To wish they’d stick to the bloody gift list (wedding)!?!?

[ArchieRevival]

DP and I get married next week.

We’ve been very considerate- put on all transport- invited kids- tailored food/drinks to personal preferences...etc.

Gifts are not expected, not at all and I was very clear about that. However we put together a small honeymoon gift list (ranging from £5-£100) and asked that anyone who did want to buy us something either select from the list- or make a charitable donation to our selected dementia charity.

DP and I live in a city centre terrace with limited space and are are TTC. We make a huge effort to avoid waste (random plastic tat) and generally dontate the majority of Christmas/birthday gunk to charity shops. The LAST thing I want to return from honeymoon to, is a load of generic gift crap.

Today I heard that my Uncle (the worst offender for gift gunk) has ignored our requests and instead had a A1 size murial artwork commissioned 😡😒 all I know is that it includes our wedding date and according to my mum is ‘...very bold’- which is her code for bloody awful!

I do not want this. I will not display this and I’m already struggling to fake gratuity for this unwanted item!

Why would anybody think that buying somebody else a large gaudy artwork rather than something they actually asked for is appropriate?

I’ve threatened not to send a Thank You card - obviously I will - but It’s really upset me that he couldn’t just respect our wishes!

Fully willing to be told AIBU.... but REALLY?

I think a gift list is cheeky, if you didn't want gifts then you should have stuck to your charity donation idea without the list of presents.

Would not have worked with my late mum.

It is a Wedding, therefore a Gift must be Bought and Given, to give you an idea of her thinking. No to vouchers, or simply cash, but a proper Gift, all wrapped and with a Card.

Me? I'd be putting a charity donation in.

I think it sounds like he wants to do something 'special' for you. Especially poignant as you have recently lost your dm.
I think it's a lovely heartfelt gesture.

It's annoying, but also funny. The uncle probably thinks he's being amazingly kind and thoughtful by commissioning a personalised mural, and imagines you and DP will be absolutely delighted.

@TheCanterburyWhales - the bonkers relative i offered a gift back to is a regular visitor, so it was explain why we’re getting rid of it or display it forever. She’s also somebody I knew well enough to think she wouldn’t be offended.

Once a gift has been received and enjoyed, it’s served its purpose. Fine to get rid of it after that.

@glitterfart- I love that suggestion!

We made a list after having so many ‘well we MUST get you something so what would you like?’ messages from people.

We thought that a simple list of honeymoon things (good range of prices) or a charity donation, would be straight toward!

*forward

Suck it up, send a thank you card, then bin it. View it as no gift.

It's annoying, but I made myself give houseroom to things that weren't on our wedding list, that invariably are always decorative rather than practical (no one ever goes off list and buys something useful like a casserole dish, it's always painting/oraments/clocks/candles, at a push, champagne) for 12 years. I've snapped last year and binned them. I don't like these things, I wouldn't pick them for my house and they are things to be displayed, rather than put in a drawer and used.

It's incredibly presumptious to decide how someone else's house should be decorated. It's perfectly ok to not keep it. You don't have to.

If people are upset about their gift not being treasured, then they should make an effort to only buy things they know the couple will want/use, rather than they think the couple should want.

Art gallery in the loft?

YANBU- people who buy massive art for others are utterly lacking any self awareness -charity shop it.

Why should the op be grateful?
That someone has wasted money on something she doesn’t want?
Why do some people seem to think that others have the right to dictate what you have in your house?

Does the uncle ever come to your house? Will he know if you just bin it?

Murial grin are you Hilda Ogden?

Exactly what I was thinking . Hoping that was a typo!!

Love glitterfart's idea too. I wouldn't paint over it every year though, I'd have it white and the children add a bit every year so it gradually fills up and you have a record from birth to 18 of each of them. Maybe adding to it could be part of the specialness of birthdays? You could do height charts on one side, with baby foot/handprints there, and gradually spread across and up until on each 18th they do the last bit.

My dd is helping to paint a large mural in a place down the road. She has a beautiful little robin, and is now doing a magnificent peacock. I now wish that I'd had a mad uncle and a glitterfart around when I got married.

Put it in the attic,never to be seen again

I found this too OP!
I got some random plastic chopping boards, measuring jugs, cutlery ect that I just didn't need, and ended up donating.

"Stick to the list. Always stick to the list" Ross Geller, October 2000

Oops, I mean 'we'! 'We', not 'I'!!

You’re terrible, Muriel!

Why would anybody think that buying somebody else a large gaudy artwork rather than something they actually asked for is appropriate?

Omg we were also given a very ‘bold’ piece of art off someone as a wedding present when we had said no gifts. We displayed it-grudgingly -for a couple of years so the giver could see it when they occasionally visited. We then stuffed it in the garage for a decade where it unfortunately became damaged. I have no idea if they think we have it up in our bedroom or if they’ve figured out that we have gotten rid of it but frankly I don’t care.

I would assume that your uncle is giving this gift because he thinks it’s a fabulous thing to give. Just accept it graciously and move on. There are bigger things to get annoyed about...

My DH and I got married without telling anyone. We then had lots of different low key celebrations with different groups of family and friends. We saved a bomb, had no stress, had an excuse for lots of lovely intimate catch ups with friends and family and didn’t get given any crap gifts.

If I’m honest- brutally honest (the type I would only ever be online)

My uncle likes to be centre of attention and I doubt he actually thinks we’ll love it, so much as he wants a talking point to bring attention to himself throughout the wedding day/aftermath!

It’s annoying as I don’t really want to gush about his ‘lovely’ gift as I think it just plays into him bringing the spotlight back to himself. I don’t like/want it but I’m too polite to say so!

Last Christmas him and my aunt made my DP and I gift baskets of toiletries (despite knowing we have allergies and can never use generic toiletries) because they like making the gift baskets 🙄

Why should I be polite about gifts that are not for me!?!?

It's your wedding day. You really don't need to worry about not being the centre of attention.

OP, can you please please please tell what honeymoon gifts are?

Just say thanks and put it somewhere out of sight if it's so shit. The world won't end.

It might be really nice

I agree entirely. When I married DH I had never met his brother, who lived abroad, and had done so for more than 10 years. . He had never seen our house, or seen our taste. He bought us a decoupage picture . I hated it, and DH hated it Never hung it on a wall. It stayed in the loft until it went to a charity shop. I would have been happier with teatowels. .. I ended up feeling guily about getting rid of something I loathed on site.

I can understand you might choose to buy something reasonably generic.. but Art ? No!

I would never give someone a gift that I don't think they'd want. I go to great trouble to give them something I think they'll genuinely like. I imagine most people do. Which is giving from a good place even if that is not the same as giving them precisely and only what they've asked for.

Presumably I have given the 'wrong' gifts to people but not intentionally. I didn't realise that I was only allowed to hand over gifts that were pre-authorised by the recipient!! (and shan't take any notice of this new rule in the future).

Presumably he won't equate commissioning artwork with 'not considering your wishes? He thinks he's being kind ergo you are being ungrateful. I know that you think the uncle might be using it as part of his me!me!me! show, but in principle it is the spirit of giving you should thank them for as they must think you will love it if they're showing it off to family already.

And then stick it anywhere you like/dispose of it/hide it well out of sight. Your uncle might be happy to display it for you at his house until you get a bigger place perhaps as he's probably the only person who would enjoy looking at it! Or else stick it in a skip or a terrible accident could befall it... The possibilities are endless, but I think you should be gracious.

Enjoy your wedding day by the way x