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Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:
wibbletooth · 17/05/2019 21:36

Talk to the restaurant, say you have a tiny budget and do they have any suggestions on how to stretch it so that you could offer a drink or two... that the guests will mostly buy their own (ie they will be serving plenty of other drinks to make a profit on!) but you’d like to have something on arrival and as a toast.

So maybe they could do jugs of (fake) Pimms on arrival (Aldi do a reasonable one very cheaply) or punch or sangria etc which work out much more cheaply than wine or fizz, especially if you get them to serve in smaller glasses. Likewise Aldi or similar do some great cheap Prosecco or other cheap fizz that they might let you pay corkage on and work out on the basis of half a glass per person rather than a full glass (again point out this is great for them as it means they will be selling more drinks to the guests).

If you don’t talk to them you’ll never know what they can or can’t do for you. They might be money focussed so not do anything helpful. But they might take pity on you and have some good ideas.

Oh and hopefully people on here from the hospitality industry might have some good ideas you could suggest too.

If you do go for wine on the table make sure they put their smallest wine glasses out so people can’t pour out lots too.

delilahbucket · 17/05/2019 21:39

We are also on a budget, so we worked with our venue to create a menu and provide a few drinks for everyone and come in within budget. We've still got an amazing meal, but everyone gets three drinks including prosecco for the toast. Is your venue able to negotiate the menu so you can at least provide a drink for the toast? There's no harm in asking.

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 17/05/2019 21:42

I don't like free bar weddings truth be told. There's usually some idiot who gets too drunk for everybody's good and lots of people take the piss, ordering double and triples and expensive wines they wouldn't if they were paying.

I'm shocked at and would totally uninvite from my imaginary wedding the poster who says cut your cloth by inviting less people and do free booze! Shock it sounds like they're only inviting a few due to cost anyway, imagine having even less people at your wedding than you could have afforded but made the choice to fund fewer people getting pissed!? I'd rather have an invite and buy my own any day off the week and so would your guests I should think.

It does make sense to talk to the restaurant about how best to manage the drinks - some will take people's bank card, give then a number, and they can order drinks to their tab all night, others won't have that set up so will need to do individual bills to be paid cash or card with much to and fro of the waiting staff or customer - clarify that.

The tip will also be a "thing" to consider - can you afford that? Might smooth everything over if you can tip the staff say £30 at the beginning of the night and say "thanks in advance for making sure everybody in my party is looked after tonight!" ... but appreciate that might not be an option.

Do let the restaurant know that nobody.... NOBODY apart from you two will be allowed to put drinks on your tab. It's sickeningly common that people try that one.

Alternative; have you sent out a wedding gift list? Somebody could sponsor the fizz on arrival or wine on tables perhaps?

YetAnotherThing · 17/05/2019 21:45

I went to a fab wedding where we went back to the bride and grooms non-fancy house where they had put a little gazebo in garden and then local curry house delivered masses of food (all Pre-ordered and timed to arrive as we got back). Wine and Beer from majestic. Fairy lights in garden. Was awesome. Summer evening, just great fun.

RottnestFerry · 17/05/2019 21:51

We had our reception in a relative's back garden with party tents we had bought second hand off eBay.

We stocked the bar with wine and fizz bought cheaply from France and special offer beer bought cheaply over the preceding months from supermarkets.

LimeKiwi · 17/05/2019 21:52

I don't like free bar weddings truth be told. There's usually some idiot who gets too drunk

I've only ever been to one and I'm the knobhead who totally took advantage Blush Grin
If it was your wedding I apologise lol

Alaimo · 17/05/2019 21:54

I went to a wedding (friend of DH) where the mean was a buffet in a nice pub. Everyone paid for their own drinks at the bar. Have absolutely zero problem with it. I think if you have a mega expensive wedding but expect guests to pay for all their drinks, it might raise an eyebrow here or there, but if you have a nice, fairly basic wedding I'd like to think everyone completely understands why you're not paying for drinks. As a guest I would like to know in advance (especially if it's a restaurant rather than a pub), so I can make sure I bring cash rather than paying 1/xth by card.

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies · 17/05/2019 21:57

My bro had a reception wedding, then a buffet which I think his friend helped make, they paid for prosecco so everyone could toast etc but I think any other drinks were paid for ourselves. The first might have been on them, I really cant remember. And when my friend did it, we had our first drinks paid for and I can't remember if there was bubbly for toasting or not. I wasn't drinking at either, I just have a shite memory

featherflight · 17/05/2019 21:59

Reception drinks, wine at the table and a glass of sparkling for the toast is a minimum.
I also have only been to weddings where everything is provided (including my own). There may have been one or two where there was a paid bar but that was only at the end of the evening when all the above had been provided.

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/05/2019 22:01

It's your wedding and your friends know your likely budget. I'd never be offended if no drinks were provided. It's the wedding and marriage that count, not getting yourself into debt.

HeckyPeck · 17/05/2019 22:04

It's your wedding and your friends know your likely budget. I'd never be offended if no drinks were provided. It's the wedding and marriage that count, not getting yourself into debt.

