Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Restaurant wedding reception - not paying for drinks?

327 replies

CurriedCarbs · 17/05/2019 18:43

We've decided to go to a local restaurant after our wedding ceremony and essential have our "reception" there - i.e. a nice meal with the guests. Would we BU to only pay for their food and not their drinks? We haven't got a lot of money and we're not really sure we can afford food and drink for everyone. We don't want to say everyone has to completely pay for themselves or limit the guest list even more as we're only inviting close family. Would only paying for food be a reasonable compromise?

OP posts:
RavenLG · 17/05/2019 19:40

I think a welcome drink as a minimum. The guests pay from there but be clear on the invite. How many are in attendance? I think your standard restaurant would be able to handle 30ish people no problem.

churchthecat · 17/05/2019 19:45

OP could you ask the venue if they would allow you to provide your own wine and they just charge corkage? That would bring costs down a lot.

VanillaCoconutDove · 17/05/2019 19:45

Monestasi Do you mind me asking how much the drinks budget cost you at your wedding? Nothing more than cheeky curiosity!

I’ve done bar/events work, say at a wedding venue the average drink is £5, the average person having 4 drinks, £20per head on optional extra drinks, before you include table wine/fizzy toasts.

UnicornBrexit · 17/05/2019 19:48

I have never ever been to a wedding where the guests were meant to pay for their own drinks. My own included. I cringe at the thought.

Very pretentious and entitled as the OP has already said shes working to a completely pared budget

Registry office wedding, standard formal evening type dress for less than £100 (as in not an actual wedding dress), cheapest photographer we can find and an M&S cake. Not sure where or what else we can cut down on

I presume shes not supposed to have any guests or witnesses all for the want of a bottle of free booze? I'd be very upset if a friend of mine though she couldn't have a nice day because she couldn't afford to cover everyone else gluttony. That's where I'd cringe.

As I say OP, out side of MN, which as we know is a different world, no one would expect a fully funded beano. Not in these days of austerity.

Answeringonlyyesorno · 17/05/2019 19:49

Every wedding I've been to has put on a drink on arrival and some wine with the meal.

Ragwort · 17/05/2019 19:49

Why don’t you invite your guests back to your home for a simple meal/afternoon tea with fizz? I’ve only been to one wedding where we had to buy our own drinks (for the evening part), I really think as host you need to provide the sort of meal/drinks you can afford.

CherryPavlova · 17/05/2019 19:50

I think it’s all in clarity of message and talking to restaurant beforehand. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money and you’d be daft to overstretch yourselves to buy people drinks.

churchthecat · 17/05/2019 19:50

Hi Crumbs!

notacooldad · 17/05/2019 19:54

TBH with you, I haven't been to a fully funded reception in years. It's very much a thing of the past

I have never ever been to a wedding where the guests were meant to pay for their own drinks. My own included. I cringe at the the thought
In 40 years if going to weddings I have never been to a wedding where everything is free.
There have been a couple of bottles wine on the table but beyond that all drinks are paid for by the guest.

TheGoalIsToStayOutOfTheHole · 17/05/2019 19:55

I have never been to a wedding where the drinks were free. Seems to be classed as extremely rude not to pay for people to get pissed, by posters on here. Food is generally expected, especially if its an all day thing, but loads I know just went with buffet rather than a full meal.

churchthecat · 17/05/2019 19:55

Of course it doesn't all have to be free. Evening cash bar is often paid by guests.

But a meal with not even a toasting glass or wine?

Qweenbee · 17/05/2019 19:58

Even a bottle of wine per 4 people would be better than nothing.

bratzilla · 17/05/2019 19:58

I work in a function hire venue where people have a bigger budget than you OP and I’ve only seen a handful of weddings where any alcohol is provided. A lot of guests buy the hosts drinks. It’s not acceptable on MN but is totally fine IRL.

elsabadogigante · 17/05/2019 19:58

I think it's fine BUT you need to let people know. I'd at least provide some fizz for toasts, though.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 17/05/2019 20:00

I think having a few bottles of wine to share between everyone on the table and some cheap fizz would be worth it. How many people is it? I went to a lovely reception like this and there were about 30 of us. Think there were about 4 bottles of wine and 2 bottles of fizz so not hugely expensive. It was a small glass each and something to toast with. Some bought more drinks from the bar but some didn’t and was fine.

