Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

[CurriedCarbs]

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP I think you can't afford it so the point is moot, it's not a huge extravagant wedding, your guests will know this. I just can't imagine people sitting there on your day scoffing at the thought of no 'table wine' provided. They will be happy to just be there with you. If they want alcohol it's really not unreasonable to go to the bar.

I provided a welcome drink after the ceremony and a glass of fizz for the toast. On the tables was cordial and water. I had a few family members who abuse alcohol and get rowdy and there was no way I was fuelling that fire. No one ever mentioned it, ever.

Why are people posting that you must provide drink on arrival, wine on table and toasting drink when the OP has said it’s a small wedding on a tight budget? Surely you don’t judge a wedding by how much drink you are provided with?

If people want to drink at your wedding they can buy their own. You go to a wedding to celebrate the marriage of the bride and groom and not for whether there is wine on the table!

@PattyCow no sadly. Parents can't or won't help

@XiCi it wouldn't be 20 people though. There are 4 groups of people (e.g. my brother, sister in law and their children are one group).

See if the restaurant would just charge corkage then bring your own wine for the table.

If the restaurant has a bar instruct the waiting staff to take no drink orders and direct guests to the bar.

Instead of a 3 course meal I would have

A welcome drink
A starter
A main course
Wedding cake for dessert

Some people love to make themselves feel superior. Or think they appear superior. When actually they look like utter twats.

OP you don't need to provide drinks. Maybe a glass of orange juice in a flute when people get there if it bothers you? It's not a massive wedding breakfast and it doesn't matter. What matters is people you love have a celebration after your wedding ceremony.

And just be thankful you're not inviting the dicks who think drinks are more important than the actual event

I imagine quite a few children amongst the guests? What is the break down of adults v children?

One bottle of fizz does 5/6 glasses.
Jugs of water/squash on the tables.

If you can’t afford it, then don’t OP. I’m sure your family won’t mind. A good tip from someone else above to ask for the restaurant not to take drinks order to the table and to direct people to the bar. Enjoy your day

If I was invited to a small wedding like yours I would consider it an honour to be invited
Paying for my own drink would not even register
Enjoy your day

Unless it’s a pub type place where you can go up to the bar to order drinks - it’s going to be a fucking nightmare with the bill logistics.

CurriedCarbs they go to the bar and by their own drinks or order from the table, waiting staff arrive back with order, take money, then bring back change (or have change on them). This may be an Irish thing as I can't recall if I've seen in England (where I'm assuming you are). This arrangement with lounge staff can be standard enough in Ireland, can happen in pubs on a bog standard night out too.

Wedding services (church, registry office or service at the location) are simple enough. No difficulty there with expectations (Well generally no difficulty!)

What follows seems to cause mass confusion and disbelief on MN. Lots of people never go been to weddings where all drinks aren't free on the same thread were posters have never been to a wedding were they got a free drink.

Anyway, when i am invited to a wedding which is taking place in a hotel i would expect to have to dress up and bring a gift. I'd als probably arrive with the expectation of:

Drink on arrival (free)
Several course meal with wine* (free)
A drink to toast** (free)
Drinks after (guests buy - possibly be wine still on table so wine drinkers finish those)
Evening/late night food (free)

*quantity varies: either what's on the table or they get replace.
** glass of something bubbly or ordered by waiting staff from bar.

However where I've been invited to a wedding at a resturant and I'm aware I won't need to dress up or bring a gift. I don't think I'd even have the expectation of getting the meal for free. However as these are usually small/intimate weddings I'd ask the bride or groom what sort of price the food was (for my own budgeting) and this leads to the information about food and drink provision!!

I'd say you'll be grand CurriedCarbs. The resturant you've booked will cope with guests paying for their own drinks. Chances are it won't be that boozy anyway,

Would people seriously expect a "welcome" drink on arrival for a birthday party? I'm not sure why this is any different

Well yeah actually I would, and I would also provide that. If you’re booking a space for a party you typically provide some welcome drinks at least.

To be fair if it's not a reception with dancing etc then most people with either have one drink or none as they will be driving home after.

What strappedsundae said! As long as the guests know what to expect so they know to bring cash/card for drinks, it will be fine.

I think some people here are being a bit extreme. After a small registry office wedding and a small do in a local restaurant I would feel the bride and groom had lost the plot if they were paying for everyone's alcohol.

I've only ever been to one wedding where more than the toast drink was included - we didn't provide a drink not even a toast drink as we just couldn't afford it - we were the first of our generation of friends to get married so I didn't realise that toast drinks were that common. In my family they weren't anyway.

On the subject on welcome drinks, I certainly wouldn't be expecting one at a small wedding. I doubt I'd really miss it at a standard wedding either!!

