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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:

Bayleyf · 17/05/2019 18:45

Totally fine, as long as you let people know what to expect in advance.

People will be there for you, not the free booze. Obviously it's lovely if you can provide it, but not a problem if you don't!

Ragwort · 17/05/2019 18:46

I suggest you at least have a welcome glass of bubbly, and do make it very clear to guests that they will be buying their own drinks. Not sure how you word it though ... personally I would always want to treat my guests ..could you not host an informal buffet and drinks at home?

Merryoldgoat · 17/05/2019 18:47

I’d be worried about logistics myself - you’d have a load of separate bills etc. and I think it would get messy.

How many people is it for? What’s your Reception budget?

UnicornBrexit · 17/05/2019 18:50

TBH with you, I haven't been to a fully funded reception in years. It's very much a thing of the past.

Merryoldgoat · 17/05/2019 18:50

What I can’t stand is ‘nonsense’ so I have zero issue paying for my drinks, but if the restaurant isn’t equipped, doesn’t do tabs, gets drinks confused on the bills etc. I’d get fucked off. Properly organised it’s fine. I’d really want to give guests a welcome drink though.

BlueMerchant · 17/05/2019 18:54

Just paying for food would be fine.
I really wouldn't expect you to pay for drinks too. I wouldn't feel able to relax and I'd feel I had to be careful with my intake if I thought someone else was footing the drinks bill.

churchthecat · 17/05/2019 18:56

We went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago where no drink was provided at all and I must admit it was talked about. Everyone was saying they'd never been to a wedding breakfast where at least wine wasn't provided.

Can you cut down elsewhere to at least provide bottled for the tables?

Evening reception with bar is fair game, people often have to buy drinks. But it was a bit weird to go to the meal and not have alcohol provided. Especially as people had all paid a lot in travel and hotel costs to be there.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 17/05/2019 18:56

Tbh I've never heard of all drinks being paid for outside of MN.

LolaSmiles · 17/05/2019 18:57

I've never been to a fully funded all drinks in wedding. It's typical to have fizz on arrival and some wine on the table with the food, but after that guests pay their own.

Personally, not covering any drinks at all would seem a bit cheap to me but there's no expectation these days to cover all drinks.

churchthecat · 17/05/2019 18:59

Oh no, I agree of course it's fine to have guests pay at the bar for the reception.

But I think you need to provide toasting fizz/wine for a sit down meal.

Happynow001 · 17/05/2019 19:03

What about a couple of bottles of wine on each table, then strictly cash paid by guests as they go along afterwards (so you don't have to pay for any accidental defaulters after the meal). But make that clear go both venue and guests.

Lakefront · 17/05/2019 19:04

I think that sounds totally reasonable. I would expect to pay for my own drinks at wedding as would most people I know. Enjoy your day.

rookiemere · 17/05/2019 19:11

I sometimes feel i'm in a parallel universe to most mumsnetters. I've never been to a wedding (apart from a religious one in Norn Ireland) where drink was not provided. Usually bubbly at reception, haldf a bottle of wine per person on the table with dinner and more bubbly for the toasts.

You don't need to provide loads, but imho guests need at least a glass with the meal and some fizz for toasting. If the wine at the restaurant is expensive, ask if they could charge corkage instead if you buy your own - may work out less expensive.

MissBridgetJones · 17/05/2019 19:13

Totally fine, but a 1/2 a bottle of wine per person on a table would be a nice gesture.

Look at whether the restaurant will let you bring your own wine, and charge you corkage? You pick up amazing offers on decent wine in supermarkets. Then pay a corkage for the bottle may mean you could pay out around £14 a bottle (£6-7.50 on a bottle and £6.00 corkage. Worth an ask!

A house bottle of plonk where I live is £18 in a restaurant x

MaverickSnoopy · 17/05/2019 19:20

We went to a restaurant who did an offer of a 3 course meal and half a bottle of wine for a set price. We got everyone to pre order their food and then made it clear that this was what was covered. We also put a few bottles of sparkling water on the table. We didn't have large numbers and so it was easy to communicate.

Just as a side note, we didn't tell the restaurant the reason for the booking which meant that they didn't charge us a premium. We didn't want any bells and whistles anyway. We did however take the email correspondence for the booking which it turned out we needed.

Original poster

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 19:26

Can you cut down elsewhere to at least provide bottled for the tables?

Registry office wedding, standard formal evening type dress for less than £100 (as in not an actual wedding dress), cheapest photographer we can find and an M&S cake. Not sure where or what else we can cut down on

OP posts:

Shelbybear · 17/05/2019 19:27

It might get messy with the bill and be bit awkward. See if you can get a fixed price deal with a restaurant for the meal. Maybe even drinks if you can get it as part of the package. It's not unreasonable though if you can't afford the drinks too. Your guests will be happy to be there for your day and would be used to paying for drinks at most weddings.

Ideally if it was a big restaurant they might have a bar and folk cld go to the bar to get additional drinks and just pay there and then.

Monestasi · 17/05/2019 19:27

TBH with you, I haven't been to a fully funded reception in years. It's very much a thing of the past

I have never ever been to a wedding where the guests were meant to pay for their own drinks. My own included. I cringe at the thought.

Only on mumsnet have I heard of this oddity.

TildaTurnip · 17/05/2019 19:30

As long as it is clear on invite (‘bar accepts cash and cards’) I think it is absolutely fine.

Ihatehashtags · 17/05/2019 19:30

@rookiemere I’m with you! I’ve never been to a wedding where everything wasn’t paid for! Weird. I live in Australia

Jon65 · 17/05/2019 19:32

I really don't understand where people are coming from on here sometimes. It is lovely to receive an invite to share in a couples wedding day and I really don't think most people give a hoot whether there's wine on the table or a welcome drink. It's about getting married not how much you spend.

Hotseat · 17/05/2019 19:36

No YANBU, but I would check with restaurant first as most don't do a running bar. They will not be equipped with enough change for individual orders unless given a heads up. I would offer glass of wine with meal perhaps.

Redglitter · 17/05/2019 19:38

I've never been to a wedding where all.the drinks are paid for. Every wedding I've been to has had a drink on arrival, wine with dinner then a drink for the toast. After that you're on your own.

mollyblack · 17/05/2019 19:40

Agree with others, no one expects fully free booze now but if you can a) stretch toa few bottle of wine for the table and b) let them know to expect to buy drinks that would be nice. But if not I think totally fine to say BYO drinks.

churchthecat · 17/05/2019 19:40

I'm not being obtuse, but the wedding I went to recently was the first I'd ever been to (out of about 20) where there was no table wine or fizz provided.

I'm sure from what people are saying it is a thing, but I've never come across it! The weddings are rarely very fancy, but wine and bubbles have always been provided.

I think at the very least you should provide a welcome drink and toasting drink.

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