Bluntness100 · 17/05/2019 20:02

I also think it's fine to only pay for food, I'm just not sure how it would realistically work for a sit down meal.

A paid bar is quite normal but a sit down meal where people have to pay for their own drinks will mean lots of individual little bills. I'd speak to the restaurant and I'd inform the guests. Maybe they can do a kitty or something if they all drink about the same amount and it's family.

EssentialHummus · 17/05/2019 20:05

See if you can get a fixed price deal with a restaurant for the meal.

I agree with this. We did similar (Reg office then restaurant then M&S cake), and had the restaurant do a smaller menu for us, from their regular menu, for guests to choose from. If you price it right - eg sharing starters then have guests choose from limited mains - you could probably wangle a drink.

But, yes, I'd be happy to pay in the circs. A glass of bubbly on the host would be nice but isn't critical.

RottnestFerry · 17/05/2019 20:06

We had an all day free bar at our wedding. However, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. We wouldn't have gone into debt to do it.

As long as the venue doesn't take the p!ss with bar prices, as some do, it's no big deal. As a guest, I rather know in advance though. As another poster said, that might be difficult to do tactfully.

FuriousVexation · 17/05/2019 20:07

Have the invites gone out? Because you could save a massive amount of money by having a very very small wedding and reception - parents, siblings and children only.

My ex and I had a total budget of £500 for everything and we came in well below that. I think we invited 30 people total, almost all family and maybe 6 very close friends. That included separate hotel rooms the night before, honeymoon suite the day of the wedding, room hire (at the hotel), buffet, cake and clothing plus a glass of fizz for everyone to do the toast or whatever.

My sister hired a car and driver (not needed - just get a bloody Uber) and my aunty did all the flowers (not needed, they're just decorations.)

OK I'm going back nearly 20 years (oh god now I feel old) but I actually think if I got married again (perish the thought) I could almost certainly do it cheaper.

At the end of the day, the important thing is that you are getting married. Not having a wedding - getting married. You're setting your commitment to each other on a legal basis.

If you haven't booked, I'd suggest hiring a local church/community hall for an evening, ask people to contribute food, lay on a set amount of booze and encourage people to bring their own.

Bluntness100 · 17/05/2019 20:10

We had an all day free bar at our wedding. However, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it

What's the point of this? Does it make you feel superior? Seriously unpleasant to brag in this manner.

viques · 17/05/2019 20:10

Is there any way you can confide in one of the guests (a parent perhaps) and say you are worrying about being able to offer everyone a drink and would it be possible for them to pick up the drinks bill as a wedding present to you?

Easy enough to then say to the restaurant to run two bills.

MsAwesomeDragon · 17/05/2019 20:11

I had a very similar wedding to you OP. My guests were fine with buying their own drinks, and most were expecting to cover their own meal as well in the same way they would expect to pay for their own meal for a birthday at a restaurant. We only had immediate family (parents, siblings +their families), and if they were close enough to invite they were close enough to have that conversation with.

For those asking why OP doesn't invite people back to her house, I would expect that that's because she doesn't have a big enough house. Even only inviting immediate family that was still 18 people for my wedding. I live in a small 3 bed terrace, there isn't space for 18 people unless they crush into bedrooms as well, not exactly a pleasant and welcoming environment. That's not too mention the while issue of having to be the caterer at your own wedding!!!

BlackcurrantJamontoast · 17/05/2019 20:15

I've never been to a wedding where all.the drinks are paid for.

I have never been to one where the drinks are not free and free flowing

You must your cloth, if you can't afford to wine and dine your guests then invite fewer.

Bowerbird5 · 17/05/2019 20:16

We went to an evening do and we were offered a drink on arrival then after that up to us. Bride and groom in good jobs. I thought it was quite acceptable. If you could stretch to a tray of drinks on arrival then that would be adequate. Have a lovely day.

LimeKiwi · 17/05/2019 20:19

I've been to tons of wedding over the years I'm old lol and it's totally normal to buy your own drinks.
I'd say have a glass of bubbly on arrival for people as that's usually the norm and expected but everything else totally fine to get your own.