One wedding that stands out in my head was were free welcome drinks were plentiful, free wine at the meal was plentiful, lots of money behind bar afterwards. But the meal was sandwichs That felt like a bit of a poorly hosted wedding and there was a LOT of booze provided.

”So you are only allowed to have people you want at your wedding reception if you can afford to keep them stocked on free booze all night? What rubbish.”

I don’t think anyone is suggesting it’s compulsory to keep guests “stocked on free booze all night”.

But it is a bit unusual, especially where the wedding is so small, to provide literally nothing in terms of drink. Most people would choose a cheaper venue rather than not even provide any drink at all, even one welcome drink. There are plenty of very cheap and cheerful ways of hosting.

OP if you’re set on these arrangements and you can’t afford it I’m sure it will be fine, but make sure you are clear with guests and address the logistics of it beforehand otherwise it could be a nightmare.

I have only ever been to 1 fully paid for wedding ever, definitely not the down thing where I live. Most you have welcome drinks, wine and toast though. I would say welcome and toast is an absolute minimum. It would be unusual not to have wine on the table TBH.

Whether birthday party of wedding I would expect a drink to be provided with a meal, even of only soft drinks. It's only polite to cater for guests after they have been invited. It feels like you are putting the costs on the guests to have the venue and reception you want.

I’ve only been to one wedding where there was free wine all night and that was abroad.

Every other wedding I’ve been to in the uk and it’s been 2 glasses of wine with the meal a glass of champagne for the toast and all other drinks you bought yourself. I don’t see a problem with this at all.

I'd choose a different venue in your position I think. It's fine to expect people to bring a bottle or buy their own drinks at a party type reception, but if you're inviting people for a sit down meal for a wedding reception, then the host really should provide wine on the tables. You could leave off the welcome drink and everyone just sits straight down and has a glass of wine from the table. Then if you want to have toasts just have a couple of bottles of prosecco for that, but you don't have to do both welcome drink and toast drink. You don't even have to have toasts if you don't want to. But you should either provide something to drink with the meal, or use a venue where you can do a cheap buffet and pay your own at the bar.

Drinks with the meal wouldn't add up to that much if lots of your guests are parents who will be driving.

If the reception was in a restaurant I would be expecting to pay for my drinks for sure. Very nice that you're paying for dinner too but it wouldn't bother me if I had to pay for that too, esp if I knew bride and groom were cash strapped. The most important thing is to see my friends get married!

Presumably your family know you are doing this on a tight budget. I assume they are happy to share your day with you and wouldn't want to cause you any unnecessary stress. There is no problem with providing food only. If you have jugs of water and cordial on the table, it will be obvious that's all you're providing. Most restaurants have no problem with charging for drinks when they bring them over.

I would however, make sure the restaurant know this is what is happening. Ask them to charge as they serve or give people separate bills. You might also, either beforehand or on the day, let people know. So maybe at the start of the meal, just announce that if they want to order drinks, the waiting staff will be happy to take orders and they can either go to the bar to pay or pay the waiter directly.

I have literally never been to a birthday meal where drink has been provided so not sure what world the poster lives in who said they'd expect that at a birthday meal.

To those saying cut your cloth etc, yes sure I suppose I could tell my young stepdaughter she's not allowed her once a year 4 night camping trip in a cheap as chips campsite or her birthday day trip this year as we need to fund everyone's alcohol intake at our wedding.

Re breakdown of adults vs children: 5 under 18s and 13 over 18s.

On changing venues fronts, any suggestions? We're already going to the cheapest local restaurant. The only other options that we can see which would be cheaper are those two well known pubs beginning with a W or H (sorry not sure if we're allowed to put names of specific places or can we?). Very open to suggestions if anyone can see somewhere we've missed.

Also cutting the cloth, very grateful for suggestions if anyone can see something:
Registry office weekend wedding (cheaper during the week but then family have to use annual leave or lose money for those self employed which we're not prepared to do)
Wedding dress will be standard shop bought dress I can wear again to birthdays, anniversary meals etc
DP is wearing a suit he already owns
Photographer is hired just for the ceremony and is less than £200
DSD's dress again will be a standard shop bought dress which she can wear again unless she goes through another giant growth spurt straight after the wedding
Shoes we already own or DSD we would have bought anyway
Cake is M&S for £18
No flowers, official bridesmaids, favours, speeches, official toasts etc
Invites are homemade and costing about £20 for materials with lots of paper etc leftover from that which DSD and I will use for our scrapbooking

Not sure where we can cut down really... It's already costing us more than we'd like but we'd rather have our family there than just the three of us plus witnesses