift list

... which has been put together under pressure from people because they wouldn't listen to the requests for no gifts.

Buy a same sized piece and frame it on top of the mural... if he ever visits remove the front art for a bit

Is it wrong that I’m hoping another guest gives the OP a set of flying ducks to go on the wall with her murial??

Blackprism has the right idea. Joan Miro did something similar- painted over a crap picture a friend sent him (friend tongue was in cheek). Find a local artist and let rip!

@flumpybear a decanter?

Definitely not being unreasonable!

It is massively presumptuous. ...why on earth do you want ...you don't. .. ornamental crap that is not to your taste where you've clearly requested no gifts /charity donations ??

As you say....more about them and their need to provide a GIFT at ALL COSTS!

OP gets the kind of wedding she wants. The guests get to give the kind of gift they want. No one gets to decide for anyone else.

It’s pretty crass to complain on and on about the cost of feeding your guests and their execrable taste in “gift gunk” and “plastic tat”. Maybe the guests will feel equally out of place and unwelcome.

Just don’t sweat the small stuff, OP. You’re rich enough that it doesn’t matter what you get or if you get anything at all. So donate it, move on and stop fuming about other people not having your good taste!

We had a gift list, all reasonable things you need for a home because we truly had absolutely nothing. Dh had been a student living with flat mates before we moved in together. I lived abroad (long distance relationship) and had to sell/donate all my things to charity shops as I couldn’t afford to ship them. We survived with one pot and a few plates and a mattress (bought on credit) on the floor for the first 3 months we lived together before our wedding. Most guests were really thoughtful and did actually buy us things off the list that we genuinely needed or just gave cash. One guest though bought us a massive shisha pipe and some shisha! Neither of us has ever smoked shisha and I’m asthmatic so I couldn’t even if I ever actually wanted to.

I dont think you are being unreasonable. My brother bought me 2 bronze statues of (particularly ugly) Chinese looking dogs which were about a meter tall. He decided as brother of the bride that he didnt want to get something off the list. Fair enough, his choice.
We were 20 and just bought a tiny flat. Those dogs never seen the light of day and unfortunately got lost when we moved house. It has made a good family joke however.

OP please come back to this thread after the wedding to update us all on how hideous the painting is!

I should write a thank you note and bite your tongue. This is what people are like.

However, you are under no obligation whatsoever to display a piece of unsolicited art in your home. Don’t feel any conscience in consigning the monstrosity to the attic.

Clearly a shit present as he’s expecting you to devote your wall to it.
My friend went the other way and specified she wanted me to crochet her a blanket for her wedding, as she liked one I made for a baby. The wedding was last year and I’m still bloody making it...
Can you please post a pic of the uncle’s art when you get it?