Absolutely. Anyone who thinks otherwise should not bother to go!

PlatypusPie · 17/05/2019 22:15

“”
TBH with you, I haven't been to a fully funded reception in years. It's very much a thing of the past.””

Huh ? I’d be very surprised at wedding where the fizz and wine weren’t provided . If in a hotel with a bar, I can see that evening drinks that include spirits may be down to the guest.

My DD got married last year - the venue was a hire only and one brought in caterers and , hooray , no corkage for wine. We ordered in wine, beer and soft drinks on a sale or return basis from Majestic , , paid for by us, and everyone had a good time without getting roaringly drunk, and at a much lower cost than we had anticipated.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 17/05/2019 22:27

I'd be happy to pay for my own alcoholic drinks, but if it's a sit down meal I'd wonder about the logistics of ordering and paying for drinks. Will people be getting up to go to the bar for drinks, or will the restaurant run individual tabs for people? What happens if the tabs don't add up at the end? If it's a buffet it would be no problem.

The 'free bar' weddings I've been to are where one of the parents has put money behind the bar as a wedding present. 2k at one hotel wedding, and it went pretty fast.

flowery · 17/05/2019 22:45

I really think you have to provide a welcome drink, a bit of wine with the meal and fizz for a toast, surely?

One of the nicest weddings I went to was my cousin’s, where they’d hired the local church hall, bought in a load of booze and basically did their own bar. Don’t think we had to pay for a thing, but the cost would not have been high for my aunt and uncle and it was a lovely family wedding.

You don’t need a free bar but if you literally can’t afford any drink is the venue more expensive than you can afford perhaps?

flowery · 17/05/2019 22:47

How many guests are you having that you can’t afford wine on the table etc?

XXVaginaAndAUterus · 17/05/2019 23:56

Can we try to be a bit less of an interrogation maybe? The OP said,

"We don't want to... limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family."

And

"Registry office wedding, standard formal evening type dress for less than £100 (as in not an actual wedding dress), cheapest photographer we can find and an M&S cake. Not sure where or what else we can cut down on"

Let's give her a break, please?

LimeKiwi · 18/05/2019 00:03

XXVaginaAndAUterus

Not sure where people have been harsh on OP, I've just seen people give their opinions.
My sister had a tiny wedding with approx 3 people lol (OK, 15) despite a big family. Despite humphing and what's going on lol.
Each to their own,

mydogisthebest · 18/05/2019 08:05

Well my family are definitely working class and have all had a free bar at their weddings.

My niece got married last year and she had a free bar too so it's not something that no longer exists.

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 08:13

Not expecting gifts and guests are under no obligation to buy an outfit any more than they would be if we asked them out for a birthday meal. Would people seriously expect a "welcome" drink on arrival for a birthday party? I'm not sure why this is any different Confused Yes fine it's after our wedding ceremony but it's still just a meal with some family members with cake for dessert. Tbh we weren't going to bother with a cake but my young stepdaughter insisted.

We're asking the restaurant for a set menu which we will be paying for upfront so the only thing payable on the day would be drinks.

I'm not really sure what people expect us to do - it's a case of cut down the guest list having already told people (to what exactly, just 2 witnesses and that's it?) or invite the less than 20 family members we have and they pay for their own alcohol. Can't go back to our house as it's not big enough for that many people to comfortably fit.

OP posts:
Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 08:20

How many guests are you having that you can’t afford wine on the table etc?

Less than 20 close family members. But as a full time student on minimum income and a DP with a young child, money is pretty tight and we care more about the lifelong marriage than a few hours at a wedding that gets us into debt.

if you literally can’t afford any drink is the venue more expensive than you can afford perhaps?

Yes I suppose we could switch to that well known cheap bar beginning with a W and then we could afford drink but we are going to one of the cheapest restaurants in our area. I'd feel a lot more comfortable in a cheap small restaurant than in a large, crowded, busy, loud bar.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 18/05/2019 08:20

You must your cloth, if you can't afford to wine and dine your guests then invite fewer

So you are only allowed to have people you want at your wedding reception if you can afford to keep them stocked on free booze all night? What rubbish.

Original poster
CurriedCarbs · 18/05/2019 08:24

Re wine on table. I've always wondered this, what about those who don't like wine?

OP posts:
PattyCow · 18/05/2019 08:45

Could your parents not help with the bar bill? Totally fine to just have wine on the table.

XiCi · 18/05/2019 08:47

Most people would have a glass of wine with their meal. I think that it would be a nice gesture to have wine on the table for your guests and one that wouldn't cost much money. It sounds like it could get really messy having 20 people all having to work out individual bills at the end of the meal.

XiCi · 18/05/2019 08:51

Would people seriously expect a "welcome" drink on arrival for a birthday party? I'm not sure why this is any different

Oh come on, it's your wedding day. Of course it's different. The average wedding day is nothing like someone's birthday party. People have expectations of wedding days based on what is considered the norm and yes a welcome drink, or at least a glass of fizz for the toast is one of them